Living with a CAD is no joke.
I live on Medical Management after Triple bypass procedure was considered unviable.
I have strict Diet Regimen.
I Walk twice or thrice day and my range is 10 to 15 Km per day.
This has helped me get strength in past 4.5 years.
It does not make me Invincible though.
End comes to all. I wrote these lines for my last day as I may not have that strength left to write them.
My body is broken, I can feel it.
Weak, crushed and beyond repair.
Surely this is the end, surely there’s no coming back from this.
No, it can’t be, it mustn’t be.
How long has it been?
Somebody will find me soon though.
Ha, as if. This is no time for jokes, stupid mind.
Is there really no way out of this mess?
No way for me to live?
I’m not ready to die,
I’m not ready for it all to end.
Somebody please find me, I need help.
Somebody, please save me.
I don’t want to die.
It’s very quiet out here, or maybe my mind is just failing me.
It’s peaceful though, I guess.
But I still need to get out of here, but how?
I’m too tired and too broken to do anything,
I’ll need help.
Oh please let help be on the way, I don’t want to die out here.
All alone, lost and forgotten.
I can’t.. I won’t.. I’m not going to make it.
I can’t be saved, it’s too late.
It’s far too late.
I’m going to die.
Oh no, I’m going to die!
Please, not yet, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.
My mind is numb, I’m feeling drowsy.
I can’t think straight anymore, I’m too tired.
The world looks distorted, I can’t make sense of any of it anymore.
My mind is numb.
Things Average Out – Almost daily ! 🙂
My Cup of Tea Meaning: Someone or something that one finds to be agreeable or delightful. My mentor once sadi, ask a stranger for a feedback or a solution to your top of mind problem and you are most likely to get it. I used this today with a Film maker and sought his advice and what a wonderful discussion we had – educative, enlightening, inspiring and most helpful. Acting or making films are not my profession. I did Censor films though 🙂 but being considered for a Cast and an interview by a Top director was not my cup of tea. Advice just flowed and the expert filled many of my knowledge gaps. Wonderful day today.
Quick and Dirty Meaning: Things that done with great speed, but as a result, they are not going to work very well. My MacPro is now old and become so slow that I am fed up. The new models have not arrived in India yet and the dealers are trying to push old models with hard sell. I was looking for a iMac this time as I rarely step out with a laptop but most dealers do not have it in stock in a IT capital of India Bangalore. What a shame ! Are they discontinuing the iMac ? I wonder.
No Ifs, Ands, or Buts Meaning: Finishing a task without making any excuses. To go to a CSC or Family Pension Fund office has become a ritual every year for every Senior citizen. It is sad. Most CSC’s are not equipped or have slow networks and avoid this lowly paid activity. I also face issues with my fingerprints 🙂 – the prints don’t match ! WOW 1 So they take the photo of the eyes at few locations where the queues are huge. Do I have a choice – No!
Quality Time Meaning: Spending time with another to strengthen the relationship. I am loving the Toastmasters. I started going for their meetups in mid August, was terrified with the Table topics but started my Pathways journey and crossed Level 1. It is working well. I like the time spent.
Cut To The Chase Meaning: To get to the point, leaving out all the unnecessary details. The count from a13th May, the Muse and the message, inspiration or negativity is getting buried today. 100k view is still sometime away but mind is at peace and there is no negativity, The heart is pure. Will keep at it by writing more posts and less sharing going forward on this blog.
Cup Of Joe Meaning: A cup of joe is an American nickname for a cup of coffee. The new mentee which I reluctantly took on board without even meeting is enthusiastic and experienced. I receptive and when I pushed him to the wall – his response was fantastic. I like him and may invite him for a cup of Joe 🙂
Shot In the Dark Meaning: An attempt that has little chance for success. Not attempting to do any such things. All well planned activities and limited Goals and it feels great to measure and keep my eyes on the finish line.
Plot Thickens: The Meaning: The latest developments have become made the situation very serious. But I couldn’t care more. Decided not to take ownership or own others’ problems, not get emotionally invested in any one and give advice only when asked. and keep arms length distance.
Beating a Dead Horse Meaning: It is unwise to bring up a past resolved issue. Today is auspicious to close all such matters and resolved to do it. I have started some of my old favorite activities. Whistling, singing, listening to Retro songs and instrumental music and long walks! They are so refreshing.
Playing For Keeps Meaning: Said when things are about to get serious. The coming months are promising. Some good opportunities like filming, Global speakership are coming on the horizon with little efforts. Will attempt new strategies on the blogs and make both very active.
Whenever faced with a situation leading to horns of dilemma; that could cause me to procrastinate, delay, be in double minds like sitting on the horns of Dilemma, I go back to two holy books. 1. A Bible 2. BhagvadGita. I randomly select 2 verses and usually find my answers. I named it as Jay’s Tantra way.
See an example:
This is what Gita said.
Passage: No one is fierce enough to rouse it. Who then is able to stand against me?
This is what the Bible verse said.
See some similarities in the two random verses?
- The doubt in my heart is born out of ignorance and I need to establish myself in Yoga and stand up for fight- Cut my doubt in the heart with the sword of wisdom.
- Who is able to stand against you? There is no one fierce enough to rouse it.
I derived the following meaning – the chosen path is right. I need to concentrate, meditate and be ready for the fight whether or not it happens.
I also know, I have class and it will have to be a really fierce fight, if someone were to oppose or put hurdles in my chosen path.
Sounds simple, NO? I like this technique to work all the time.
I have often said that Just by Watching you can Observe a Lot 🙂 and having an investigator, fraud detectors training helps.
Let Her Rip Meaning: Permission to start, or it could mean ‘go faster!’ The Three Focus areas are clear to me now. 1. Toast Masters – TOCK ( like in Tick-Tock of the clock) journey 2. Continue to write on wordpress, globallinkers and medium regularly and may be, publish some ebooks on Amazon for posterity. 3. Keep learning i.e. Finish the first 100 courses on Udemy of which I have completed 55 already and then enroll for more. Learning should never end.
Poke Fun At Meaning: Making fun of something or someone; ridicule. Abond person who shared others’ SECRET emails can not be trusted – he can do the same to you. I met such a man recently and ridiculed him. Broke all bonds as breaking a Pro-bono mentor bond is the easiest as the other person who is un-mentorable hasn’t paid me a penny. I feel happy to GRO – Get Rid Off them from my life.
Happy as a Clam Meaning: The state of being happy; feeling delighted. Last week or so been sleeping in the noon and gaining weight for no reason but still feeling a delight inside. I don’t know why.
Jig Is Up Meaning: For a ruse or trick to be discovered; to be caught. I retraced a step rather stuck to my principles and values and stayed off from the Thugs masquerading as Mentees and were leeches on my time, efforts and money. Feels great in exposure, sad in my bad judgement of people and giving full Trust in first meeting. I guess I can not learn to correct myself ever. I still have trust in Humanity and Humans. What can I do when I meet animals in the garb of men and women?
Ride Him, Cowboy! Meaning: A cheer people yell, usually at rodeos when cowboys are clinging to the backs of untamed horses. I am leaving Mentoring – i.e. ProBono mentoring. I have heard several audios and videos now to change my belief system that Coaching is paid while mentoring is free. This year has taught me this lesson.
Top Drawer Meaning: High quality, exceptional; something that’s very valuable. I still wish to do the Tony Robbins Coaching course once I have funds. It is too costly given the falling Rupee prices these days.
Easy As Pie Meaning: Something that is easy. I loved and passed the two recent Udemy courses and I found them the best so far that I practiced and practiced and practiced.
Under Your Nose Meaning: Missing something that should be really obvious. Trying to become a myopic now and not see beyond my nose as life get difficult and difficult. A politician who was so upbeat last week to offer me a national position ws so morose and down today that I could not believe my ears. But I did a course that says that people lie the most on phone, SMS, WhatsApp and least on emails. One of my mentees famously said to me about “plausible deniability” and changed his email servers for entire company emails every 6 months. That was paranoid.
Right Out of the Gate Meaning: Right from the beginning; to do something from the start. The latest courses Pathways and Body language are very appealing – the behavioural economics, Brain, Hypnotism, NLP and neuromarketing are next focus of learning
Par For the Course Meaning: What you would expect to happen; something normal or common. The astrologers say till 2020 the Saturn 2.5 years are worst indicated. A friendly actuary predicted death in 1000 days and I am on a countdown as per him. I am not out to prove him right or wrong. I think I shall be par for the course.
Sometimes, I have dilemma. Mostly the decision is about People who come in my life, stay there, get benefitted, some reciptrocate, some don’t. Some cost me money, some Time, Some deep efforts and some simply gifts and for some I give all that I have.
Then come some moments, decisive when the masks are unpeeled, they fall off, the gloves come off, bad behaviour, attitude, insults start hurting and I realise the my Trust was ill-placed. I have made a huge error of judgement.
In such times, I use Jay’s Tantra. The simplest way is to consult and seek advice from the Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipotent – The Om -HIMSELF. I go to BhagvadGita and choose a random shloka. I also go to a Bible someone gifted me years ago. I take a Verse for Bible.
I then decipher meaning as per my understanding and draw inferences. These are not regular moments, they happen when I have a deep dilemma. It is never a Conscience issue though as Conscientious decisions come to me quick and fast – No problem there.
Today’s Dilemma was solved by these two and I urge readers to try this if you come across such difficult moments in life.
This is what came out as Random Verse from Bible:
Do not speak to fools,
for they will scorn your prudent words.
This is what came as Random Shloka from Gita
Srimad Bhagavad Gita
Chapter 2 Sloka 70
Yes. I got my answer to the dilemma. That’s Jay’s Tantra. Use it sparingly and only in dire situations with full belief and trust in the Almighty. Amen!
I did two Udemy courses today. One on Impromptu speaking – most wonderful experience. Another on Humourous speeches. Not great.
Shot In the Dark Meaning: An attempt that has little chance for success. Waiting for the proverbial Godot. A friend offered something big, then began playing unavailable, then asked concept note. Sent it in all earnest. Let’s see.
Quick and Dirty Meaning: Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well. Hmmmm….. I have that fear about this proposal to be something I am really not. I wish to give it a try, just because opportunity comes my way. Not my type of thinking really!
Flea Market Meaning: A type of bazaar where inexpensive goods are sold or bartered. Wonder what that means. An article of over 3500 words is liked and then I am told to cut it short to 750 word. No. Not gonna do it! WTH are there Editors for? Why can’t they set the word limit while giving the offer to write. And above all, it is probono work not even paid. I am seriously going to stop all FREE, probono work. ENUFFFF!!!!
Par For the Course Meaning: What you would expect to happen; something normal or common. CONVERSATION on Linkedin this morning with a Cartoonist turned to Golf and we used many terms about the game but in the end I gave up. Not my cup of tea – this free advice game has to stop forthwith…. Getting Bored to death!
Two Down, One to Go Meaning: Two things have been completed, but there is one more that has yet to be finished. Going slow this week on writing articles. Reflecting. Going slow on Speech learnings – pausing… No progress on Painting…. WTH am I doing?
Under Your Nose Meaning: Missing something that should be really obvious. I sincerely hope nothing is missing. These Astrologers… they always scare me with Sade Saati of Shani Maharaj and tell me nasty things.
Happy as a Clam Meaning: The state of being happy; feeling delighted. The morning audio course on the Impromptu speaking on Udemy was a delight. I shall repeat this and practice this. The trainer was a Toastmaster too and wonderful to hear.
Yada Yada Meaning: A way to notify a person that what they’re saying is predictable or boring. Hmmm… Almost said this to couple of people but restrained this morning.
Goody Two-Shoes Meaning: A smugly virtuous person. I thin. k, I know who by now
Let Her Rip Meaning: Permission to start, or it could mean ‘go faster!’ Whenever I go on full speed, I come across emotional, sentimental, tangential barriers. God knows why but I carry on till either I find a Counter so that I have a number chase and something that is notable, worthy or I slip down and wait for my own Let Her Rip permission that my brain gives.
Happy Ganesh Chaturthi to all Readers. A very auspicious day. One of the 3.5 days of Muhurtha – when beginning a new thing is considered Good.
I started with a long walk, Ganapati Darshan and returned with many thoughts, ideas about a start and towards noon got lazy and just slept.
- Wake Up Call Meaning: An occurance of sorts that brings a problem to somebody’s attention and they realize it needs fixing. I realised that I need to create the Course outline and content for sharing with a Digital marketer friend for planning a self managed training event soon.
Don’t Look a Gift Horse In The Mouth Meaning: When you receive a gift from someone, do not be ungrateful. Yes. I try to do that as I get very few in life as i am more a Giver but I have met the worst ingrates this year.
Swinging For the Fences Meaning: Giving something your all. My resolve is to Give my all to Writing, Speaking and organising Self managed training, coaching, mentoring events going forward.
A Chip on Your Shoulder Meaning: Being angry about something that happened in the past. Yes. I do carry a few and wish that they dissolve. नींद तो दर्द के बिस्तर पे भी आ सकती है
Lovey Dovey Meaning: The affectionate stuff that people do when they are in love, such as kissing and hugging. Hmmmm…. why did this phrase turn up suddenly today?
All Greek To Me Meaning: When something is incomprehensible due to complexity; unintelligble. Fortunately, the abstract, Greek, Latin, Spanish speaking rubbish is out of my hair. It was just too much of Intellectual F@#$ing I had gone thru – rather willing/ unwillingly. No one. Just me to blame.
If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen Meaning: One should discontinue with a task if they are unable to cope with it due to pressure. Yes. I am slowly moving out of all the Heat and Kitchen areas.
Knuckle Down Meaning: Getting sincere about something; applying oneself seriously to a job. Yes. Enrolled for two Udemy courses. Started one. Joined two new FB groups.
Raining Cats and Dogs Meaning: When it is raining heavily. It should Bangalore weather in past few days is too hot for my taste.
Talk the Talk Meaning: Supporting what you say, not just with words, but also through action or evidence. That’s Integrity for me and I am thinking to change the name of the blog or start a new one soon.
Pay for someone’s bus ticket
Make someone’s day – tell a friend why you appreciate them
See someone struggling with lots of bags? Offer to help them
Send a thank you card to someone who has made a difference in your life (a friend, family member, teacher etc.)
Gift someone something they complimented you for
Help someone academically – lend them your study notes
We walk past homeless people every day; can you spare them 5 minutes of your time?
Tell a friend about ARK/World Kindness Day
It’s hard to stay connected – reach out to an elderly person you know
Old laptop or mobile lying around? Donate it
Highlighted ones are my choices for the day.
I believe in Bio-Rhythms. Have done so for over 30 years – ever since I read the book about the research on Bio-rhythms and wanted to buy the Japanese – CASIO watch which showed 3 biorhythms – Physical, Emotional and Intellectual. They also sold Cards in those days where you can calculate your critical days and avoid major financial decisions, Driving, Flying a plane etc. etc. etc.
It was interesting when I found the Apps on Android and iPhones. I downloaded and saw a fourth one added – i.e. Intution ! I said, it is getting interesting. As per initial book if I were to calculate I should have been Dead when I was 58+ i.e. 23 X 28 X 33 days = 58 years, …. days. I did not believe it. The book also talked about how they scientifically studied the Date of birth and time of birth of the Rail, Plane, Sea, Cycle, Bicycle, Car, Bus and Electrical accidents and deaths. It appeared scientific and eventhough a Skeptic I said let us give it a try and it has remained with me as a Daily watch every morning before my morning walks – to watch in the phone.
Today was not supposed to be great. The biorhythm explanation said do and see what Random Phrases turned up this morning.
Hard Pill to Swallow Meaning: Something that’s difficult to accept. Wife was travelling and I had to cut short my morning walk by 2/3rd to be back home for opening door for the housemaid.
Yada Yada Meaning: A way to notify a person that what they’re saying is predictable or boring. I recall having done this a few days ago and quite harshly using all the bitterness and venom in my brain flowing thru my fingers and typing.
Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees Meaning: Suggests that money is a resource that must be earned and is not one that’s easily acquired. True enough, nothing worth challenging the statement but which tree to plant is a question came to my mind as I am seriously thinking of joining some Kisan Morcha of a political party and fight for their rights.
On the Same Page Meaning: Thinking alike or understanding something in a similar way with others. Not happening with me for few months. I am too much of a challenger this year and have broken off with many due to differences, attitudinal issues or having met simple INGRATES and suckers and some who were a disgrace to the word MENTOR.
No-Brainer Meaning: Anything that requires minimal brain activity to accomplish. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I recently heard a speech and to a longwinded un=stupid question ( questions are never stupid – answers are) the speaker could not properly respond. I thought of C A P – Common sense, Alert response, Presence of mind – if this was used by the old man = A DTM ( toast masters lingo) he would have been better off.
Read ‘Em and Weep Meaning: Often said by the winner in poker, as the others ‘weep’ over the loss. No. Not happening. I am playing for negotiation, accent, agreement these days perforce.
Jumping the Gun Meaning: Something that occurs too early before preparations are ready. Starting too soon. May be, I should have waited for the 500 words contest write up submission till the last date but I just sent it. I also sent an article 3 months before the magazine is due to be published on the occasion of an International conference in which the organisers wish to invite me.
Dropping Like Flies Meaning: To fall down ill or to die in large numbers. We had this with our relatives family when every one fell sick couple of weeks ago. Mumbai weather made me sick too.
Goody Two-Shoes Meaning: A smugly virtuous person. I met one recently, was introduced by a friend, highly recommended but the guy was so snooty, SOB and highhanded – he did not even offer to shake hands. I said F. Off!
Fish Out Of Water Meaning: Someone being in a situation that they are unfamiliar or unsuited for. Not seen this yet, but the Astrologer friend’s remark about a foreign proposal that it will be below dignity if we accept was intriguing. Need to probe him further.
So overall still an interesting day.
One who may seem plain at first in appearance or capability, but later turns out to be beautiful or great.
English is a FUNNY language – Said Shri Amitabh Bachchan in a film dialogue. i fully Agree.
I was writing to a Mentee of mine who is struggling and in the endline mentioned – Hope you face your Waterloo soon ! I had of course, heard someone say it. I knew it was about Napoleon Bonaparte but I did not know the meaning.
I sent the mail and checked the dictionary and said WTH – let me find my right word. And Lo and Behold ! I found it. I wanted to say – let this incident / function today prove to be your Watershed moment and all your struggles should come to fruition!
So, you can see, English is such a funny language. I was sending a short resume on whatsapp to a membership incharge of Toastmasters and I said, i was an Orator, Debator and extempore speaker and I wish to relearn speaking skills as redundancy has set in. And What?
After a while I saw a message with smileys and thumbs ups ! and I said, what happened? he liked my resume? And I read and re-read again.
It read I was and Orator, SENATOR ( capitals mine) and I said WTH 1 This is T9 and Grammarly dictionary apps promoting me! WOW!
On both occasions I laughed inwardly at my own self and my follies and said Oh – perhaps the morning Random Phrase is coming true for me.
Some very interesting Generated Idioms for the day:
- Every Fight Is An Awful Sight.
- Glue Doesn’t Stick To Everything.
- To Be In Need Is Bitter-sweet
- Chasing Birds.
- Once The Sun Turns Green.
Couple of incidents in the week and the day made me laugh out loud.
On a serious note, Every Mentor and mentee face these situations. The Startpreneurs preparing for bigger competitions ahead need to take inspiration from such random thoughts and using lateral thinking – attribute listing as problem solving triggers to new and innovative ideas
Great Sunday. 5th meeting of Toastmasters in 3rd Club of Bangalore. Young, vibrant crowd mixed with some bearded oldies and middle aged Techies.
- Love Birds Meaning: A pair of people who have a shared love for each other. No. did not happen. Day of course, began different.
Jaws of Death Meaning: Being in a dangerous or very deadly situation. No. Not really. Saw a Premier movie for a while but did not experience it 🙂
Two Down, One to Go Meaning: Two things have been completed, but there is one more that has yet to be finished. Yes. Today’s short walk left the Udemy course study unfinished for the day .
No Ifs, Ands, or Buts Meaning: Finishing a task without making any excuses. Experienced this later in the day with two Excuse Masters cleverly negotiating with each other.
Right Off the Bat Meaning: Immediately, done in a hurry; without delay. Yes. without any inhibition responded emails and gave guidance to even a mail marked FYI 🙂 🙂 . Lessons repeated in Communications.
Break The Ice Meaning: Breaking down a social stiffness. Great speeches by two youngsters and one International Humorist champs at Toastmasters. The breaking the ice speech was literally great.
A Chip on Your Shoulder Meaning: Being angry about something that happened in the past. Yes. I still carry one anger chip on my shoulder.
Shot In the Dark Meaning: An attempt that has little chance for success. no like hope taking shot in the dark is not part of my strategy.
Let Her Rip Meaning: Permission to start, or it could mean ‘go faster!’ If the brainfog is gone and wiser sense prevails – you don’t need any permission.
Wake Up Call Meaning: An occurance of sorts that brings a problem to somebody’s attention and they realize it needs fixing. Hmmm… will wait and watch though.
Keep Your Shirt On Meaning: Keeping calm. Usually said by someone who is trying to avoid making others upset. Yes. even while in an angry tone, try not to rant. 🙂
Free verse by jay
One afternoon I said to myself,
“Why isn’t the agreeable acquaintanceship more profound?”
Never forget the skin-deep and shallow agreeable acquaintanceship.
A charming cordiality, however hard it tries,
Will always be mutual.
Does the charming cordiality make you shiver?
Pay attention to the kinship,
kinship are the most wooly relation of all.
Are you upset by how wooly-minded they are?
Does it tear you apart to see the kinship so hirsute?
Why would you think the lost love is fatless?
the lost love is the most fat lover of all.
Never forget the fattish and portly lost love.