I liked this parable : Mathew 13


The Parable of the Sower (sometimes called the Parable of the Soils) is a parable of Jesusfound in the three Synoptic Gospels in Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, and Luke 8:4-15.

In the story, a sower sows seed and does so indiscriminately. Some seed falls on the path (wayside) with no soil, some on rocky ground with little soil, and some on soil which contained thorns. In these cases the seed is taken away or fails to produce a crop, but when it falls on good soil it grows, yielding thirty, sixty, or a hundredfold.

Jesus then (only in the presence of his disciples) explains that the seed represents the Gospel (the sower being anyone who proclaims it), and the various soils represent people’s responses to it (the first three representing rejection while the last represents acceptance.

I’m a gardener Mentor. I try and die the seeds to make Dreams grow into ambitions, translating into Vision, mission, goals, objectives, action plans, biz, marketing plans etal.

In my efforts, sometimes I come across very distressed mentees. I have to work on making the soil good as they have rocky soil of past bad experiences, thorny soil which does not allow seeds to germinate, or find soil. I spend 5, 13, 26, 52 weeks depending upon the STATE, and SITUATION.

I Sometimes come across Sand, silt or clay land or simply rocky land. Rarely I find delta land ( usualy in C Suite execs) which is fertile . Each gets a different mentor treatment.

It works. There are failures too. As the mentorees stop responding and throw seeds on footpath – it is eaten by birds and pigeons.

In one case, after sowing 150 revenue ideas and rigorously, tilling the land I found failure. I decided to move on. As the farmer/ mentoree just did not understand and allowed my gardening efforts fail.

Sad but true! It happens.

Gardener then moves on too…

Sharing my fav Newsletter – Brainpickings.org weekly digest.


This is the brainpickings.org weekly digest by Maria Popova. If you missed last week’s edition — Bertrand Russell on what makes a fulfilling life, an illustrated celebration of the many meanings and manifestations of love, an immigrant’s tale — you can catch up right here. And if you’d like to try something new/old, I’ve launched another newsletter that comes out every Wednesday, offering a midweek pick-me-up — something inspiring and uplifting culled from the twelve-year Brain Pickingsarchive. You can sign up for that here. If you’re enjoying my labor of love, please consider supporting it with a donation – each month, I spend hundreds of hours and tremendous resources on it, and every little bit of support helps enormously. If you already donate: THANK YOU.

Kahlil Gibran on the Courage to Weather the Uncertainties of Love

“Love is the quality of attention we pay to things,” poet J.D. McClatchy wrote in his beautiful meditation on the contrast and complementarity of love and desire. And what we choose to attend to — our fear or our faith, our woundedness or our devotion to healing — determines the quality of our love. How we navigate our oscillation between these inescapable polarities is governed by the degree of courage, openness, and vulnerability with which we are willing to show up for and to our own hearts. “The alternations between love and its denial,” philosopher Martha Nussbaum observed in contemplating the difficulty of knowing ourselves“constitute the most essential and ubiquitous structural feature of the human heart.”

That is what the great Lebanese-American poet, painter, and philosopher Kahlil Gibran (January 6, 1883–April 10, 1931) explores in one of the most stirring passages from The Prophet (public library) — the 1923 classic that also gave us what may be the finest advice ever offered on the balance of intimacy and independence in healthy relationships.

Kahlil Gibran, self-portrait

Speaking to the paradoxical human impulse to cower before the largeness of love — to run from its vulnerable-making uncertainties and necessary frustrations at the cost of its deepest rewards — Gibran offers an incantation of courage:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

Illustration from An ABZ of Love, Kurt Vonnegut’s favorite vintage Danish guide to sexuality

In a sentiment John Steinbeck would come to echo a generation later in his beautiful letter of advice on love to his teenage son, Gibran adds:

Think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

The Prophet remains a timeless trove of wisdom and a mighty clarifying force for the turbidity of the heart. Complement it with Gibran on why we make art and his stunning love letters, then revisit Adrienne Rich on how honorable relationships refine our truths, Erich Fromm on the art of loving and what is keeping us from mastering it, Leo Tolstoy on love and its paradoxical demands, and this wondrous illustrated meditation on the many meanings and manifestations of love.

Hope is not a Strategy, These Random Phrases do come true for me sometimes.


  1. Close But No Cigar
    Meaning: Coming close to a successful outcome only to fall short at the end. Will make sure, this does not happen today.
  2. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts
    Meaning: Finishing a task without making any excuses. Yess. FINISHIATIVE.
  3. Burst Your Bubble
    Meaning: To ruin someone’s happy moment. NO. Don’t want to do that. 
  4. Don’t Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch
    Meaning: Do not rely on something you are not sure of. Sane advice. So many plans put in motion, so many processes and work in progress that my elder cousin warned me not to take too much on my plate.  Sane advice. I am still far away from my 9 kilo weight reduction goal for this month.
  5. Cry Wolf
    Meaning: Someone that calls for help when it is not needed. Someone who is lying.  Yes. It happens again and again and again with me and I always fall prey. God give me a Midas touch – Nay! Give a truly healing touch I PRAY to you.
  6. Knuckle Down
    Meaning: Getting sincere about something; applying oneself seriously to a job. All the time. Never changed on this. Keep at it. That’s my philosophy and that’s what I preach and practice. 

What will the day be like – Random Phrases predict :)


I like to generate these random phrases and compare their attributions at the End of the day and usually they come correct.

Let’s see what’s in store for me today.

  1. Go For Broke
    Meaning: To risk it all, even if it means losing everything. To go all out.   If the message is about achieving 10000 likes in 58 days and thanking the BFFFs with deep sense of gratitude. I am all for it. 
  2. In a Pickle
    Meaning: Being in a difficult predicament; a mess; an undesirable situation.  Yes. it is true and getting out is messy. Staying in is messier.  Feels like a Camel whose owner wants to make him piss inside the tent but keep his Head out so that owner’s privacy is protected 🙂 
  3. Up In Arms
    Meaning: Angry; being roused to the point that you are ready to fight. Hmmm.. there is no fight left in me any more. I would rather honorably and peacefully walk aaway from UNCERTAINTY and SITUATIONS that bother me. 
  4. Put a Sock In It
    Meaning: Asking someone to be quiet or to shut up. No. That’s not Me. I would rather talk it over to a conclusion. 
  5. Give a Man a Fish
    Meaning: It’s better to teach a person how to do something than to do that something for them. Yes. fully agree. Handholding by the mentor can not become Mentor’s tasks – A mentor needs to find a way to Wean to Win so the Mentees WTW Win The World.  

Lying in her long veils i shall let the wind


Lying in her long veils i shall let the wind

In a dream I shall feel lovely outstretched feet black velvety jacket;
kissed the nymph of lascivious satyrs;
the ruffled water-lilies! he sings and the woods sing!

On the blue summer evenings who dreams with.
– like an organ of iron, and that he has seen.
Curves of her back hemmed in by chimaeras.
– dreamy eye towards where the stars are sleeping.

Lying in her long veils, i shall let the wind
into the deep ocean why the blue silence
pierced by an unlucky unfathomable space;

As I was floating down, whose sobs realize incredible floridas ,
clamouring birds seen archipelagos of entranced in pallid flotsam
backwards into sleep, i hung there

by Jay 

Jay’s Tantra 7 – For a Bad, Bad, Sad, Sad Day and the day just shines Bright!


I use this small hack I call as Tantra whenever I have a Bad BAd or Sad SAD day.

Someone once gifted me a Bible, and I have a childhood ShrimadbhagwatGita.

I open a page to read a Verse or a Shloka.

Yesterday, was one such day.  I went to my daily morning walks and stopped for taking some change at the Tea Shop.  The devout guy was lighting Agarbatti/ Incense to Lord Ganpati, Goddess Saraswati and Goddess Lakshmi.  I said, Good Omen ( Yes, even a Skeptic on a bad bad sad sad day can become believer ! ).

I read the following

2 Kings 2:18Passage: When they returned to Elisha, who was staying in Jericho, he said to them, “Didn’t I tell you not to go?”

And from Gita came

dhyaayato vishayaanh pumsah sangasteshhupajaayate |
sangaath samjaayate kaamah kaamaath krodho abhijaayate ||

A Shloka – my father taught me at the Age 7.

When a person dwells longingly on sense objects, an inclination towards them is generated.
This inclination develops into desire and desire gives rise to anger.

I got my messages – Strong and Clear. By evening I had put them to use and had Peace of mind and a good night’s sleep. Everything became alright.

Wanna try – Please do. It works for me every time.

 

My day and the Random Phrases. Overall a Great day of Rest.


  1. Quick On the Draw
    Meaning: Performing an action with the greatest of haste.
  2. Back to Square One
    Meaning: To go back to the beginning; back to the drawing board. Took the lead to mend fences and getting into Mission mode rather than the Shared Vision mode. 
  3. Wouldn’t Harm a Fly
    Meaning: Nonviolent; someone who is mild or gentle. 
  4. It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be
    Meaning: Failing to meet expectations; not being as good as people say.  But sometimes, we fail to do the right things knowingly and then wake up too late to recover from the shock 
  5. Birds of a Feather Flock Together
    Meaning: 
    People tend to associate with others who share similar interests.  Hmmm.. 

Change with the Time – Great WhatsApp forward from a friend.


In 1998, Kodak employed 1,70,000 employees and sold 85% of the world’s photo papers. Within the last few years, digital photography made them out of the market. Kodak went bankrupt and all his staff came on the road. .

HMT (clock)
BAJAJ (scooter)
DYANORA (TV)
MURPHY (radio)
NOKIA (Mobile)
RAJDOOT (bike)
AMBASSADOR (car)

Friends,
There was no shortage of quality at all, yet they were out of the market !!
reason???
They have not changed over time. !!

You have an idea that in the coming 10 years, the world will change completely and 70 to 90% of the people running today will be closed.

Welcome to the 4th Industrial Revolution …

Uber is just a software. He does not have a single car of his own, despite this he is the world’s largest taxi company.

Airbnb is the world’s largest hotel company, while they do not have a single hotel of their own.

There are many examples like paytm, ola cabs, oyo rooms.

There is no work left for young lawyers in the US now because the software named IBM Watson gives better legal advice throughout the moment. In the next 10 years, 90% of Americans will become unemployed … who will save 10% … they will be Super Specialists.

The software named Watson is diagnosed with 4x Accuracy of Cancer compared to humans. By 2030 the computer will be more intelligent than humans.

By 2018, Driverless cars will land on the roads. By 2020, this single invention will start to change the whole world.

90% cars will disappear from the streets of the world in the next 10 years … Those who will survive will either have electric cars or hybrid … roads will be empty, consumption of petrol will decrease by 90%, all Arab countries will become bankrupt .

You will request a car from a software like Uber and in a few moments, a driverless car will be parked at your door … if you share it with someone, that ride will be cheaper than your bike.

Due to being a driverless of cars, 99% of accidents will stop. This will stop the business of Car Insurance.

No employment like a driver will survive on earth. When 90% cars will disappear from cities and roads, problems like Traffic and Parking will end automatically … because a car will be equal to 20 cars today.

From today 5 or 10 years ago, there was no such place where there is no PCO. When the mobile phone arrived, the PCOs had to shut down. The PCO people started selling the mobile phones. Now the recharge is also going online.

Have you ever noticed ..?

Today, every third store in the market is a mobile phone store which does
sale, service and maintenance of phones and it’s accessories..

Almost all payments are done by Paytm today ..
People have started booking railway tickets with their phones. The transaction of money is also changing. Currency Note was replaced by Plastic Money and now it’s
Digital…

 

Hence…
Every Person should continue to make changes in his business or his / her way of working and should also change his / her nature over time for Good.

“Keep Updating / Upgrading Your Skills and Knowledge with Time”

The world is changing very fast ..
Keep Your eyes and ears open or else you will lose …

Be prepared to change with time.

Run with time and
Be Successful.🙏🌹🙏

Random Sentence/ Lateral thoughts


The three sentences I found at randome are: Will be interesting how they apply by the end of the day as possible solutions to the problems at hand.

I use Dr. Edward De Bono’s Random object attribution listing method of creative problem solving and the variant I use is Random sentences and Random phrases.  Both are path breakers in most instances that I have tried personally, for others or for businesses.  Try it out.

  1. Lets all be unique together until we realise we are all the same.
  2. Mary plays the piano.
  3. My Mum tries to be cool by saying that she likes all the same things that I do.

Random phrases make my day – Jack of all trades Master of none is at top today :)


Just wondering how well or badly the day pans out 🙂

  1. Jack of All Trades Master of None
    Meaning: Having suitable skill in multiple things, but not being an expert in any of them.
  2. Par For the Course
    Meaning: What you would expect to happen; something normal or common.
  3. Ring Any Bells?
    Meaning: Recalling a memory; causing a person to remember something or someone.
  4. Mouth-watering
    Meaning: Delicious; something that looks or tastes appetizing.
  5. Swinging For the Fences
    Meaning: Giving something your all.
  6. Down For The Count
    Meaning: Someone or something that looks to be defeated, or nearly so

The Teacher and the Woman Rhyming Couplet Ideas by jay


See the eating of the teacher,
I think he’s angry at the imaginary creature.

He finds it hard to see the tissue,
Overshadowed by the heavy gnu.

Who is that flying near the rat?
I think she’d like to eat the doormat.

She is but an intelligent woman,
Admired as she sits upon a noblewoman.

Her gentle car is just a turtle,
It needs no gas, it runs on pirtle.

She’s not alone she brings a sheep,
a pet pig, and lots of weep.

The pig likes to chase a monkey,
Especially one that’s in the flunky.

The teacher shudders at the fancy pig
He want to leave but she wants the rig.

The Communicator and the Actress by jay


See the swimming of the Communicator,
I think he’s angry at the operator.

He finds it hard to see the octopus,
Overshadowed by the nocturnal puss.

Who is that frightening near the kangaroo?
I think she’d like to eat the pursue.

She is but a ready acting,
Admired as she sits upon a black tongue

Her glorious car is just a beach,
It needs no gas, it runs on reach.

She’s not alone she brings a spanner,
a pet donkey, and lots of tanner.

The donkey likes to chase a box,
Especially one that’s in the tarbox.

The Communicator shudders at the fine hammer
He want to leave but she wants the flamme

All brilliant about the ground


Quite comely above the dream
You summon arid idiots in the bullshit
Alack! The passion is born
Strange and comely over the land
We prod murky eruptions in the shadows
Alass! The sin was good


All brilliant about the ground


We condone splintering men against the water
Be watchful. The stink was hard
backlit grieving
never meeting
the next life waiting
Down what streets
the face in your mirror
look for love
while the world changed

Random Phrases of the day and how days pan out.


  1. You Can’t Judge a Book By Its Cover
    Meaning: Don’t judge someone or something only by the outward appearance. They can be fooling. How long we allow ourselves to be fooled is up to us REALLY  
  2. A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted
    Meaning: 
    It’s easy for a fool to lose his/her money. Hmmm…
  3. Mountain Out of a Molehill
    Meaning: One who escalates small things and turns them into big problems. Quite true. We meet complaining, whining people who avoid ownership, responsibility taking and attribute failures others rather than owning up mistakes. 
  4. Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed
    Meaning: Someone who isn’t witty or sharp, but rather, they are ignorant, unintelligent, or senseless. Some people are so phony intellectuals who parrotise, write dictated mails by others, and when confronted just run away.

Totally sexy about the dream


Random Poetry

Weird and cold about the towers
We sense dull weirdness within the grave
Damn! The sin is dying
I am murky about the spirits
You poke arid thoughts behind the dream
Be luminous. The fun was hard

Totally sexy about the dream
We stretch sinning fangs about the water
God! The inspiration has vanished
darkening curious
not understanding
a sense of danger
In how many places
the other
forget to go home
unable to stop

The Bright And Funny Rock A Poem by Jay


Whose rock is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite happy though.
Full of joy like a vivid rainbow,
I watch him laugh. I cry hello.

He gives his rock a shake,
And laughs until her belly aches.
The only other sound’s the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.

The rock is bright, funny and deep,
But he has promises to keep,

After cake and lots of sleep.

Sweet dreams come to him cheap.

He rises from his gentle bed,
With thoughts of kittens in his head,
He eats his jam with lots of bread.
Ready for the day ahead.

With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.

My Random phrases for the day – Action Plan? May be:)


  1. Back To the Drawing Board
    Meaning: Starting over again on a new design from a previously failed attempt. Starting over again, in a new city this time. Hope is not the Strategy. Doing is.
  2. Know the Ropes 
    Meaning: Having a familiarity or understanding of how something works. This sure is a help, An insider friend’s insights as I do not know the market, the customer yet. 
  3. Dropping Like Flies
    Meaning: To fall down ill or to die in large numbers. Hmmm… don’t know how this will work.
  4. Under Your Nose
    Meaning: Missing something that should be really obvious. I must be meticulous, scrupulous and a perfectionist this time around, taking care of all nitty gritty. 
  5. Quality Time
    Meaning: Spending time with another to strengthen the relationship. Yesss.! Meeting my 2 closest friends of 33 years after a long time is sure a motivation for the upcoming trip tomorrow.  

Two Spiteful Uncles Chatting to the Beat A Short Story by jay ( Auto generated and edited :) )


Teelo Teelo was thinking about Heart Break again. Heart was a cold-blooded juggler with pursed lips and Teelo Teelo had self cause hurt to his fingers.

Teelo walked over to the window and reflected on his Odorless surroundings. He had always loved The Dark Skies with its filthy, fried Universe, Full of Stars, Self Illuminated and those shining with reflected Glory. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel concerned.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a cold-blooded figure of Heart Break.

Teelo gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. She was a snotty, scheming, beer drinker with skinny body and slimy, sweaty palms. His friends saw her as a testy, tough teacher. Once, she had even rescued an ashamed old man from a road accident.

But not even a snotty person who had once rescued an ashamed old man from a road adccident, was prepared for what Heart had in store today.

The clouds danced like gyrating pigeons, making Teelo sparkly. Teelo grabbed a crumpled guillotine that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Teelo stepped outside and Heart came closer, he could see the vague glint in her eye.

Heart glared with all the wrath of 4432 clumsy squidgy snakes. She said, in hushed tones, “I hate you but I want xoxo.”

Teelo looked back, even more sparkly and still fingering the crumpled guillotine. “Heart,  I bid you adiós, adieu, addio, adeus. … aloha. … arrivederci. … ciao. … auf Wiedersehen. … au revoir. … bon voyage. … sayonara,” he replied.

They looked at each other with calm feelings, like two flabby, flipping frogs thinking at a very arrogant disco, which had trance music playing in the background and two spiteful uncles chatting to the beat.

Teelo studied Heart’s sticky lips and hurt fingers. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” began Teelo in apologetic tones, “but I don’t feel the same way, and I never will. I just don’t hate you Heart.”

Heart looked lonely, her emotions raw like a kooky, kaleidoscopic knife.

Teelo could actually hear Heart’s emotions shatter into 4863 pieces. Then the cold-blooded juggler hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of beer would calm Teelo’s nerves tonight.

 

THE END

Even Sinners and Saints can become Better and still better.


The sinner need not have the stigma of eternal degradation and the saint need not have pride in his moral attainments.

No one, however saintly he may be, has attained the heights of moral virtues except after a life of moral failings, and no one is so bad as to be unable to improve and become good.

Everyone, no matter how depraved, can gradually become better and better until he becomes the best example for all mankind.

There is always hope for everyone; none is utterly lost and none need despair. It remains true, however, that the way to divinity lies through the renunciation of evil in favour of the good.

——-AVATAR MEHER BABA

[Source- Discourses by Meher Baba, volume-I, p-94-95 (Copyright ©1967 by Adi K. Irani, King’s Rd., Ahmednagar, Maharashtra, India]

Sometimes, the random sentences are Soooo creative and Positive :)


  1. I love eating toasted cheese and tuna sandwiches.  And I am a vegetarian. 
  2. There were white out conditions in the town; subsequently, the roads were impassable.  Truly describing terrible Bangalore colonies roads.
  3. The book is in front of the table.  Yes but I haven’t even read the cover page. 
  4. Cats are good pets, for they are clean and are not noisy.  I like the FOLLOW ME Pugs though. Except I don’t like to take them on a Poop Walk.  My morning walks are clean 🙂

Random Phrases for today. Let us see next… :)


  1. Down For The Count
    Meaning: Someone or something that looks to be defeated, or nearly so.  Does it mean Me? 
  2. A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted
    Meaning: It’s easy for a fool to lose his/her money. Quite true. I fall prey all the time to neuromarketing gimmicks. 
  3. Keep Your Shirt On
    Meaning: Keeping calm. Usually said by someone who is trying to avoid making others upset.  LOL ! how true! 
  4. Back To the Drawing Board
    Meaning: Starting over again on a new design from a previously failed attempt. Yes. I am. Trying Hard. Redesigning blog. Planning whether to restart painting. Have to prepare two teaching courses. Dependency is BAD.
  5. A Dime a Dozen
    Meaning: Something that is extremely common. Hmmm.  I am so mundane ! 🙂

Wild Jay A Short Story by Jay


I have decided to become a Story Writer and a Story TI have decided to become a Story Writer and a Story Teller going forward. The Udemy Course was very useful so was this Story Generator. See what it produced. Wonderful nO?

I did some edits here and there to keep the flow and continuity.

Jay was thinking about Goji Berry again. Goji was an arrogant queen with brunette hair and sticky fingers, slimey, limp palms and pursed lips.
Jay walked over to the window and reflected on his pig in the mud surroundings. He had always hated snake burrow The Earth with its united, as he uninterested in what is under the earth. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel calm.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an arrogant figure of Goji Berry.
Jay gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a wild, ruthless, whiskey drinker with ginger fingers and pouting lips. His friends saw him as an arrogant, anxious author. Once, he had even saved a tight old man that was stuck in a drain.
But not even a wild person who had once saved a tight old man that was stuck in a drain, was prepared for what Goji had in store today.
The clouds danced like bopping snakes, making Jay irritable. Jay grabbed a bendy rock that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his hurt fingers. He had caused the self hurt.
As Jay stepped outside and Goji came closer, he could see the outstanding glint in her eye.
“I am here because I want Apology,” Goji bellowed, in a sinister tone. She slammed her fist against Jay’s chest, with the force of 8735 humming birds. “I frigging hate you, Jay .”
Jay looked back, even more irritable and still fingering the bendy rock. “Goji, I am your Foster Father,” he replied.
They looked at each other with cross feelings, like two thundering, thoughtful tortoises rampaging at a very tactless accident, which had jazz music playing in the background and two vile uncles talking to the beat.
Jay studied Goji’s brunette hair and his hurt fingers and the pursed lips. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you Apology,” he explained, in pitying tones.
Goji looked angry, her body raw like a glorious, good gun.
Jay could actually hear Goji’s body shatter into 6000 pieces. Then the arrogant queen hurried away into the distance.
Not even a glass of whiskey would calm Jay’s nerves tonight.

THE END
#Storyteller, storywriter, #mentor #pigfight #snakes #tortoises #mentoring #Mentoring fun #Jay #Jaymentoreller going forward. The Udemy Course was very useful so was this Story Generator. See what it produced.  Wonderful nO?

I did some edits here and there to keep the flow and continuity.

 

Jay was thinking about Goji Berry again. Goji was an arrogant queen with brunette hair and sticky fingers, slimey, limp palms and pursed lips.

Jay walked over to the window and reflected on his pig in the mud surroundings. He had always hated snake burrow The Earth with its united, as he uninterested in what is under the earth. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel calm.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an arrogant figure of Goji Berry.

Jay gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a wild, ruthless, whiskey drinker with ginger fingers and pouting lips. His friends saw him as an arrogant, anxious author. Once, he had even saved a tight old man that was stuck in a drain.

But not even a wild person who had once saved a tight old man that was stuck in a drain, was prepared for what Goji had in store today.

The clouds danced like bopping snakes, making Jay irritable. Jay grabbed a bendy rock that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his hurt fingers. He had caused the self hurt.

As Jay stepped outside and Goji came closer, he could see the outstanding glint in her eye.

“I am here because I want Apology,” Goji bellowed, in a sinister tone. She slammed her fist against Jay’s chest, with the force of 8735 humming birds. “I frigging hate you, Jay .”

Jay looked back, even more irritable and still fingering the bendy rock. “Goji, I am your Foster Father,” he replied.

They looked at each other with cross feelings, like two thundering, thoughtful tortoises rampaging at a very tactless accident, which had jazz music playing in the background and two vile uncles talking to the beat.

Jay studied Goji’s brunette hair and his hurt fingers and the pursed lips. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you Apology,” he explained, in pitying tones.

Goji looked angry, her body raw like a glorious, good gun.

Jay could actually hear Goji’s body shatter into 6000 pieces. Then the arrogant queen hurried away into the distance.

Not even a glass of whiskey would calm Jay’s nerves tonight.

 

THE END

#Storyteller, storywriter, #mentor #pigfight #snakes #tortoises #mentoring #Mentoring fun #Jay #Jaymentor

Random Phrases that guided today… Sad, mad, crazy morning


And during the hard negotiation, due to my straight talk my friend became afraid and thought I would burst like a cracker or a bomb now 🙂 🙂 That changed the morning mood somewhat.

  1. Off One’s Base
    Meaning: A person that is crazy or behaving in idiotic ways  And I could take it no more. 🙂
  2. Fight Fire With Fire
    Meaning: To retaliate with an attack that is similar to the attack used against you. This was the best course of action left:)
  3. High And Dry
    Meaning: To be left behind; abandoned. Being in a helpless situation without a way to recover. The feeling or the aftermath.
  4. Man of Few Words
    Meaning: A person who does not speak a great deal; someone who talks with as few words as possible.  I choose not to use all fingers for typing on a key board and purse my lips to achieve this. 🙂

Sugar – Honey – Iced – Tea … Guess what it means.:) It was a crazy morning


  • When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  • The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

  • The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

  • If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

  • If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Smart phrases – Revisited and Rephrased on a mad mad day…


It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluids.

Don’t cry over spilled milk

The stylus is more potent than the dirk.

The pen is more powerful than the sword.

All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

Those who bask in reflected glory with no self illuminations masquerade as celebrities

All that glitters isn’t gold.

Male cadavers are incapable of yielding testimony.

Dead men don’t talk.

Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting projectiles.  I like this the most 🙂

People who live in glasshouses shouldn’t throw stones.

Missiles of ligneous or petrous consistency have the potential of fracturing my osseous structure, but appellations will remain sempiternally innocuous.

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

 

#Life #Poetry # Proverbs, #Madness #frenemy #enemy #Bad day #Revisit #Rephrase #Creativity #Mentoring #Dementor

12th Certification this month.WOW! I’m on a Roll !:)


12. Power of Persuasion UC-G11CVUA7.jpgvia UC-G11CVUA7.jpg (1600×1194)

My Random sentences for the day


  1. The river stole the gods. Hmmm…. I think there is truth there. .. Will wait till day end.
  2. Don’t step on the broken glass. – True, especially when you have shown someone the mirror undiplomatically, unapologetically and unconventionally and it has been broken using your HEAD 🙂 

Random Inputs and My New Day begins


  1. Quick and Dirty Meaning: Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well.  No, it wasn’t dirty but it was a bad prank I played for a couple of days having failed last time, I think it has gone awry again and I may be on the brink of losing a good friend. That will be very sad. 
  2. No-Brainer Meaning: Anything that requires minimal brain activity to accomplish. I thought it displays my state of mind today with No brains 🙂 but fortunately it means something else.
  3. Know the Ropes Meaning: Having a familiarity or understanding of how something works. Yes. I have said sorry profusely. I am hoping it will work. 
  4. What Goes Up Must Come Down Meaning: Things that go up must eventually return to the earth due to gravity.  I am positive. 
  5. Don’t Look a Gift Horse In The Mouth Meaning: When you receive a gift from someone, do not be ungrateful. Will have to wait and see how the day unfolds hereafter. 

My random phrases for the day sometimes fortell the happenings of the day


#Life #Relationshiops #judging #situation #expectations

  1. I Smell a Rat Meaning: A feeling that something is not quite right, or awry.  I met him. He was late. The meeting lasted 30 minutes against original plan of 2 hours as we met after nearly 6 years. Something was amiss. Something was wrong.
  2. Par For the Course Meaning: What you would expect to happen; something normal or common. He came to the point said I shall do two things for you. I said, I came to meet without expectations. He added and committed to more more I this this was not par for the course. Seemed like a Gimme to me. 
  3. You Can’t Judge a Book By Its Cover Meaning: Don’t judge someone or something only by the outward appearance.  The beard was gone, Hair were short cropped, eyes bore a cold look.  Was the man Calm and composed within.  I was not judging.
  4. On the Ropes Meaning: Being in a situation that looks to be hopeless! There was no compatibility, there was no synergy, leveraging strengths was thrown out of the windows ( and were there too many of them?) The break up was inevitable. 
  5. Give a Man a Fish Meaning: It’s better to teach a person how to do something than to do that something for them. I have believed in this phrase all my life but still do things as Mentor for them I should not be doing and that makes them habituated of spoon feeding, Receiving and expecting more = ready on a platter. When not delivered the bubble bursts. 

Isn’t that called Life?

Sometimes Random sentences make or mar our days.


  1. Sometimes it is better to just walk away from things and go back to them later when you’re in a better frame of mind.  So very true for this day.  Damn my biorhythms !
  2. I will never be this young again. Ever. Oh damn… I just got older.  That’s right. 
  3. He said he was not there yesterday; however, many people saw him there.  Hmmm… Must have lied to his wife, who else?:)
  4. Is it free? WHAT IS?  Yes, Advice is free, feedback is free. Even T H A T people charge money these days – they are called MENTORS like Jay 🙂 
  5. Tom got a small piece of pie. Hmmm… anything left for me.. NOOO! Im on diet till 31st July. Have to drop to 80Kg ! 
  6. She folded her handkerchief neatly.  One of my babyboomer (habit) privilege also stolen! 🙂 

Frenemy and Fake People


#Frenemy #FakePeople

They give their Fakes and legs a shake,
And sob until their tears melt.
The only other sound’s the break,
Of distant mirrors keeping barbers awake.

Fake are People, Frenemy and deep,
But they too have promises to keep,
Until then they shall not sleep.
They lie in beds with ducts that weep.

They rise from their bitter beds,
With thoughts of madness in their head,
They idolise being dead.
Faking the day with never-ending dread.

With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.

Some Surreal Definitions and Diet / Weight control


Definition:

Coffee:  a heavier-than-air aircraft kept aloft by the upward thrust exerted by the passing air on its fixed wings and driven by propellers, jet propulsion, etc.
Sea:  an electronic device designed to accept data, perform prescribed mathematical and logical operations at high speed, and display the results of these operations.
 
Enemy:  any of the wild or cultivated, usually prickly-stemmed, pinnate-leaved, showy-flowered shrubs of the genus Rosa.
Nihilism:  an article of furniture consisting of a flat, slablike top supported on one or more legs or other supports.
Computer:  any warm-blooded vertebrate of the class Aves, having a body covered with feathers, forelimbs modified into wings, scaly legs, a beak, and no teeth, and bearing young in a hard-shelled egg.

Random Input this morning and what I intend to do today


  • Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees
    Meaning: Suggests that money is a resource that must be earned and is not one that’s easily acquired.

 

This I know! 

 

If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Get Out of the KitchenMeaning: One should discontinue with a task if they are unable to cope with it due to pressure.

I did that. Ferociously, Vehemently. Getting Rid of a Bad BAd Habit. 

 

My Cup of TeaMeaning: Someone or something that one finds to be agreeable or delightful.

Yes. I need to begin painting again. 

 

Fight Fire With FireMeaning: To retaliate with an attack that is similar to the attack used against you.

May be, NOT.  But will avoid words like Should, Maybe, perhaps, always, never, or begin sentences with a No, But or however. 

 

Cut To The ChaseMeaning: To get to the point, leaving out all of the unnecessary details.

Yes. I find Occam’s Razor working the best for me. However, I feel we still allow negative thoughts and negative and generally don’t change our network filled with such people fast enough.

 

Lovey DoveyMeaning: The affectionate stuff that people do when they are in love, such as kissing and hugging.

Emotional Investments are subject of market Risks – said very fast like the Mutual funds or insurance disclaimer Ads 🙂 

How can I be your friend?


Humming Bird

I am Cattle Class
I tended Cows and buffaloes
and cleaned holy shit
called Gobar – which was
Holier than thou,
they said.

In my childhood
they had
No fancy Fiberal
Hypocrite terms like
Child Labour or
Exploitation of poor.

I still held my Head high
against the Esteemed few
by being a KickAss Rebel

The Wise ones told me
to keep quiet and
Be satisfied and
Find Dignity in labour.

I am the pendulum moving
Right of Centre sometimes and
Center of Center Eccentric next.
They labelled me Neo-Convert.

So I’m can’t in
the same category
as your Left of Center friends.

I created a Class of my own
The Holy Cow-Shit Class.

How can such a Sanskaari
Be friends with
the Sickulars and
Fiberals.

The pseudo-rebels
who never tasted
Poverty or hardships

The brainwashed
Free Sex drug addicts
seducers and sedition
Artists.

the Commie and
Naxal, the JNU Types
No. No Way!
With times my Commie friends
Have Changed

They are the Closeted Neo-Rich
The ghost Liasion agents
of the powers that be and
the Puppeteers who
bankroll them
To keep up a Rebel front.

You may name me a Fiend,
That’s OKay!
But never a Friend.

Random phrases like these set the tone for my day. At times all come true:)


  1. Easy As Pie Meaning: Something that is easy.
  2. In the Red  Meaning: Losing money. Being in debt.
  3. Up In Arms Meaning: Angry; being roused to the point that you are ready to fight.
  4. Fish Out Of Water Meaning: Someone being in a situation that they are unfamiliar or unsuited for.
  5. Burst Your Bubble Meaning: To ruin someone’s happy moment.

Random phrases like these impact my day positively. I generate them daily. Jay’s Tantra 06


  1. It’s Not Brain Surgery Meaning: A task that’s easy to accomplish, a thing lacking complexity.
  2. Quick and Dirty Meaning: Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well.
  3. Off One’s Base Meaning: A person that is crazy or behaving in idiotic 

Spirituality and Detachment


Spirituality consists in meeting life adequately and fully without being overpowered by the opposites.

It must assert its dominion over all illusions—however attractive or powerful.

Without avoiding contact with the different forms of life, a perfect man functions with complete detachment in the midst of intense activity.

——-AVATAR MEHER BABA

[Discourses by Meher Baba, volume-I, p-33 (Copyright ©1967 by Adi K. Irani, King’s Rd., Ahmednagar, Maharashtra, India]

Keep Walking – Keep Learning


Pt. Deen Dayal Upadhyay gave a Mantra – Charaiveti, CharaiVeti. Keep Walking .. And Trust me Chalte Chalte – Just morning Walking I am doing these certifications and it feels so good. Learning new things, new skills is my passion and now I have all the time available to pursue thing I always wanted to do. 🙂UC-O6Y5BULC

Have you felt Humbled?


I was going thru some of my old EverNote notes.
It read:
“Unable to get people on con call.
Someone commented on my old tie –all it needs is a stitch.
I was humbled.”
Those were good old Corporate days. Sometimes due to the Global Time Differences, it would become difficult to get people on Conference Calls/ Video Calls/ Audio Chats.
I remember vividly, one of the colleagues took a dig at my tie whose label had come out from one side and was visible to the powerful camera and hence to all participants.
My colleague said “All your Old Tie needs is a Stitch”.   It humbled me.
Today, I do not remember the name of the colleague and my bad, I did not note it down in the Evernote.
Thinking – how to mend some of the Old ties? The Old friendships. The Oldest ones for example.  A friend sent me a WhatsApp last afternoon “All well? No news from you for long?”
I thought, this friend was visiting USA to his two sons and may not have access to his Indian phone number/ whatsapp as it is a long stay – he had planned to stay for 6 months.
Then after a while, I found two missed calls and one which stopped before 3 rings ( Damn Redmi Y1 and Damn my One Plus 5 T).  I called him.  He was back 15 days ago and was shifting home after 34 years.  We became colleagues and later thick friends since 1985.  His old flat / building was going under renovation and the neighbors were concerned that he had not yet vacated the flat so that the builder can start work.  He shifted to a small one bedroom flat. Sitting among boxes, he thought of me and called. He was worried as most babyboomers do when they do not get RESPONSE.
We had a catch up chat, I said I may visit your town soon for a morning/ evening trip and will try and atleast speak from  airport.  He said stay back, be my guest. Let’s catch up. We may be gone again for a long long time to USA and who knows….
I knew I was humbled again – All the Old Tie needed what just a proverbial STITCH.

Random phrases – very indicative of current.


  1. Hands Down
    Meaning: 
    Anything that’s easy or has no difficulty; something that is a certainty.
  2. Rain on Your Parade
    Meaning: 
    To spoil someone’s fun or plans; ruining a pleasurable moment
  3. Up In Arms
    Meaning: 
    Angry; being roused to the point that you are ready to fight.

About Those Myth-Heard Lyrics: An Introduction to Mondegreens


bout Those Myth-Heard Lyrics: An Introduction to Mondegreens
By Bob Grant on April 7, 2012
Have you been wondering what idiot would name a kid’s song “He’s Got the Whole World in His Pants?” If so, you’ve fallen victim to one of many examples of mondegreens.
The word mondegreen may be new to you, but if you’ve ever been embarrassed to learn that you’ve been mangling a song’s lyrics for years (and who hasn’t?) you’ve perpetrated one. We’ve presented tales of myth-heard song lyrics before, but this week we reveal how these “slips of the ear” got their official name.

Poor Lady Mondegreen
No matter how good your hearing is, you’ve surely misinterpreted a song or poetic performance at some point in the past. Until writer Sylvia Wright introduced the world to mondegreens in 1954, there was no official term for such aural accidents.

Wright’s offering derives from a childhood mishearing of the 17th century Scottish poem “The Bonny Earl of Murray,” often read to her by her mother:

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl of Murray,
And Lady Mondegreen.

While such an ending may appeal to fans of romantic tragedy, a la Romeo and Juliet, in truth there was no such Lady. The last line actually reads, “…and laid him on the green.” And so from a misunderstood line of an obscure ballad comes a term that stands for something always occurring, but never previously defined.

If you think the word “mondegreen” is unusual, consider these clunkers suggested as alternatives: “disclexia” and “Musical Ear Disturbance.” The word “lyricosis” is better, and certainly more descriptive, but it lacks the wonderful euphony of Ms. Wright’s lyrical creation.

Bohemian Rap City
Linguists blame something called “homophony,” or similarity of sounds, for misheard creations like erroneous song lyrics or so-called “eggcorns,” which are scrambled idioms, if you will, rather than verses.

Mondegreens aren’t limited to English; these and similar misunderstandings are inevitable in any language, since there are only so many different and individual verbal sounds that human beings are capable of producing. Add in malfunctioning ears and ambient noise, and the conditions are ripe for all kinds of hilarious fun.

When a Man Loves a Walnut
According to one six-year-old, for example, the central message of the song “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” is that “life’s a butter dream.” And more than one person has wondered why that girl wore raspberries and grapes in the old song “Raspberry Beret” by the Artist Once Again Known as Prince.

For heaven’s sake, they even creep into old Christmas standards. Some of us have yet to figure out what “police naughty dog” has to do with “Feliz Navidad” in the José Feliciano song of that name, any more than we understand why, exactly, someone should “sleep in heavenly peas.” That’s mondegreens for ya!

via About Those Myth-Heard Lyrics: An Introduction to Mondegreens.html

Selfishness, Selflessness and Personal Ego


Selfishness and selflessness are two phases of the life of the personal ego, and these two phases are continuous with each other.

Selfishness arises when all the desires are centred around the narrow individuality. Selflessness arises when this crude organisation of desires suffers disintegration and there is a general dispersing of desires with the result that they cover a much wider sphere.

Selfishness is the narrowing down of interests to a limited field; selflessness is the extension of interests over a wide field.

To put it paradoxically, selfishness is a restricted form of selflessness, and selflessness is the drawing out of selfishness into a wide sphere of activity.

——-AVATAR MEHER BABA

[Discourses by Meher Baba, volume-I, p-29-30 (Copyright ©1967 by Adi K. Irani, King’s Rd., Ahmednagar, Maharashtra, India)]

A chance encounter in a fertilizer dealer shop reminds me of this caption always.  I met a group of Guntotting Ex Dacoits who had spent 7 years in Open Jail as punishment and surrendered in front of Late Shri JayPrakash Narayan.

This Ex Dacoit was a Farmer and political leader now.  When introduced as the sales person who was selling his favorite brand of fertilizer – He had asked in HINDI whther “Ye Saheb swarthee hain ya parmarthee”. A Deep question about whether this person I am being introduced is Selfish or Selfless?  Even an Ex Convict chooses to know this beforehand.  Why I wondered?

Random Musings: Sometimes good for fun:). Jay’s Tantra -4 for Problem Solving


Just some random thoughts that crossed my mind, some with reason, some without reason. I like Dr. Edward De Bono and his Lateral Thinking techniques.  I especially like the Random Object technique of attribute listing.

Here I use these one-liners as Random Input sentences and relate them to a Problem with a Problem-solving objective in mind. Worth a try.

It did help me.

  1. She did not cheat on the test, for it was not the right thing to do.
  2. Wednesday is hump day, but has anyone asked the camel if he’s happy about it?
  3. I really want to go to work, but I am too sick to drive.
  4. I would have gotten the promotion, but my attendance wasn’t good enough.
  5. Yeah, I think it’s a good environment for learning English.
  6. What was the person thinking when they discovered cow’s milk was fine for human consumption… and why did they do it in the first place!?
  7. If the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy had babies would they take your teeth and leave chocolate for you?
  8. I often see the time 11:11 or 12:34 on clocks.

What a Day! Random inputs of the Day.


  1. Shot In the Dark
    Meaning: 
    An attempt that has little chance for success. It actually worked.

    (Out of the box idea seemingly is the RIGHT solution today)

  2. A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted
    Meaning: 
    It’s easy for a fool to lose his/her money.

    (Some live in false pretenses and show off, although paradigms shifted, Reset pressed.

  3. Barking Up The Wrong Tree
    Meaning: 
    To make a wrong assumption about something.

    (Mean- Meaning making machine, lesson of Dissociation on my NLP course ! What a day !)

  4. Mouth-watering
    Meaning: 
    Delicious; something that looks or tastes appetizing.

    (Some Quirky, wacky, tacky, blasphemous, hillarious, original ideas flowed and made the day – very futuristic.  Best to discuss ideas than people and things)

  5. Quick and Dirty
    Meaning: 
    Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well.

    (The sword dangles on relationships, the risks do not go away as communication is onesided as other side is speaking with pursed lips ( suppressed pain and emotions)

  6. Cup Of Joe
    Meaning: 
    A cup of joe is an American nickname for a cup of coffee.

    (Hmmm… and again! I forgot to drink my morning tea before the walk 🙂 )

  7. Keep Your Shirt On
    Meaning: 
    Keeping calm. Usually said by someone who is trying to avoid making others upset.

    (Silence, Quietude like solitude can be counterproductive among friends)

  8. It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be
    Meaning: 
    Failing to meet expectations; not being as good as people say.

    (To expect is BAD – there is no Good in Expectations, lessons learnt, experience gained).

Random Phrase I picked today


  1. Close But No Cigar
    Meaning: 
    Coming close to a successful outcome only to fall short at the end. 

    This came true today.

  2. Under Your Nose
    Meaning: 
    Missing something that should be really obvious.

    This also came true today.

  3. Beating Around the Bush
    Meaning: 
    Someone who is beating around the bush is someone who avoids the main point.

    This also came true today.

  4. Keep On Truckin’
    Meaning: 
    To keep going, pressing forward; never stopping.

    It was the Wish but did not happen

Why breakups hurt like hell – via Medium. I subscribe this.


Why Breakups Hurt Like Hell
How to manage the pain and move on

Lesley Alderman, LMSW
Follow
Jun 8
Photo: Portland Press Herald/Getty

1.1K

This is what I remember from my last major breakup: the cracks in the ceiling. I spent a good 10 hours lying on the couch in my East Village apartment staring at the ceiling, following the lines etched in the fading paint, as if they would lead to more answers. I was stunned that I could feel so drained and defeated even though I had initiated the end.

Breakups can be devastating. You can feel like a desperate 3-year-old lost in a grocery store or a hollowed-out wreck. Why? Because we’re human, and humans are designed to pair with other humans. Uncoupling and rejection feel like threats to our existence. We tend to respond with some variation on the themes of despair, confusion, and rage.

“Separation distress elicits panic,” explains Sue Johnson, PhD, an internationally recognized couples therapist and author. “And people don’t know how to make sense of it.”

Making sense of a breakup, though, is vital: it helps you recover. Looking at what happened and why will reduce the sting and help you make a better choice next time.

The pain you are experiencing is understandable, when you recognize that humans are bonding creatures hardwired for relationships. We are designed to grow and learn in the presence of others. Our connections to lovers, friends, and family define us and help us survive. Healthy intimate relationships provide us with a sense of safety and serve as a buffer against the slings and arrows the world hurls our way.

One study, which looked at the power of hand-holding, showed how robust the buffering effect of a partner can be. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin, Madison observed how 16 happily married heterosexual women reacted when they were threatened with an electric shock. The women were hooked up to a brain scanner, which measured their responses to the shock threat. In one scenario, the women held their husband’s hand, in another they held the hand of an anonymous male experimenter, and in the final scenario, they held no hand at all.

When the women held their husband’s hand, the area of the brain that processes emotional and behavioral threats was less activated than when the women held the hand of the stranger or held no hand. The more favorably the women had rated the quality of their marriage, the more powerful the buffering effect of their husband’s hand. It’s no wonder, then, that losing that safeguard can elicit despair.

Being part of a couple can also change your identity. Researchers at Northwestern University examined the effect that breakups have on self-concept. The 2010 study found that becoming single makes you feel less significant. “When the relationship ends, individuals experience not only pain over the loss of the partner, but also changes in their selves,” the study’s authors wrote.

Breakups can also trigger feelings of shame. “We consider any relationship that ends a failure,” explains Katherine Woodward Thomas, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Conscious Uncoupling (yes, the book that Gwyneth made famous). “We have this belief that love should last forever.” But in reality, most of us will have two to three relationships in our lifetimes and two to three major breakups.

When you’re the one being left, the sting is particularly sharp. Rejection triggers feelings of humiliation, isolation, and pain. Research by Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA has found that the emotional pain of rejection is coded in the same part of the brain as physical pain. Your rational mind may try to downplay the rejection — “Eh, he wasn’t worth it,” — but it registers in your brain as if you’d been punched in the gut.

The best remedy for the pain that follows a breakup is self-care and self-examination. Before you can recover and make rational sense of the breakup, you first need to attend to your shaken sense of self. Talk about the demise of the relationship with your friends, spend time with people who treat you well, write about your worries. Remind yourself that breakups can be traumatic; you need time to adjust and recover.

At the same time, resist self-destructive urges. Don’t stalk your ex online (this will increase your level of distress), pretend you’re fine (suppressing feelings leads, over the longer term, to greater emotional drama), or try to numb your pain with excessive amounts of alcohol, substances, or sex (never a good plan).

When you’re ready, ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this relationship?’ A 2017 study looked at the romantic relationships and breakups of 160 young adults. The researchers found that when individuals understood the reasons for their breakup, they suffered less stress and reported more satisfaction in their next relationship than their less clued-in peers.

Resist the all-too-satisfying desire to totally demonize your ex as a whacked out psychopathic narcissistic wreck of a person. “Okay, maybe your ex was 97 percent of the problem,” says Woodward Thomas. “But let’s look at your three percent. That’s where the gold is.” What did you not say or do — or fail to say or do? What warning signs did you ignore? What old pattern were you replaying? Did you give your power away? Women, for instance, have a tendency to bond more quickly. Men, of course, tend to hang back, wary of committing too much, too fast. Even though those tendencies are well known, we may not see ourselves living out such patterns as they’re happening. “Until you see what you are doing, you are bound to do it again,” says Woodward Thomas.

You will start to figure out who might be a better match for you. Bear in mind, people who are emotionally responsive tend to make the best partners. If you’ve never had the pleasure of dating an emotionally responsive human, here’s what they look like: they listen; they can tolerate your emotions, even when they’re negative; they are moved by your feelings; they are not terrified of vulnerability (they may not love it, but at least they don’t belittle it).

In general, people who are available, reliable, and trustworthy also make good partners in romance and life. Research consistently shows that people who have mates with these characteristics feel secure, nurtured, and supported in their relationships.

“Breakups hurt so much because relationships are so important to us,” says Dr. Johnson. But, with some effort, it’s possible to turn the pain into self-gain. Before you get involved in your next relationship, take some time to picture what a good, enduring one looks like to you.

1.1K

WRITTEN BY
Lesley Alderman, LMSW
Writer. Psychotherapist. Yoga enthusiast. Interested in mental health and helping people feel psychologically sound. Brooklyn based. http://www.lesleyalderman.com

via Why Breakups Hurt Like Hell – Member Feature Stories – Medium