As a mentor I sometimes use 4C technique of mentoring. It’s origins are in the 4 C qualities of the purest diamonds. which are known as Color Clarity, cut and Carat Weight and as Mentor I made some notes to self below:
Respect your belief that we are all One Man Company first.
We are all in our own right, Small budding brands.
We have a place in the Sun.
We have a place in the skies!
Which part of sky belongs to me?
Which set of Starry diamonds my brand resembles?
Am I going to be the brightest and shiniest one?
Or a small simple Solitaire – invaluable Brand?
Sometimes though we see a DARKENING OF THE LIGHT around us even in the Bright Sun!
This masks all our shine, brightness and all the Dimond like qualities in us.
We all have our stars and we are all Celebrities in our own minds and hearts and the Glow and the halo spreading from our idols/ icons sometimes overshadows our own 4 C’s.
The more we allow this to happen to us we become Ex-celebrities in our own mind. Sometimes, Gods and circumstances are against us.
We lose our celebrity status, the paradigms shift, the clocks are reset, the Computers and our life is pushed by a Reset button and to Comeback is the toughest challenge we face.
I designed my 4 C – Comeback Celebrity’s Crazy Coach program for some of such great souls who were in the sky, searching for their space in the darkening of the light.
There is a saying that when light goes down, it may be wise to become invisible.
The image is of fresh darkness, the period is just after sunset or a fire has gone out.
There is still much activity left over from the light of day, and movements in the outer world are at their most dangerous.
Even the smallest sound, the faintest glow of light, can attract unwanted attention.
It is said that when the darkness of stupidity reigns in our human affairs, it is best that we keep your brilliance “hidden under a bushel basket!”
Let your thoughts and efforts therefore be quiet, self-contained, and protected, as much as possible, from harmful influences, negative people, unwanted interruptions of Technology which forces us to Read and Write SMS, WhatsApp, eMails etc. and forces us not to listen and makes us speechless – or DUMB !
Don’t let yourself be swept along on the current of conventional wisdom when dangerous uncertainties exist.
Try not to become too depressed or anxious; such periods will also pass.
Just endure it for now and inwardly preserve your self-confidence, while outwardly remaining cooperative and flexible.
The time to assert yourself will come.
Avoid looking too far ahead if you have not yet achieved your goals– that will only bring regret and longing, which can eat away at your inner strength.
So, be cautious and reserved.
Do not needlessly stimulate forces of opposition.
During dark, unsettled periods, it is best to step gingerly around sleeping dogs.
The climax of the dark ties has arrived, and the darkness has begun to consume even itself. When negative energy is finally spent,people of intelligence and good spirit naturally re-emerge, and gain positions of rightful prominence.
So How does the future look like?
Just Visualize -GRACE AND BEAUTY
Diamonds in the Sky are so Graceful. Diamonds in the Real Life are so precious and Beautiful.
Imagine that there is a splashy sunset that bathes the mountains in a soft radiance; the light of a full moon dances on the surface of a rippling river.
Grace and beauty adorn the natural world.
Grace is neither an all-powerful force, nor is it the essential or fundamental thing.
By itself, it is form without content.
Grace is moonlight on water, not the sunlight at noon.
Yet grace brings artistic expression into the world, and enhances the quality of our lives.
Grace brings success in small matters.
In the arts, grace arises out of adherence to form: the dancer becoming the choreography of the dance; the musician giving life to a musical score; the painter becoming one with brush and canvas.
In human affairs, grace is aligned with mastery of aesthetic and cultural forms honed by time and honored by tradition.
When we appreciate graceful forms in human culture, we apprehend the pure beauty of the ideal, of life raised above the struggle for survival.
The Possession of grace, like the bearing of a beautiful gift to a wedding, can add stature to those in humble positions.
Do Take care to lend grace and dignity to small matters, while giving the weight of deep and careful consideration to matters of greater consequence.
Though it should not be confused with true substance, an artistic flair can take one far in this world.
In this sub-Approach spread over two sessions Jay Parkhe takes the mentee through two other techniques using terms from totally different subject, speciality, Music, Poetry.
In 1st Part we discussed,
universal emotions, what they look like, and why we’re biologically hardwired to express them this way:
In this part, we discuss with the Mentee:
Hindustani Classical Music: Different Kinds of Ragas
Rāga (Sanskrit: राग), comes from a Sanskrit word for “the act of colouring or dyeing”, or simply a “colour, hue, tint, dye”. The term also connotes an emotional statereferring to a “feeling, affection, desire, interest, joy or delight”, particularly related to passion, love, or sympathy for a subject or something. In the context of ancient Indian music, the term refers to a harmonious note, melody, formula, building block of music available to a musician to construct a state of experience in the audience.
From a Mentor’s perspective these are important when I am using the ESTM sub technique as it is enriched by these emotions and testing their stability in the Mentee.
Feeling 2. Affection 3. Desire, 4. Interest 5. Joy 6. Delight Relating to
A. Passion – I call it Pass-I-On or Pass-It-On.
C. Sympathy / Empathy
In ancient Indian Music Raga refers to
i. Harmonious Notes
iv. Building block of music
to construct a state of Experience for the audience.
I do not test each of them but once I have gathered and understood the Mentee’s interest, Passion, aptitude for one or more of the above I test them on the Musical level which is creating Harmony, Melody, Formula and Building Blocks of Success and their ability to do so.
This is not an easy exercise and the tough parts are : Feeling, Affection, Passion and Love. Some mentees mask their Delight, Joy, Sympathy, Empathy while the Real Pseudo Mentees who are out to play spoilsport and waste the mentors’ and their own time and efforts get exposed and usually quit or asked to quit by the mentor.
Music is a very powerful communication medium and it helps us find balance and calm, peace within us. Music begins to live on us and in the same way, Jay tests his mentees on what really ‘LIves on them, what makes them tick or untick or cool off” . This is a difficult exercise and Jay carefully chooses his mentees and whom to put to this test without announcing.
The third and final sub-set of this technique of S.T.E.M. is not from Music but another art form – Acting and it is called Rasa. It is said that Bharata Muni enunciated the eight Rasas in the Nātyasāstra, an ancient Sanskrit text of dramatic theory and other performance arts, written between 200 BC and 200 AD.
In the Indian performing arts, a rasa is a sentiment or emotion evoked in each member of the audience by the art. The Natya (Acting) Shastra mentions six rasa in one section, but in the dedicated section on rasa it states and discusses eight primary rasa.
1Raudram rasa of the destructive fury of goddess Durga in Bharatanatyam
Related to love, eros (Śṛngāra, शृङ्गार)
Humorous, comic (Hāsya, हास्य)
Pathetic, disgust (Bībhatsa, बीभत्स)
Fury, anger (Raudra, रौद्र)
Compassion, sympathy (Kāruṇya, कारुण्य)
Heroic (Vīra, वीर)
Terrible, horrifying (Bhayānaka, भयानक)
Marvellous, amazing (Adbhuta, अद्भुत)
As an Accomplished mentor Jay Parkhe Tests the ABLE Mentees thru this E.S.T.M. Test and try out 2 o 3 of these parallels as Emotional stability tests. No mentee is ever ready to pass thru all 9 neiher is any mentor capable of conducting all without a sense of emotion, sadness at putting the mentee thru a grueling test, Scolding, presurising, autocratically, dominating which sometimes cracks the Best of mentees too.
As I have said before, these are not tests of Go, No Go nature -although they give a deep insight into the minds of the mentees and helps the mentor to specifically focus on the important ones.
E.S.T.M. : OR Emotional Stability Technique of Mentoring is one of Jay Parkhe’s favorite Techniques he sparingly uses with very select mentees who he believes are mentally, emotionally, sentimentally very Strong. If at the outset, with his Transparency, Coach Reveals himself, mentor Provocation and challenge – it turns out that the Mentee is not very strong emotionally – Jay Parkhe tends to hold it back. It is not a common technique applied with weak hearts.
The original idea came from the Conductors of Music Operas with their guiding stick. Jay loves Batons and walking sticks and was the BandLeader in School band and RSS. He played flute, side and bass drum and couple of other instruments apart from the Bugle !
The core idea of Emotional Stability has roots in Emotional Intelligence but in my experience I found that Emotional Stability is more important than just EI. So I went around conducting tests.
I focused on 3 different variants to test Emotional Stability:
universal emotions, what they look like, and why we’re biologically hardwired to express them this way:
Anger. …This test is easy and many Mentees are quick to display their anger and ready to ask tough questions, some take defence in offence, some ready forever with counter questions as their response to express anger with the provocative mentor that Jay Plays during this exercise.
Fear. …is more quizzical but done with an unstructured series of questions asked at different times, differently so as the mentee does not know the motive of the questions or their real intent. It can puzzle them or create a feat in itself of losing the mentor support forever.
Disgust. …Like the definition with several synonyms of the term, the Mentor Jay uses any one of the synonym based upon his assessment of the mentee – he chooses one of these given to test Mentee Emotional stability. It becomes fun at the end and both Jay and mentee usually end up having a hearty laugh.. Some of the mentees break while testing these and some even quit. a feeling of revulsion or strong disapproval aroused by something unpleasant offensive. revulsion, repugnance, aversion, distaste, abhorrence, loathing, detestation, odium, execration, horror; nausea; informal yuck factor; archaic disrelish; rare repellence, repellency cause (someone) to feel revulsion or strong disapproval. revolt, repel, repulse, sicken, nauseate, cause to feel nauseous, make shudder, turn someone’s stomach, make someone’s gorge rise;
be repugnant to, be repulsive to, be distasteful to;
informalturn off, make someone want to throw up, squick;
Sadness. ...The misuse or non-usage of 50 facial muscles to not even put up a fake style is something, some mentees are adept at it and while you can see Sadness and sadism written all over their faces, they like the mentor to prove himself worthy. Words like apathy, melancholia, atrophy fly off an on to describe themselves – (especially when they are offline and can hide behind the distance) are usually pretenders and test the mentor. Jay calls them in true Harry Potter language “De-Mentors” and either leads them away or shakes them off 🙂 . They are not worth mentoring/ coaching.
Surprise. … a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected significant event
The surprise factor is a technique used in storytelling to produce a deep inward feeling as reaction from the audience. It is created by telling a story in a way which creates a certain perception of events which is then revealed to be false often in exact opposition to original perception. The term most often refers to its use in many forms of humor which provides the audience with the twist or punch line, intended to elicit amusement. However it can also be used to elicit a tragic reaction, rather than a comic one. It has been theorized that the essence of humor lies in two elements or factors, the relevance factor, and the surprise factor. First, it is necessary to present something familiar or relevant to the audience. This accounts for gaining the involvement and scrutiny of the audience, who may believe they know the natural follow-through thoughts or conclusion. Next, the actual amusement results from the presentation of some twist on what the audience expected, or else from interpreting the original situation in an unexpected way. These twists and unexpected interpretations may be summarized as the surprise factor. For this reason, knowing a punch line in advance, or some situation which would flub the delivery of the punchline, can destroy the surprise factor, and in turn destroy the entertainment value or amusement the joke may have otherwise provided; such information is known in some contexts as a spoiler. On the other hand, a person previously holding the same unexpected conclusions or secret perspectives as the comedian could derive amusement from hearing those same thoughts expressed and elaborated. That there is commonality, unity of thought, and an ability to openly analyze and express these (where secrecy and inhibited exploration was previously thought necessary) can be the surprise factor in these situations. This phenomenon explains much of the success of comedians who deal with same-gender and same-culture audiences on gender conflicts and cultural topics, respectively.
Happiness. ...While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with the Coach/ Mentor with pseudo expressions of Fake Melancholia, apathy and some go to the extent of showing atrophy wiht the whole mentoring process. Then there are the philosophical types of mentees who play act by putting up a brave front in the garb of Nihilists, Marxists, Sadists and do not like to disclose what makes them happy.
Happiness. …While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with, making it difficult under negative influence of other people, mentors, coaches, among others
Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that pleasure and happiness are the primary or most important intrinsic goods and the aim of human life. A hedonist strives to maximize net pleasure (pleasure minus pain), but when having finally gained that pleasure, happiness remains stationary.
Ethical hedonism is the idea that all people have the right to do everything in their power to achieve the greatest amount of pleasure possible to them. It is also the idea that every person’s pleasure should far surpass their amount of pain. Ethical hedonism is said to have been started by Aristipusof Cyrene, a student of Socrates. He held the idea that pleasure is the highest good.
plural noun: contempts; noun: contempt of court; plural noun: contempts of court
“when he was found to have lied to the House this was a contempt”
contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration. scorn, disdain, disrespect, deprecation, disparagement, denigration, opprobrium, odium, disregard for something that should be considered disrespect, disregard, slighting, neglect;
the offence of being disobedient to or disrespectful of a court of law and its officers.
Testing the Mentees on their Emotional Stability to my mind is better than just doing Emotional Intelligence tests. It is a tough call – not a Go, No Go exercise to dump a mentee/ coachee’ as useless or worthless. Far from it. It helps to point them out their weak areas as Development Gaps which can be easily filled during the currency of the Mentoring exercise itself.
In Part 2 We discuss other ways of Testing Emotional Stability. Read on…