Meet my Virtual Friend – Mr. Nelson Wong


Mr. Nelson Wong and I connected on Ecademy, around the year 2004.  We haven’t yet spoken to each other or virtually or physically shaken hands.  We still consider each other as respected friends whose views we like to read and understand.  Ecademy was a great platform where I learnt “ Connections first – Business Later” and I later added – Business may or may not happen ever but we shall acquire a friend. And Indeed, Ecademy had a campaign called a Friend in Every City which was very popular.

When I requested, Nelson about my sort of inactive blog since 2004 which I had re-activated without any SEO or HTML, CSS knowledge and it was going to touch 100,000 views and I wish to interview and share 20 of my friends, colleagues, mentees, Mentors, Seniors – he readily agreed.

He also helped me with the editing of the interview as this is the first time I am doing these and I am grateful for his help for helping with this edition of the said interview.

 

So who is Mr. Nelson Wong?

Nelson wong.jpg

Mr. Nelson Wong was born in Singapore. He is married. By way of education, he did his BS in Computer Science & in Business Administration, both at the University at Albany, New York.  By profession he is a trade & data analyst in international trade & finance. He is also an e-Business owner of a start-up – www.jnellyns.com.

He has almost four decades of working experience in IT in the soft commodities, precious metals, oil & gas, accounting & forestry products sectors. He was also an external consultant & international trade analyst with the UNECE/FAO, Geneva, Switzerland, for 9 years.

His critique of current politics in USA is incisive, precise and very authentic.  I enjoy reading his posts on Facebook.

 

 

  1. What motivated you to become what you ARE today?

 

  1. Family background. Growing up in a lower income family motivated me to break out of that poverty cycle. A poverty cycle can become a self-feeding vicious cycle, if you don’t break out of it.
  2. This gave me the tools that I needed to move forward & ahead.
  3. They gave me the encouragement to become what I dare to be today.

 

  1. What is the greatest joy you get from what you do?

 

  1. Seeing what I do accomplished its purpose. Having a purpose in what I do is important to me. Otherwise, it’ll drain me instead of driving me.
  2. In almost everything that I do, I learned something new. This gives me joy too.
  3. The ability to share with others about what I’ve learned. Sometimes, knowledge is very much like manure. Keep it in one place & it benefits nobody. Spread it around & everybody gets a slice of the action.

 

  1. What do your fans mean to you?

 

  1. Not much. My focus has always been on the task at hand.
  2. While I’ve no problems working as a member of a team, I’ve always enjoyed working alone.
  3. While I appreciate having friends who will encourage me in what I do, I’m not too much into building a fan base. I don’t have a celebrity mindset.

 

  1. What are you working on next?

 

This is provided that I can actually call it a day anytime soon. I’ve always wanted to design a system in bringing water into dry or arid regions or areas undergoing droughts. Believe me, it’s a matter of time before some countries go to war over fresh drinking water. It’s not a matter of “if” but “when.” We’ve also seen the horrific effects of droughts around the world over the last few years due to climate change. The recent fires in California is a stark reminder that we need water & we need it fast. Climate change is real & it’s becoming deadly.

 

  1. Who are your favourite authors?

 

This is a very good question. I actually don’t have any favorite authors apart from JRR Tolkien. I’ve a collection of about 2,000 books in both hardcopy & softcopy versions. Many of them were written by a mixed bag of authors. I normally read what I need to read & learn something, from data science to programming & from photography to playing the bass guitar.

 

  1. Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?

One of the first was “The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling. I was a cub scout then & we were encouraged to read this book to understand the birth of the Boy Scouts movement. I’ve always loved animals & nature, so this story made me appreciate them even more.

  1. How do you discover the authors you read?

Usually through research & also through recommendations in technical papers & reviews, as well as in trade magazines. As I’ve said before, I’m skewed more towards subject matters than towards the authors themselves.

  1. What are your five favourite books, and why?

 

  1. The R Book by Michael J. Crawley – This is a favorite reference book of mine in R language programming. It’s almost like a Bible to me as I’ve been programming in R for only 2 years.
  2. Financial Risk Modelling & Portfolio Optimization with R by Bernhard Pfaff – This is a favorite reference book of mine in understanding financial data science from an R programmer’s prospective.
  3. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkien – I can hardly think of anyone whose writings that could challenge & stretch the human imagination just as much as JRR Tolkien’s.
  4. Music Theory for the Bass Player by Ariane Cap – A very helpful & enlightening book in merging music theory with fingering (finger aerobics) in a very logical & progressive fashion, for bass guitar players.
  5. Various books on photography & travels by the National Geographic Society. These books helped to broaden my mind & enlarge my vision. Very hard to read these books without their amazing photographs embedding themselves inside my mind, for almost a lifetime.

 

  1. What do you read for pleasure?

 

Reading & browsing through books on travels, nature, animals, photography & music.

 

  1. What is your e-reading device of choice?

 

It has to be my iPad mini. I’ve up to 100 of my favorite books in my iPad & at my age, it’s also much easier to read the news from my iPad than from my cell phone.

 

  1. What inspires you to get out of bed each day?

 

I think of it more as an ingrown self-discipline than an inspiration. I used to get up at 5:30am in the morning while growing up in SE Asia. Now that I’m working from home, I still get up at between 5:45am to 6:15am in the morning, even on weekends.

 

  1. When you’re not working, how do you spend your time?

 

Spending time with the family to create memories, listening to music, playing the bass guitar, going for nature walks, nature photography & catching up with friends in church on weekends. Apart from a good movie & watching the news, I’d avoid watching any TV at all. And of course, I still take my wife to the movies, romantic dinners & shopping every now & then.

 

  1. Do you have some work and rest related non-negotiable rules?

 

I spend up to 12 hours a day working on my eBusiness & my consultancy business. I’ll take a catnap after lunch if I can spare the time. Other than that, no work is to be done after 10pm & weekends. Weekends are for the wife. I take over the things she would have to do otherwise on weekends.

 

  1. Do you remember the first assignment you ever did?

 

Well, as a fresh computer science graduate, one of my first assignments was in data entry at an infamous investment bank in New York City in the early 80’s. I say “infamous” because this bank was liquidated & shut down later. And some of the bosses went to prison. No prizes for guessing here.

 

  1. What is your working process?

 

I tend to spend a lot of time on planning. I want to know if the task before me can be done within the time & with the resources I have in hand. I want to know what am I supposed to deliver. If there are constraints, I like to know where or what are the compromises that I’ve to make. I want to know what is the objective or purpose behind the task. I want to know who are all the stake-holders involved. So my working process is a bit like creating a mind map or running an ERP system inside my head.

 

  1. What is your unique Work Style?

 

  1. Always under promise & over deliver.
  2. Always document everything.
  3. Remember a good income is important but a good outcome is much more important.

 

  1. What is your approach and how do you Plan the Finishing touches to the work?

 

From the very onset, I’d try to visualize & imagine what the final deliverables would be like. From there, I’ll try to work backwards in streamlining the processes in factoring in the finishing touches. In working with any clients, I’d query them on their expectations & on what kind of deliverables or end results would they expect to see. If your clients cannot verbalize their expectations, you’ll end up working with a moving goal post.

 

  1. Please describe your desk.

 

A very respectable & decent organized mess, seriously.

 

  1. Where did you grow up, and did this influence your business, If Yes – How?

 

No. I grew up in SE Asia in the 70’s. In those days, I doubt anyone knew what a computer was, unless they were working in a bank or a major organization. To be fair, neither eBusiness nor big data existed anywhere back then. It was a girlfriend of a good friend of mine who introduced me to the world of computer science. She was doing her first year in computer science at Monash University then.

 

  1. When did you first started what you do?

 

Shortly after I got married in the mid-80’s. I realized that there was little financial security in working for somebody else. Worse, if I was working for a family business, which I did a few times. The lack of financial security & an absence of a career path in these companies awakened a deep desire within me to start my own business & put my nose to the grindstone. In striking out on my own as an entrepreneur in the early days were fraught with disappointments. There were many challenges. At one point, I decided that it was best to get a full-time job & worked on my business in the evenings & weekends, until I was really ready. Since then, I’ve been on my own for the last 10 years. It was quite a journey. I learned a lot.

 

Thank you, Mr. Nelson Wong.

Random Phrases, My Day and Creativity


  1. Knuckle Down Meaning: Getting sincere about something; applying oneself seriously to a job.  Two impromptu Ice-breaker speeches – moving towards Goal 1. Did not win prize, got a participation certificate but the pleasure was in audience individuals – rank strangers coming back not just complimenting but quoting me ‘VERBATIM’ and saying, they loved it, they would like to keep in touch, some even said we would like to learn a few things from you. I was humbled. 
  2. Dropping Like Flies Meaning: To fall down ill or to die in large numbers. I wish it does not happen to humans, pests and insects, viruses and diseases is another matter. What I noticed today is the best Evaluators club of Toastmasters had difficulty in filling the hall with audience and participants for the Marathons the Area Directors are planning to hold across city.  One actually said about ATTRITION of members? That was sad.  It said a lot about the lack of leadership and the Pull and Push of the managing committees.  
  3. Man of Few Words Meaning: A person who does not speak a great deal; someone who talks with as few words as possible.  Met an interesting person. He was my speech evaluator. His speciality is being brief and as an extempore impromptu ice breaker speaker who was pushed to speak – I had failed by exceeding the time limit.  He said he will mail his evaluation ! That’s it.  🙂 
  4. Poke Fun At Meaning: Making fun of something or someone; ridicule.  Had this experience. At the end of a dominant communicator speech the speaker did actually did not want any questions. When asked – he asked me to repeat thrice and explain 4 time and I was about to say – “Let’s take this off line as I did not ask this to challenge you but to support your views, just clarifying a point”.  Some Speakers are on their High HOrse ! They feel, they are the only one who can challenge! Anyone asking a question is a lowly minion, dimwit and brainless.  My Professorial hat tells me to answer them – Questions are never stupid – answers are – like mine 🙂 🙂 .  
  5. Hear, Hear Meaning: A shout of agreement, or to draw attention to a speaker. I asked the speaker that when a friend is faced with problems – should I make an appreciative enquiry and find what solutions he has in his mind, as he knows the problems best. Second, is my friend looking for an Affirmation that the solution he has found has my tacit support so that he can try it out with heart? I was taken round and round in derogatory circles with a menacing look on the face by a socalled Guinness Award winner and World Speech champion and I felt very sad for him.  What did I do to hurt his Ego? 
  6. On the Same Page Meaning: Thinking alike or understanding something in a similar way with others.  Sometimes, in a gathering when you wish to say that you are in the same boat, same page, thinking alike – it is best to use non-verbal communication like nodding your head to convey Yes, I agree.  
  7. Swinging For the Fences Meaning: Giving something your all.  One more article coming up in a new club Newsletter which was launched today. Felt great.  Meeting new Chamber of commerce and meeting some very interesting and interested people ( atleast on the face of it) I felt great and felt genuinely that there are things I can do to assist and help.  The new Chairman was receptive and said wants to have a one on one Strategy/ vision statement session.  He said he is a Visual thinker like me, that was pleasing. 
  8. Up In Arms Meaning: Angry; being roused to the point that you are ready to fight.  But I gave up. I saw on Whatsapp the pictures of a poor girl being honored by a sport shoes company and giving them her name as she could not afford them. i felt sad for someone whose dream was ignited, latent wishes brought to fore in my mentoring but had given up on them with diffidence.  I was angry inside but let go. 
  9. Quick and Dirty Meaning: Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well. Hmmm… it was a busy day, I could have gone and got my Suits overhauled now that I have lost so much weight and bought a new pair of formal shoes as the formal meetings are moving up but I just changed jackets for two occasions – Reminder to self – GO FIX THIS ASAP. 
  10. Mountain Out of a Molehill Meaning: One who escalates small things and turns them into big problems.  I found a senior evaluator indulging in overstatements, exaggerations, over praise, excessive acting skills show and was bit turned off.  Then I met him one on one for about 7 minutes, got his life story out and realised that even at our late age – the need to RECOGNITION is so high that NAME AUR FAME KE LIYE KUCHH BHI KAREGA i.e. I’ll do any thing to get name and fame. I quietly agreed to disagreed and moved on to another person by saying “Sorry, Sir, I do not wish to monopolise you, others also need your kind attention”. Thank you.

Random Phrases, Creativity, My Day !


  1. Like Father Like Son Meaning: Resembling one’s parents in terms of appearance or behavior.  Yes. The receding hairline on my forehead and rear part of head do make me resemble like my father but he was dark brown, I am pale brown in skin – may be because my mom was fair skinned. 
  2. Back To the Drawing Board Meaning: Starting over again on a new design from a previously failed attempt. To work on the three goals Speaking, Writing, Learning is he only focus. No more mentoring. No more Freebies or free advice to anyone.  
  3. Playing For Keeps Meaning: Said when things are about to get serious.  The feedback slips which many of Toastmasters handed me after my icebreaker speech really make me believe that “It all starts with a speech”.  I am enjoying my Udemy speech and body language lessons and practicing to make videos to self correct as far as possible. 
  4. A Piece of Cake Meaning: A task that is simple to accomplish.  I thought making and watching my own video of speech would be easy – It is scary. I find my voice and face manners unacceptable to myself.  
  5. Give a Man a Fish Meaning: It’s better to teach a person how to do something than to do that something for them.  I facilitate many mentees with Equipments as gifts for improving their skills, helping them practice and books to further augment their sharpening of skills.  I truly believe in this phrase. 
  6. Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed Meaning: Someone who isn’t witty or sharp, but rather, they are ignorant, unintelligent, or senseless. I sometimes behave this way. My friend read my article and said Mirthful – I had to look up Google and then I realised it is pronounced MOUTHFUL and is associated with fun and my friend was actually pr  aising me. What a dimwit I am but I learnt new word. 
  7. Fight Fire With Fire Meaning: To retaliate with an attack that is similar to the attack used against you. I am a challenger, and I am not under any attack so I think this is a good phrase but not relevant to me and hope it never comes true. 
  8. Love Birds Meaning: A pair of people who have a shared love for each other.  The number of poems I read on WordPress gives me a sincerely a heart break feeling that we have more lovelorn love lost poets here than love birtds. Would be interesting to know if love birds share poetry with social media?
  9. Drawing a Blank Meaning: Failing to recall a memory. Unable to remember something. That’s usually happening with me especially with names, things. Forgetting to wear a watch, taking keys while going out – small things. Some medication is helping or perhaps not. 
  10. Fish Out Of Water Meaning: Someone being in a situation that they are unfamiliar or unsuited for. That is the sinking feeling I used to get dealing with TAble topics at Toastmasters. Slowiy my fish is finding water and depth 🙂 . 

Wise Coach – Naive Coach


I was reading this commercial from Tony Robbins’ Newsletter ”

When someone asks you for help, how do you respond?

The naive coach tends to “over-commit.”

They feel this heartfelt pressure to help the person, so the say, “Yes! Let me share my solutions with you. I’m committed to your change. Let’s make it happen!”

Why is this naive? Because if you rush in too much as a coach, you might scare the client away!

Or worse yet, you are seen as a “nagging” friend giving them unwanted advice. Ever experience that?

The wise coach knows better. They say, “Great. I’d love to help you.”

Then the wise coach thinks to themselves, “Let’s figure out what kind of client this is.”

You see, there are four different client types. The four types have different goals. They work at different speeds.

And they have completely different expectations for their coach.

When the naive coach “rushes in” to help, they miss out on the client’s type.

They miss what’s really going on.

The wise coach first understands the client’s type, and proceeds accordingly.

Which coach do you think is more effective?

If you ever find yourself giving advice to someone who doesn’t seem to benefit… I have something for you.

Today we will be sharing one of our top strategies for bringing faster, more profound change to coaching clients.

It will also work on anyone in your life who needs your help.”

I come into the later category of coaches – the Naive Coach! I tend to commit fast, stay committed for long and rarely have I failed.

I believe that Flirting Mentor is an Oxymoron just as a term like Naive Coach is, IMHO.   A TRUE coach or mentor is neither naive nor a Flirt ! Serious coaches are Committed people and whether they commit early or later is a matter of their mind’s processes and early or late decision making capabilities/ habits – nothing else!

 

Thursday Mentor – Free Verse by Jay Parkhe


Greed 2.0

Free verse by jay

Because I could not lead with Greed,
it did kindly lead for me.
Greed, Greed, every where,
Yet not a Rupee to lead.

I cannot help but stop and look at the Alchoholic’s selfishness.
Does the selfishness make you shiver?
does it?

Pay attention to the stupid,
stupidity is the most brilliant fault of all.
Stupidity is glorious. stupidity are bright,
stupids are smart as a whip, however.

Pay attention to the egotists,
egotists are the most zany vanity of all.
Do egotists make you shiver?
do they?

Random Phrases today with Creativity boosters for the day.


Great Sunday.  5th meeting of Toastmasters in 3rd Club of Bangalore. Young, vibrant crowd mixed with some bearded oldies and middle aged Techies.

  1. Love Birds Meaning: A pair of people who have a shared love for each other. No. did not happen. Day of course, began different. 
  2. Jaws of Death Meaning: Being in a dangerous or very deadly situation.  No. Not really. Saw a Premier movie for a while but did not experience it 🙂 
  3. Two Down, One to Go Meaning: Two things have been completed, but there is one more that has yet to be finished. Yes. Today’s short walk left the Udemy course study unfinished for the day .
  4. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts Meaning: Finishing a task without making any excuses. Experienced this later in the day with two Excuse Masters cleverly negotiating with each other. 
  5. Right Off the Bat Meaning: Immediately, done in a hurry; without delay. Yes. without any inhibition responded emails and gave guidance to even a mail marked FYI 🙂 🙂 . Lessons repeated in Communications. 
  6. Break The Ice Meaning: Breaking down a social stiffness.  Great speeches by two youngsters and one International Humorist champs at Toastmasters. The breaking the ice speech was literally great. 
  7. A Chip on Your Shoulder Meaning: Being angry about something that happened in the past. Yes. I still carry one anger chip on my shoulder. 
  8. Shot In the Dark Meaning: An attempt that has little chance for success.  no like hope taking shot in the dark is not part of my strategy. 
  9. Let Her Rip Meaning: Permission to start, or it could mean ‘go faster!’  If the brainfog is gone and wiser sense prevails – you don’t need any permission. 
  10. Wake Up Call Meaning: An occurance of sorts that brings a problem to somebody’s attention and they realize it needs fixing.  Hmmm… will wait and watch though. 
  11. Keep Your Shirt On Meaning: Keeping calm. Usually said by someone who is trying to avoid making others upset.  Yes. even while in an angry tone, try not to rant. 🙂

Mentor Master Class- Free Tutorial Series 1-10 for Mentors from Jay Parkhe #3


In today’s competitive world, recruiters no longer hold on to traditional methods of recruiting through traditional one-to-one interviews. Thanks to the added competition, which has resulted in a shortage of talent, companies are fast resorting to technology, and platforms like Skype, GoToMeetings are fast replacing the old model of interviewing.

Companies are increasingly adopting employee-centric approaches to working by providing flexi-times, work-from-home initiatives, in addition to many other perks and benefits. Organizations are also getting the option to employ people they want, as compared to the ones who were available to them.

When an organization is located over multiple areas, the big challenge is to connect all the employees located in different offices spread all across the world, to the organization’s vision, identity, and rules – the big picture. That’s where coaching comes in. It is the best way to develop junior talent and provide the skills and expertise to make them experts. Having said that, mentoring provides ample space for a person to retain his individuality and his personal sensibilities.

Note that the goal of mentoring isn’t to create clones. Instead, it is to help people achieve their highest potentialwhile being in sync with the organization’s vision and objectives.

Coaching is not an innate ability; you are not born with the art of coaching. The other misunderstanding that’s often associated with coaching is that it’s related only to sports. Coaching is about pumping people’s spirits, and motivating them. Lack of motivation doesn’t come only in sports. There are times when employees too feel a need for motivation to deliver good results. Coaching helps these employees in holding their own in their team and being a productive group.

Coaching is the method of making people realize the heights they can achieve if only they kept persevering and putting proper effort. Mainly, coaching calls for a change of thinking and approach to a task. It’s about getting the person think positively about his chances of achieving his goal. It includes employee orientation towards the workplace politics, and to assist in removing the barriers to work performance.

Optimal and Optimum

There is a difference between the usages of words optimum and optimal. If a company specifies that they are interested in obtaining optimum results, they mean they want the best output from their employees. On the other hand, if they say they are looking for optimal results, that would mean that they are interested in obtaining the best work out of you in the given circumstances, or working conditions.

There are occasions when the line between optimum and optimal are blurred in coaching. Situations like these arise when an organization starts working on a new project and they need to ram up the office fast with people who are experienced in working on similar projects.

In situations like these, the job of a coach is not only to provide high levels of motivation to employees to excel in their performance, but also to ensure that the employees perform at their peak even if the requisite resources are not always available. It’s about lifting their spirit and keeping it high throughout tough times.

Mentor Master Class- Free Tutorial Series 1-10 for Mentors from Jay Parkhe #4. how coaching helps


Abstract: Let us take an example to understand how coaching benefits employees .M was recently promoted to the post of a Team Manager , something he does not have a lot of experience on . At their first meeting , S asked a couple of questions to M to know more about him , just to get acquainted .  In the subsequent meetings , Stanley and Morgan discussed what ‘s strengths and weaknesses were , and what the improvements in skill-sets were that Morgan had to bring back to his job . Over the next few months ,M and S regularly update their progress . They also discuss game play , tactics ,  and team building .

Let us take an example to understand how coaching benefits employees. M was recently promoted to the post of a Team Manager, something he doesn’t have a lot of experience on. He has been given the task to manage one of the teams in the company, so he sought help from a company coach to help him in understanding the requirements for the job, and to cultivate the right approach for the job. M enrolled for a two day per week course, and was assigned a coach named Stanley, who would be coaching him for the next few months.

S started by asking M to carry a workbook with him, in which M will keep a record of the discussions and guiding points that Stanley will provide to him during the learning. At their first meeting, S asked a couple of questions to M to know more about him, just to get acquainted. Then they discussed how they are going to work together, and with other people, in realizing the goals that have been set.

In the subsequent meetings, S and M discussed what M’s strengths and weaknesses were, and what the improvements in skill-sets were that M had to bring in him to excel at his job. Over the next few months, M and S met regularly to understand and analyze their progress.

They also spent time on discussing game play, tactics, and team building. Stanley constantly referred to his old coaching logs and M’s own workbook as evidences of improvement and encouraged Morgan to keep pushing his boundaries. Mock grills and role-plays were organized to check M’s improvement in team-managing under diverse and difficult scenarios.

At the end of the coaching, M commented on how useful he found the coaching process and how it made him realize the potential inside him that he had no idea he possessed. He is now a successful team-manager and a part-time coach himself to the new employees who join the company.

 

Creativity and looking back at the Random Phrases generated this morning.


  1. Fight Fire With Fire Meaning: To retaliate with an attack that is similar to the attack used against you.  Used judicially, without impulse and impatience – it is one of the best Tactical play – not a strategic one. 
  2. Drawing a Blank Meaning: Failing to recall a memory. Unable to remember something.  True. I have erased my mailbox and social media of one set of memories and I can truly use the expression ‘Tabula Rasa’ – Empty slate today. Even my memory enhancing tablets may not be able to help now. 
  3. Mountain Out of a Molehill Meaning: One who escalates small things and turns them into big problems. Hmmm… but frankly, barring cleaning of my Mac I did not face such issues. 
  4. Roll With the Punches Meaning: To tolerate or endure through the unexpected mishappenings you may encounter from time to time.  Yes. a phase is over. Hopefully. 
  5. Curiosity Killed The Cat Meaning: Typically said to indicate that any further investigation into a situation may lead to harm.  Who can agree more? Me the HyperCurious, HyperCritique, HyperScaler, HyperMentor?  I have faced this and overcome this. 
  6. Top Drawer Meaning: High quality, exceptional; something that’s very valuable.  What is more important in life than LOVE?  Nay, not money. 
  7. Playing Possum Meaning: Pretending to be dead, or to be deceitful about something. No. Not my nature but people promising to do and not doing – I have seen plenty. Lack of integrity.  Even simple courtesies to let people know they can not meet or call due to….  etc. etc. 
  8. Happy as a Clam Meaning: The state of being happy; feeling delighted.  Got three more certifications from Udemy today. 
  9. It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be Meaning: Failing to meet expectations; not being as good as people say.  It takes minimum two to Tango – No?  Just asking?
  10. Quick On the Draw Meaning: Performing an action with the greatest of haste.  When procrastination takes over, self medication, self harm and self-sabotage starts. Drugs, Alchohol and other addictions begin to take over the brain and one flips into an endless abyss.  It is sad but true. 

Mentor Master Class- Free Tutorial Series 1-10 for Mentors from Jay Parkhe #1


Mentoring is the act of identifying and nurturing potential areas of improvement in an individual. This could be a short-term action plan targeted towards a specific goal in mind, like career growth, higher learning, or could be a life-long process of improvement. The goals and processes are always set here by the learner. The job of the mentor here is to just facilitate, guide, and provide feedback after long stages of intensive observation. Coaching relates primarily to performance improvement, and is more often a short-term achievement in a specific skills area. The goals, process and suggestion are that of the coach. While the learner has primary ownership of the goal, the coach has primary ownership of the process. Feedback is often shared instantaneously.

Audience

This tutorial is for designed primarily for those working professionals who are assigned the responsibility to either coach or mentor the new employees or junior talents in their companies to improve their skill-sets, or help them grow in their careers. This tutorial aims at teaching trainers the difference between coaching and mentoring, and how the approaches change as per the requirement of the learner.

Prerequisites

Before proceeding with this tutorial, you are expected to have a detailed knowledge on the working process of your company, and the job responsibilities that you will handle, and the expectation your management has of you, in terms of productivity and performance.

Wednesday Column – Jay Parkhe – What is your Slogan?


In my Mentor Column on Wednesdays Jay Mentor discusses with readers the Slogans. Do you have a Slogan?  Have a look at the ones I chose for you below. Any of them make sense to you? Relevant to you? Appealing to you.

Do you think, you can expand, modify, change a wee bit and make these slogans look and work Great for you.  Slogans are not merely for shouting from the hooters or rooftops  – people like leaders who walk the talk.

Do you have it in you?  Please go ahead and create and share your creation in the comments. I shall respond ASAP.

  1. Changing tomorrow.
  2. Creative solutions.
  3. The show goes on.
  4. Hand in hand.
  5. Sheer pleasure.
  6. Better standards.
  7. Experience is key.
  8. The time is now.
  9. Mark of excellence.
  10. Success.

Tuesday Column – Jay Parkhe – Character Goals


Chosen randomly Jay Mentor presents you with some choices

you may take as your character goals

  1. Better yourselves.
  2. Make a sacrifice for the greater good.
  3. Forgive somebody.
  4. Break an addiction.
  5. Find out your true identity.
  6. Gain the approval of somebody.
  7. Find peace within.

Each mentee/mentoree I meet has a different and unique need that helps them define their goals.

I shall share these regularly. Take your pick.

If you require Mentor support – write to me or call me.

Creativity: Random Inputs generated this morning for today


Quick and Dirty

Meaning:

Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well.  The quick trip this year did not expect any result even after a month and I was little depressed.  But the Brainwave and Udemy courses I am doing are really balancing.

There’s No I in Team

Meaning:

To not work alone, but rather, together with others in order to achieve a certain goal.  The recent attempts to work as a team member without putting skin in the game has not worked.  Partner trouble of the past always comes back however much I try to let it go.

Burst Your Bubble

Meaning:

To ruin someone’s happy moment.  No I did not and will not do that.

Break The Ice

Meaning:

Breaking down a social stiffness. Hmmm… I think I shall shrink all other social activities and whatever is going on and just focus on 2 or 3 major big ticket items only.  I need finishiative myself.

Right Off the Bat

Meaning:

Immediately, done in a hurry; without delay. But it did not yield any results. May be the introduction was not done well or my offerings were wrong or may be I was not seen as the choice or I failed to sell my services well.

I Smell a Rat

Meaning:

A feeling that something is not quite right, or awry.  That sinking feeling ! Ahh !  but I am learning lessons on Self hypnosis and they are good. They work.

It’s Not Brain Surgery

Meaning:

A task that’s easy to accomplish, a thing lacking complexity.  No. I do not have any simple task in my task list. I must just junk it and fill it up with small simple tasks and steps I can do and applaud myself , pat my own back.

 

Adieu – Free Verse by Jay – Dhananjay Parkhe


In a Mentor’s life, Mentees come for:
1. A Reason
2. A Season,
3. Or for life and accept him/ her as Life Coach.
After a longish Five and half month I bid adieu to a worthy mentoree finally today.

Adieu
Free verse by Jay
(On Cloud Nine:Meaning: Having strong feelings of happiness or satisfaction. )
Congratulations, however hard you try,
I Will always Praise.
Do congratulations make you shiver?
do they?

The communion that’s really anathema,
Above all others are the serenades.
Do serenades make you shiver?
do they?

All that is little is not hello,
hello, by all account is big.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the hello,
Gently it goes – the liberal, the high, mighty fellow.

Adieu is faces of death music.
faces of death music is Adieu.
“a strolling guitarist serenades the diners”.
“a strolling guitarist serenades the diners”,
“a strolling guitarist serenades the diners”.
Adieu

Creativity: Random Phrase generator for the day and how I foresee the day to progress…


  1. Birds of a Feather Flock Together Meaning: People tend to associate with others who share similar interests or values. Have to find more and more likeminded people going forward that people poles apart.

  • Rain on Your Parade Meaning: To spoil someone’s fun or plans; ruining a pleasurable moment. No. Not happening. Won’t do that.

  • Hit Below The Belt Meaning: A boxing term. Also often used to refer to inappropriate words, or comments that are too personal. NEVER.

  • Poke Fun At Meaning: Making fun of something or someone; ridicule. Not happening, I am in a learning mode. Learnt a bit of self=hypnosis on Udemy and will try and find internal peace. have a Heavy head though 🙂

  • Quality Time Meaning: Spending time with another to strengthen the relationship. Yes meeitng coming up. started a new startup too.

  • Fool’s Gold Meaning: Iron pyrities is a worthless mineral that resembles gold. May write another poem today on this topic.

  • Tug of War Meaning: It can refer to the popular rope pulling game or it can mean a struggle for authority. Have no tug of war situation except one tough pricing negotiation coming up tomorrow..

  • Curiosity Killed The Cat Meaning: Typically said to indicate that any further investigation into a situation may lead to harm. I think enroling in 58 couses on Udemy is ENOUGH !

  • Throw In the Towel Meaning: Giving up; to surrender. No. Never. Not happening.

  • Eat My HatMeaning: Having confidence in a specific outcome; being almost sure about something. Yess. Will begin teaching SCM Logistics course again and take up paid coaching/ mentoring assignments for Branding/ Hyperscaling of startups.

Creativity: Random Phrases generated for the day, predict the day ahead.


  1. Wake Up Call Meaning: An occurance of sorts that brings a problem to somebody’s attention and they realize it needs fixing.  Just wondering, how many wake up calls one needs? One per day?  For those day dreaming? Multiple times a day:) 
  2. Like Father Like Son Meaning: Resembling one’s parents in terms of appearance or behavior. Hmmm…. Appearance is OK. Behavior – may be not! 🙂
  3. In the Red Meaning: Losing money. Being in debt.  But the people in Red so get habituated of high living and dependence on others money – they seldom come down from their high horses. 
  4. A Chip on Your Shoulder Meaning: Being angry about something that happened in the past. Yes. It happens to me all the time. Difficult to let go of the past. 
  5. Mouth-watering Meaning: Delicious; something that looks or tastes appetizing.
  6. Foaming At The Mouth Meaning: To be enraged and show it.  Ha Ha ha – I do it without foaming at the mouth – I type! 
  7. Cry Wolf Meaning: Someone that calls for help when it is not needed. Someone who is lying.  Hmmm… many recent cases of false alarms responded – leading to waste of time and going into a spin unnecessarily. 
  8. Easy As Pie Meaning: Something that is easy.  Nothing is? Is there anything easy at all?
  9. Tough It Out Meaning: To remain resillient even in hard times; enduring. Tough minded optimision, grit, determination and a firm commitment – yes, that’s what it is for me. 

These are the 10 habits of unlikeable people | Ladders. I CONFESS. I have them too.


via These are the 10 habits of unlikeable people | Ladders

No one is perfect. But that’s a very lame excuse! No? I read this article and said. Oh, Gosh! I have the same habits which surface at wrong times.  Interesting article for deeper personal introspection and improvement.  LIked and shared.

 

https://widgets.getpocket.com/v1/button?label=pocket&count=horizontal&align=left&v=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theladders.com%2Fcareer-advice%2F10-habits-of-unlikeable-people&title=These%20are%20the%2010%20habits%20of%20unlikeable%20people%20%7C%20Ladders&src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theladders.com%2Fcareer-advice%2F10-habits-of-unlikeable-people%3Futm_swu%3D6280%26utm_medium%3Demail%26utm_source%3Dmember%26utm_campaign%3Ddaily-newsletter%26utm_content%3D8wayABTest7%2F26%26utm_term%3DDNLAB-07-26-18&r=0.28050605825349884

THE WHOLE HUMAN

10 habits of unlikeable people

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few — the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 descriptions of people based on their perceived significance to likeability. The top-rated descriptors had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top descriptors were sincerity, transparency, and capable of understanding (another person).

These adjectives, and others like them, describe people who are skilled in the social side of emotional intelligence. TalentSmartresearch data from more than a million people shows that people who possess these skills aren’t just highly likeable; they outperform those who don’t by a large margin.


Ladders is now on SmartNews!

Download the SmartNews app and add the Ladders channel to read the latest career news and advice wherever you go.


Likeability is so critical to your success at work that it can completely alter your performance. A University of Massachusetts study found that managers were willing to accept an auditor’s argument with no supporting evidence if he or she was likeable, and Jack Zenger found that just 1 in 2,000 unlikeable leaders were considered effective by their colleagues.

Being likeable is as much about avoiding behaviors that decrease your likeability as it is about magnifying those that increase it. To help you with this, I did some digging to uncover the key behaviors that hold people back when it comes to likeability. Make certain these behaviors don’t catch you by surprise.

Name-dropping

It’s great to know important and interesting people, but using every conversation as an opportunity to name-drop is pretentious and silly. Just like humble-bragging, people see right through it. Instead of making you look interesting, it makes people feel as though you’re insecure and overly concerned with having them like you. It also cheapens what you have to offer. When you connect everything you know with whoyou know (instead of what you know or what you think), conversations lose their color.

People are averse to those who are desperate for attention. Simply being friendly and considerate is all you need to win people over. When you speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, people are much more attentive and persuadable than if you try to show them that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than who you know.

Emotional hijackings

My company provides 360° feedback assessments, and we come across far too many instances of people throwing things, screaming, making people cry, and other telltale signs of an emotional hijacking. An emotional hijacking demonstrates low emotional intelligence. As soon as you show that level of instability, people will question whether or not you’re trustworthy and capable of keeping it together when it counts.

Exploding at anyone, regardless of how much they might “deserve it,” turns a huge amount of negative attention your way. You’ll be labeled as unstable, unapproachable, and intimidating. Controlling your emotions keeps you in the driver’s seat. When you’re able to control your emotions around someone who wrongs you, they end up looking bad instead of you.

Humble-bragging

We all know those people who like to brag about themselves behind the mask of self-deprecation. For example, the gal who makes fun of herself for being a nerd when she really wants to draw attention to the fact that she’s smart or the guy who makes fun of himself for having a strict diet when he really wants you to know how healthy and fit he is. While many people think that self-deprecation masks their bragging, everyone sees right through it. This makes the bragging all the more frustrating, because it isn’t just bragging; it’s also an attempt to deceive.

Whipping out your phone

Nothing turns someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation. You’ll find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.

Having a closed mind

If you want to be likeable, you must be open-minded, which makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is unwilling to listen. Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace, where approachability means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require that you believe what they believe or condone their behavior; it simply means that you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick.

Not asking enough questions

The biggest mistake people make in conversation is being so focused on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost. A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that not only are you listening but that you also care about what they’re saying. You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking questions.

Being too serious

People gravitate toward those who are passionate. That said, it’s easy for passionate people to come across as too serious or uninterested, because they tend to get absorbed in their work. Likeable people balance their passion for their work with their ability to have fun. At work they are serious, yet friendly. They still get things done because they are socially effective in short amounts of time and they capitalize on valuable social moments. They focus on having meaningful interactions with their coworkers, remembering what people said to them yesterday or last week, which shows people that they are just as important to them as their work is.

Gossiping

People make themselves look terrible when they get carried away with gossiping. Wallowing in talk of other people’s misdeeds or misfortunes may end up hurting their feelings if the gossip ever finds its way to them, but gossiping is guaranteed to make you look negative and spiteful every time.

Sharing too much, too early

While getting to know people requires a healthy amount of sharing, sharing too much about yourself right off the bat comes across wrong. Be careful to avoid sharing personal problems and confessions too quickly. Likeable people let the other person guide them as to when it’s the right time for them to open up. Over-sharing comes across as self-obsessed and insensitive to the balance of the conversation. Think of it this way: if you’re getting into the nitty gritty of your life without learning about the other person first, you’re sending the message that you see them as nothing more than a sounding board for your problems.

Sharing too much on social media

Studies have shown that people who over-share on social media do so because they crave acceptance, but the Pew Research Center has revealed that this over-sharing works against them by making people dislike them. Sharing on social media can be an important mode of expression, but it needs to be done thoughtfully and with some self-control. Letting everyone know what you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner along with how many times you walked your dog today will do much more harm than good when it comes to likeability.

Bringing it all together

When you build your awareness of how your actions are received by other people, you pave the way to becoming more likeable.