Meet my Mentor – Mr. Askander Mirza. ExtraOrdinary Speaker.


Meet my Mentor at and President of the Garden City Toastmasters International
Mr. Askander Mirza.

IMG_20170220_172859
Corporate Trainer, NLP practitioner, Leadership coach, Distinguished Toastmaster, Public Speaker,
Life Coach
Mr. Mirza came to our Toast masters club to deliver an Educational Speech. Impressed, I went to meet him next
week He readily agreed to Mentor me as I explained that as a Speaker I wanted to learn and practice on Voice
and Body Language. Next week, he pushed me to give an ‘Ice Breaker’ speech impromptu! The week after, he
asked my speech write up and returned as it was not as per his guidelines. Again, I went to club – without
rehearsing and he pushed me to the Stage and gave a Thumbs up – Meaning – Rock the Stage! And, I did. He
gave few tips and then some more and sent a WhatsApp about my energy levels and Voice lowering as also Time
management in Speeches. He is humble, Hyper-Active – “Walk the Talk and Talk the Talk” and the Soul, Spirit,
Body, Mind of the Club. He is simple, humble and has a habit of Formal Attire, which he has inherited from his
beloved father – as he once told us, when the HyperCurios of the club asked him this question.
He has a Competitive spirit which I still at Peak. He participates in the Contests as also mentors, coaches new,
upcoming speakers including Aged speakers like me who are keen” Erudite” learners like him.
This is the First and the oldest Toastmasters club of Bangalore and he grapples with multiple issues without even
a frown on his smiling face and that is his speciality. As an Evaluator – he is inspiring yet Direct and clear in his
Feedback to speakers. He knows and shares that his club has highest number of Distinguished ‘toastmasters and
the Best in Class Speech Evaluators in the Bangalore town.
When I told him about my Blog and whether he would like to be interviewed – He readily agreed.
Here are some of the answers:

  1. What motivated you to become what you ARE today?
    The Quest for knowledge. In my job and my business I’d rarely come across people of knowledge or Erudite . That left me ever thirsty to associate myself with knowledgeable people, to be in Company of educated people and the search ended when I found Toastmasters.

 
2. What is the greatest joy you get from what you do?
The Joy of sharing. When you share the knowledge you have, when you help
someone in whatever manner , when you impart knowledge to someone else, the
joy , the satisfaction you get is better experienced.
3. What do your fans mean to you?
They mean everything to me. I gives immense pleasure to know that there are
people out there who recognise you, who value you, who place you in high
esteem. In this materialistic world it is definitely appreciable that there are people
who really appreciate your knowledge and experience, who value you for your
asset of knowledge rather than the assets of real estate or money.
4. What are you working on next?
I am working on to write a book on how to tackle day to day problems, to prevent
tension from building up, how to stop bad experiences and failures play on your
mind, to live in present and to plan for future.
5. Who are your favourite authors?
Dale Carnegie, Charles Dickens, Leo Tolstoy, Agatha Christie, Jane Austin, Chetan
Bhagat, Gabriel Garcia, Jibran, Bernad Shaw, Vikram Seth, R K Narayan, Ruskin
Bond, Prem Chand, Shaikh Saadi, Razia Bhat, James Hadley Chase & many more.
6. What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
The morning prayer and pre-morning prayers. I wake up at 4 am most of the days,
sometimes 5 am.
7. When you're not working, how do you spend your time?
Reading books. Watching TV and corresponding on email, face book etc.
8. Do you have some work and rest related non-negotiable rules?

When I am working I don’t like anyone or anything to disturb me. I am fully
dedicated and nothing can deviate me from my work.
I hit the bed before 10 pm and don’t pick up calls after that.
9. How do you discover the authors you read?
I opt for some popular authors. When it comes to new authors I prefer reading the
review of their books before reading the book itself. And sometimes by word of
mouth.
10. Do you remember the first assignment you ever did?
I would like to tell about my first speech rather than my professional experience as
an Engineer. My First Speech called the “ Ice Breaker” in Toastmasters parlance
was delivered in mid 2007 for which I got the Best Speaker Award at my Club.
Before that my Mentor made me deliver the speech in front of him many times, and
after lot of trial and error , corrections and improvements he gave me the signal to
deliver my first speech. Post that there is no looking back.
11. What is your working process?
While working I am opposite of procrastination. I do today what I have to do
tomorrow. I always meet my targets before time. I realise my team finds it difficult
to keep pace with me. In such situations I try to be little flexible.
12. What is your unique Work Style?
No short cuts. I sincerely do what I have to do and hope for the best results.
13. Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?
Cannot be specific about the first. In our times the stories were heard from elders
rather than read. My father told a story about a scorpion and a tortoise whose
lesson was to not to trust again the person who has harmed you.
14. What is your approach and how do you Plan the Finishing touches to the work?
I divide my work in parts. Tackle one at a time. Integrate the work. Review. If
necessary reorganise it. The finishing touches are by using suitable words,
phrases and idioms wherever possible.
15. What are your five favourite books, and why?
How to win friends and Influence people, Sapiens, Three Thousand Stitches,
Yadoon ki Baraat, Nostradamus, Vulture is a patient bird, Discovery of India, My
Journey, Positive Attitude and many more.
16. What do you read for pleasure?
Short stories .
17. What is your e-reading device of choice?
Laptop
18. Please describe your desk.
A ‘S’ type chair, a small table arranged in a way that the light falls on the book
from my back. A note pad, some pens.
19. Where did you grow up, and did this influence your business, If Yes – How?
I grew up in the city of Mysore. Most of the time my father would take me along. He
was an erudite. He would have long discussions with his friends on topics like
history, religion, literature , psychology etc. That way I had lot of knowledge at a
very young age. Heard names like Frued, Shakespeare, Milton, Chalukya, Jesus,
Ben Hur, Ashoka, Buddha , Bose, Churchill, Hitler, Bernard Shaw etc at an age
when children would hardly know the names of their teachers.
I started my business in Mysore but was not so successful as Mysore is not a
good place for business.
20. When did you first started what you do?
I started my business in Mysore. Was not so successful. Went to Middle East and
started my fabrication and machineries business there. Initially it was tough. Later
on I became highly successful thanks to my technical knowledge , completing
projects before time and giving high quality at the same time. My habit of doing
tomorrow’s work today really worked and also perfect planning.

The Four X Factors of Exceptional Leaders


via The Four X Factors of Exceptional Leaders

Daily creativity boost with Daily Random Sentences


  1. What was the person thinking when they discovered cow’s milk was fine for human consumption… and why did they do it in the first place!?
  2. Where do random thoughts come from?
  3. I am never at home on Sundays.
  4. The shooter says goodbye to his love.
  5. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

The Ultimate Dream


Where do we want to b?.

What is our desired place we see?

What is the Ultimate Place we wish to be?

A Dreamer knows Inside OUT and Outside IN!

We do tend to forget the dream and live life

Going with the flow,

mostly aimlessly.

Dreams give us Purpose, Goals, Ambitions, and Aims – albeit sub-consciously.

Mentors are awakener and constantly hammer, chisel, sculpt the mouldable Mentees/  into their Actionable Plans, often as Accountability Partners with joint responsibility.

Isn’t it your idea too that you can have a thriving business built on helping people and improving the world the ultimate dream?

It’s possible.

In case you didn’t know – the Personal Development/ Life Coaching/ Mentoring Industry is not just about feeling good.

According to Wikipedia and Psychology Today, this is a more than $11 Billion dollar industry – and growing.

It is Growing at a rapid pace and will continue to always help more lives with their positive impact – the question we should be asking ourself isn’t, ‘Can I be successful at this?’ …

it’s ‘How big of a mark do I want to make?’, and

‘What am I willing to do to make it happen?”

There is no limit to the amount of income or the satisfaction you can gain from teaching people how to unleash their unlimited potential and awaken their latent dreams.

I’ve been studying why people do what they do for nearly half a century.  .

Mean machine or Meaning making Machine – who am I ?


Dealing with perceptions

in my mind’s eyes

hoping against hope

my presuppositions

my cognitive bias

my hyper criticism brutally

and honestly delivered

Reacted fiercely

Mean machine or Meaning making Machine – who am I ?

Interpreted differently

Forgetting all the time

There could be another way

May be it means something else

Meanings, judgements passed

Mean machine or Meaning making Machine – who am I ?

Forgetting our Being Human!

The tendencies to err

To become ruthless

Behave unnaturally with vengeance

Mean machine or Meaning making Machine – who am I ?

In the meaningless repetitive

Arguments to prove us Right

Leaving sanity, wisdom

Ignoring subtle visible facts

Getting self centred

Mean machine or Meaning making Machine – who am I ?

To prove I’m always right

No remorse, no feelings and

Emotions towards others

No empathy no sympathy

Mean machine or Meaning making Machine – who am I ?

Being mean before we know it

Mean machines we become

And wonder

Mean machine or

Meaning making Machine –

who am I ?

Is that me?

Who have I become

A Moron, a sadist

A masochist

Or just Mean machine or Meaning making Machine – who am I ?

(Writing poetry after many years! It needs a deep provocation, a shining up a mentors huge stick! And it just flowed)

4C – Mentoring Technique & Diamonds in the Sky and Darkening of light


As a mentor I sometimes use 4C technique of mentoring. It’s origins are in the 4 C qualities of the purest diamonds. which are known as Color Clarity, cut and Carat Weight and as Mentor I made some notes to self below:

  • Respect your belief that we are all One Man Company first.
  • We are all in our own right, Small budding brands.
  • We have a place in the Sun.
  • We have a place in the skies!
  • Which part of sky belongs to me?
  • Which set of Starry diamonds my brand resembles?
  • Am I going to be the brightest and shiniest one?
  • Or a small simple Solitaire – invaluable Brand?
  • Sometimes though we see a DARKENING OF THE LIGHT around us even in the Bright Sun!
  • This masks all our shine, brightness and all the Dimond like qualities in us.
  • We all have our stars and we are all Celebrities in our own minds and hearts and the Glow and the halo spreading from our idols/ icons sometimes overshadows our own 4 C’s.
  • The more we allow this to happen to us we become Ex-celebrities in our own mind.  Sometimes, Gods and circumstances are against us.
  • We lose our celebrity status, the paradigms shift, the clocks are reset, the Computers and our life is pushed by a Reset button and to Comeback is the toughest challenge we face.
  • I designed my 4 C – Comeback Celebrity’s Crazy Coach program for some of such great souls who were in the sky, searching for their space in the darkening of the light.
  • There is a saying that when light goes down, it may be wise to become invisible.
  • The image is of fresh darkness, the period is just after sunset or a fire has gone out.
  • There is still much activity left over from the light of day, and movements in the outer world are at their most dangerous. 
  • Even the smallest sound, the faintest glow of light, can attract unwanted attention.
  • It is said that when the darkness of stupidity reigns in our human affairs, it is best that we keep your brilliance “hidden under a bushel basket!”
  • Let your thoughts and efforts therefore be quiet, self-contained, and protected, as much as possible, from harmful influences, negative people, unwanted interruptions of Technology which forces us to Read and Write SMS, WhatsApp, eMails etc. and forces us not to listen and makes us speechless – or DUMB !
  • Don’t let yourself be swept along on the current of conventional wisdom when dangerous uncertainties exist.
  • Try not to become too depressed or anxious; such periods will also pass.
  • Just endure it for now and inwardly preserve your self-confidence, while outwardly remaining cooperative and flexible.
  • The time to assert yourself will come.
  • Avoid looking too far ahead if you have not yet achieved your goals – that will only bring regret and longing, which can eat away at your inner strength.
  • So, be cautious and reserved.
  • Control yourself.
  • Do not needlessly stimulate forces of opposition.
  • During dark, unsettled periods, it is best to step gingerly around sleeping dogs.

The climax of the dark ties has arrived, and the darkness has begun to consume even itself. When negative energy is finally spent, people of intelligence and good spirit naturally re-emerge, and gain positions of rightful prominence.

So How does the future look like?

Just Visualize -GRACE AND BEAUTY

Diamonds in the Sky are so Graceful. Diamonds in the Real Life are so precious and Beautiful.

  • Imagine that there is a splashy sunset that bathes the mountains in a soft radiance; the light of a full moon dances on the surface of a rippling river.
  • Grace and beauty adorn the natural world.
  • Grace is neither an all-powerful force, nor is it the essential or fundamental thing.
  • By itself, it is form without content.
  • Grace is moonlight on water, not the sunlight at noon.
  • Yet grace brings artistic expression into the world, and enhances the quality of our lives.
  • Grace brings success in small matters.
  • In the arts, grace arises out of adherence to form: the dancer becoming the choreography of the dance; the musician giving life to a musical score; the painter becoming one with brush and canvas.
  • In human affairs, grace is aligned with mastery of aesthetic and cultural forms honed by time and honored by tradition.
  • When we appreciate graceful forms in human culture, we apprehend the pure beauty of the ideal, of life raised above the struggle for survival.
  • The Possession of grace, like the bearing of a beautiful gift to a wedding, can add stature to those in humble positions.
  • Do Take care to lend grace and dignity to small matters, while giving the weight of deep and careful consideration to matters of greater consequence.

Though it should not be confused with true substance, an artistic flair can take one far in this world.

E.S.T.M. a sub-approach Of Jay Parkhe’s 11 Mentoring approaches Part 1


E.S.T.M. : OR Emotional Stability Technique of Mentoring is one of Jay Parkhe’s favorite Techniques he sparingly uses with very select mentees who he believes are mentally, emotionally, sentimentally very Strong.  If at the outset, with his Transparency, Coach Reveals himself, mentor Provocation and challenge – it turns out that the Mentee is not very strong emotionally – Jay Parkhe tends to hold it back.   It is not a common technique applied with weak hearts.

balance stone

The original idea came from the Conductors of Music Operas with their guiding stick.  Jay loves Batons and walking sticks and was the BandLeader in School band and RSS.  He played flute, side and bass drum and couple of other instruments apart from the Bugle !

The core idea of Emotional Stability has roots in Emotional Intelligence but in my experience I found that Emotional Stability is more important than just EI.   So I went around conducting tests.

emotion balance.jpeg

I focused on 3 different variants to test Emotional Stability:

emotional stability speedometer 1.Universal Emotions

  • universal emotions, what they look like, and why we’re biologically hardwired to express them this way:

    • Anger. …This test is easy and many Mentees are quick to display their anger and ready to ask tough questions, some take defence in offence, some ready forever with counter questions as their response to express anger with the provocative mentor that Jay Plays during this exercise.

    • Fear. …is more quizzical but done with an unstructured series of questions asked at different times, differently so as the mentee does not know the motive of the questions or their real intent. It can puzzle them or create a feat in itself of losing the mentor support forever.

    • Disgust. …Like the definition with several synonyms of the term, the Mentor Jay uses any one of the synonym based upon his assessment of the mentee – he chooses one of these given to test Mentee Emotional stability. It becomes fun at the end and both Jay and mentee usually end up having a hearty laugh.. Some of the mentees break while testing these and some even quit.  a feeling of revulsion or strong disapproval aroused by something unpleasant offensive. revulsionrepugnanceaversiondistasteabhorrenceloathingdetestationodium, execration, horrornauseainformal yuck factorarchaic disrelishrare repellence, repellency  cause (someone) to feel revulsion or strong disapproval. revoltrepelrepulsesickennauseate, cause to feel nauseous, make shudder, turn someone’s stomach, make someone’s gorge rise; 

      be repugnant to, be repulsive to, be distasteful to;
      informalturn off, make someone want to throw up, squick;
      informalgross out outrageshockhorrifyappalscandalizeoffendaffront,dismaydispleasedissatisfyannoyangernauseatesicke
    • Sadness. ...The misuse or non-usage of 50 facial muscles to not even put up a fake style is something, some mentees are adept at it and while you can see Sadness and sadism written all over their faces, they like the mentor to prove himself worthy. Words like apathy, melancholia, atrophy fly off an on to describe themselves – (especially when they are offline and can hide behind the distance) are usually pretenders and test the mentor. Jay calls them in true Harry Potter language “De-Mentors” and either leads them away or shakes them off 🙂 . They are not worth mentoring/ coaching.

    • Surprise. … a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected significant event

    • The surprise factor is a technique used in storytelling to produce a deep inward feeling as reaction from the audience. It is created by telling a story in a way which creates a certain perception of events which is then revealed to be false often in exact opposition to original perception. The term most often refers to its use in many forms of humor which provides the audience with the twist or punch line, intended to elicit amusement. However it can also be used to elicit a tragic reaction, rather than a comic one.   It has been theorized that the essence of humor lies in two elements or factors, the relevance factor, and the surprise factor. First, it is necessary to present something familiar or relevant to the audience. This accounts for gaining the involvement and scrutiny of the audience, who may believe they know the natural follow-through thoughts or conclusion. Next, the actual amusement results from the presentation of some twist on what the audience expected, or else from interpreting the original situation in an unexpected way. These twists and unexpected interpretations may be summarized as the surprise factor.  For this reason, knowing a punch line in advance, or some situation which would flub the delivery of the punchline, can destroy the surprise factor, and in turn destroy the entertainment value or amusement the joke may have otherwise provided; such information is known in some contexts as a spoiler.  On the other hand, a person previously holding the same unexpected conclusions or secret perspectives as the comedian could derive amusement from hearing those same thoughts expressed and elaborated. That there is commonality, unity of thought, and an ability to openly analyze and express these (where secrecy and inhibited exploration was previously thought necessary) can be the surprise factor in these situations. This phenomenon explains much of the success of comedians who deal with same-gender and same-culture audiences on gender conflicts and cultural topics, respectively.

    • Happiness. ...While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with the Coach/ Mentor with pseudo expressions of Fake Melancholia, apathy and some go to the extent of showing atrophy wiht the whole mentoring process.  Then there are the philosophical types of mentees who play act by putting up a brave front in the garb of Nihilists, Marxists, Sadists and do not like to disclose what makes them happy.

      • Happiness. …While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with, making it difficult under negative influence of other people, mentors, coaches, among others

      • Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that pleasure and happiness are the primary or most important intrinsic goods and the aim of human life. A hedonist strives to maximize net pleasure (pleasure minus pain), but when having finally gained that pleasure, happiness remains stationary.

      • Ethical hedonism is the idea that all people have the right to do everything in their power to achieve the greatest amount of pleasure possible to them. It is also the idea that every person’s pleasure should far surpass their amount of pain. Ethical hedonism is said to have been started by Aristipusof Cyrene, a student of Socrates. He held the idea that pleasure is the highest good.

    • plural noun: contempts; noun: contempt of court; plural noun: contempts of court
      “when he was found to have lied to the House this was a contempt”

      Contempt: 

      contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration.   scorndisdaindisrespect, deprecation, disparagement, denigrationopprobriumodium, disregard for something that should be considered disrespectdisregardslightingneglect;
              the offence of being disobedient to or disrespectful of a court of law and its                officers.
    Testing the Mentees on their Emotional Stability to my mind is better than just doing Emotional Intelligence tests.  It is a tough call – not a Go, No Go exercise to dump a mentee/ coachee’ as useless or worthless. Far from it.  It helps to point them out their weak areas as Development Gaps which can be easily filled during the currency of the Mentoring exercise itself.
    In Part 2 We discuss other ways of Testing Emotional Stability.  Read on…