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Wise Coach – Naive Coach

I was reading this commercial from Tony Robbins’ Newsletter ”

When someone asks you for help, how do you respond?

The naive coach tends to “over-commit.”

They feel this heartfelt pressure to help the person, so the say, “Yes! Let me share my solutions with you. I’m committed to your change. Let’s make it happen!”

Why is this naive? Because if you rush in too much as a coach, you might scare the client away!

Or worse yet, you are seen as a “nagging” friend giving them unwanted advice. Ever experience that?

The wise coach knows better. They say, “Great. I’d love to help you.”

Then the wise coach thinks to themselves, “Let’s figure out what kind of client this is.”

You see, there are four different client types. The four types have different goals. They work at different speeds.

And they have completely different expectations for their coach.

When the naive coach “rushes in” to help, they miss out on the client’s type.

They miss what’s really going on.

The wise coach first understands the client’s type, and proceeds accordingly.

Which coach do you think is more effective?

If you ever find yourself giving advice to someone who doesn’t seem to benefit… I have something for you.

Today we will be sharing one of our top strategies for bringing faster, more profound change to coaching clients.

It will also work on anyone in your life who needs your help.”

I come into the later category of coaches – the Naive Coach! I tend to commit fast, stay committed for long and rarely have I failed.

I believe that Flirting Mentor is an Oxymoron just as a term like Naive Coach is, IMHO.   A TRUE coach or mentor is neither naive nor a Flirt ! Serious coaches are Committed people and whether they commit early or later is a matter of their mind’s processes and early or late decision making capabilities/ habits – nothing else!

 

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Mentor Master Class- Free Tutorial Series 1-10 for Mentors from Jay Parkhe #4. how coaching helps

Abstract: Let us take an example to understand how coaching benefits employees .M was recently promoted to the post of a Team Manager , something he does not have a lot of experience on . At their first meeting , S asked a couple of questions to M to know more about him , just to get acquainted .  In the subsequent meetings , Stanley and Morgan discussed what ‘s strengths and weaknesses were , and what the improvements in skill-sets were that Morgan had to bring back to his job . Over the next few months ,M and S regularly update their progress . They also discuss game play , tactics ,  and team building .

Let us take an example to understand how coaching benefits employees. M was recently promoted to the post of a Team Manager, something he doesn’t have a lot of experience on. He has been given the task to manage one of the teams in the company, so he sought help from a company coach to help him in understanding the requirements for the job, and to cultivate the right approach for the job. M enrolled for a two day per week course, and was assigned a coach named Stanley, who would be coaching him for the next few months.

S started by asking M to carry a workbook with him, in which M will keep a record of the discussions and guiding points that Stanley will provide to him during the learning. At their first meeting, S asked a couple of questions to M to know more about him, just to get acquainted. Then they discussed how they are going to work together, and with other people, in realizing the goals that have been set.

In the subsequent meetings, S and M discussed what M’s strengths and weaknesses were, and what the improvements in skill-sets were that M had to bring in him to excel at his job. Over the next few months, M and S met regularly to understand and analyze their progress.

They also spent time on discussing game play, tactics, and team building. Stanley constantly referred to his old coaching logs and M’s own workbook as evidences of improvement and encouraged Morgan to keep pushing his boundaries. Mock grills and role-plays were organized to check M’s improvement in team-managing under diverse and difficult scenarios.

At the end of the coaching, M commented on how useful he found the coaching process and how it made him realize the potential inside him that he had no idea he possessed. He is now a successful team-manager and a part-time coach himself to the new employees who join the company.

 

The Purpose Of Life Is Not Happiness: It’s Usefulness

You buy something, and you think that makes you happy.
You hook up with people, and think that makes you happy.
You get a well-paying job you don’t like, and think that makes you happy.
You go on holiday, and you think that makes you happy.

via The Purpose Of Life Is Not Happiness: It’s Usefulness

I liked this parable : Mathew 13

The Parable of the Sower (sometimes called the Parable of the Soils) is a parable of Jesusfound in the three Synoptic Gospels in Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, and Luke 8:4-15.

In the story, a sower sows seed and does so indiscriminately. Some seed falls on the path (wayside) with no soil, some on rocky ground with little soil, and some on soil which contained thorns. In these cases the seed is taken away or fails to produce a crop, but when it falls on good soil it grows, yielding thirty, sixty, or a hundredfold.

Jesus then (only in the presence of his disciples) explains that the seed represents the Gospel (the sower being anyone who proclaims it), and the various soils represent people’s responses to it (the first three representing rejection while the last represents acceptance.

I’m a gardener Mentor. I try and die the seeds to make Dreams grow into ambitions, translating into Vision, mission, goals, objectives, action plans, biz, marketing plans etal.

In my efforts, sometimes I come across very distressed mentees. I have to work on making the soil good as they have rocky soil of past bad experiences, thorny soil which does not allow seeds to germinate, or find soil. I spend 5, 13, 26, 52 weeks depending upon the STATE, and SITUATION.

I Sometimes come across Sand, silt or clay land or simply rocky land. Rarely I find delta land ( usualy in C Suite execs) which is fertile . Each gets a different mentor treatment.

It works. There are failures too. As the mentorees stop responding and throw seeds on footpath – it is eaten by birds and pigeons.

In one case, after sowing 150 revenue ideas and rigorously, tilling the land I found failure. I decided to move on. As the farmer/ mentoree just did not understand and allowed my gardening efforts fail.

Sad but true! It happens.

Gardener then moves on too…

Jay’s Quick Poetry-The Sharp And Grand Rock

Short story that inspired me to write a Quick Poem below

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls — family, health, friends, integrity — are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.

The Sharp And Grand Rock

A Poem by Jay Parkhe

Whose rock is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite angry though.
He was cross like a dark potato.
I watch him pace. I cry A’llo.

He gives his rock a shake,
And screams you’ve made a bad mistake.
The only other sound’s the break,
Of distant glasses and bars awake.

The Rock is sharp, Grand and deep,
But he has promises to keep,
Tormented with nightbirds he never sleeps.
Revenge is a promise a man must keep.

He rises from his flat bed,
With thoughts of violence in his head,
A flash of rage and he sees red.
Without a men-O-pause you turned and fled.

With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure

Survey: 68% of CEOs Admit They Weren’t Fully Prepared for the Job

via Survey: 68% of CEOs Admit They Weren’t Fully Prepared for the Job

The Ultimate Dream

Where do we want to b?.

What is our desired place we see?

What is the Ultimate Place we wish to be?

A Dreamer knows Inside OUT and Outside IN!

We do tend to forget the dream and live life

Going with the flow,

mostly aimlessly.

Dreams give us Purpose, Goals, Ambitions, and Aims – albeit sub-consciously.

Mentors are awakener and constantly hammer, chisel, sculpt the mouldable Mentees/  into their Actionable Plans, often as Accountability Partners with joint responsibility.

Isn’t it your idea too that you can have a thriving business built on helping people and improving the world the ultimate dream?

It’s possible.

In case you didn’t know – the Personal Development/ Life Coaching/ Mentoring Industry is not just about feeling good.

According to Wikipedia and Psychology Today, this is a more than $11 Billion dollar industry – and growing.

It is Growing at a rapid pace and will continue to always help more lives with their positive impact – the question we should be asking ourself isn’t, ‘Can I be successful at this?’ …

it’s ‘How big of a mark do I want to make?’, and

‘What am I willing to do to make it happen?”

There is no limit to the amount of income or the satisfaction you can gain from teaching people how to unleash their unlimited potential and awaken their latent dreams.

I’ve been studying why people do what they do for nearly half a century.  .

My latest article published on JetAirways Global Linkers website for SME’s

The link to the article is here.  Thanks to EThe link to the article is here. Thanks to Editorial team and Ms. Supriya ji in particular.ditorial team and Ms. Supriya ji in particular.

 

 

Welcome to FB Group for Mentors and Startups, SMEs.

Welcome to our new Group – Jay Parkhe’s Mentor MasterClass.  Pro-Bono Mentors who are keen to mentor Startups are welcome to join as part of the mentor community I wish to build for Startups. Startups and SME’s are welcome to join as we hope to find them Right Mentors for their all needs in times to come. This is expected to help Entrepreneurship and Employment Generation.

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Decide First! Right or wrong comes later

Diamond is merely a Lump …

Today’s Inspirational Quote:

“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”

— Author Unknown

I was reading an article

From Ashes To Ashes To Diamonds: A Way To Treasure The Dead . It is very interesting ! It talks about “From Ashes To Ashes To Diamonds: A Way To Treasure The Dead””

Most of the diamonds synthesized from cremated remains come out blue, due to trace amounts of boron in the body. These diamonds, made from the ashes of animals, were created through the same process used to make diamonds from human remains.

I once said to a mentee that you are a Raw Diamond and a good mentor can turn you into a Masterpiece.  I mentioned 3 different cuts Indian Cut vs Belgium Cut vs Russian Cut which is given to the Raw Diamond. 
  1. Where a stone is cut has no more relation to the quality of the cut. At least not in what is observable in the finished product. There definitely still is a difference in yield, but that is only of concern for the manufacturer.
  2. The difference in cut-quality depends upon the goals and the organisation of the manufacturer. The cutting might be anywhere in the world for that matter. Therefore, you can still find very nicely cut Russian-cuts, a growing percentage of high quality Indian-cuts and in bigger stones, still more than Gary thinks, mostly Belgian-cut stones.
  • Pre Glasnost Russians cut by the text book with little regard for yield. Russian was the best cut.
  • Belgium has very little cutting today – some is very good – most is pre prepared and sent to Asia for finishing.
  • A few years back all Indian and most Israel diamonds were sold thru Belgium as Belgian Cut – or the better cut stones as Russian Cut.
  • Today it does not matter much as there are terrible and beautiful diamonds cut everywhere. Buy the diamond and not the location – that is the best advice.

Same things almost apply to the Mentor who becomes the Sculptor for the Masterpiece or the Diamond cutter improving the 4C Qualities of the Diamonds and bringing out their inner FIRE and increasing the yield by cuts so that the Weight gives the desired price to the seller.

Sometimes, though it gives me the feeling that the Mentees are not finally CARBON so essential for making of a Diamond but are made of a brittle, fragile sandstone which can only be crushed to make sand and used in the plinth of a building and NOT Diamond. The death wish of the mentee, in such cases to be a masterpiece can only be fulfilled if the building architect designs and makes it the world’s best – otherwise it remains another mundane structure.

To me personally, Mentoring is both art and science.  There are thousands of approaches and there would be million mentors in the world each monopolising their own tricks of the trade and techniques and approaches.  I just focused on 11 of them and practiced them for 20 years.  It does not make me a diamond ! or even diamond material ready for the cuts.  The mentor leaves behind the legacy of mentees who when they do well – the mentor becomes PUREST FORM OF CARBON and may not require any polish – just the basic things they do to be the Blue Diamond preserved by some as their Dead.  That would be my last wish! 

WOW! 88.8 ! No its not Poker Win but it is a Win all the same. May make me a Diet Mentor now.

So Congratulations to me.  The credit for this goes to my loving wife and family and my Doctors who did not let me waver like true mentors for one moment from my goal. They set three big strategic targets for me after my 2 heart attacks

  1. Get to 68Kg – your weight when you married 38 years ago and present a Jay as he was to your wife.  Motivating but tough.
  2. Second Get to Under 90 Kg before May 2018 and maintain the weight.
  3. Come to 80 Kilos by 31st July and you will have nearly Reversed your Heart disease by strict medical management, Walking as the only exercise other than some breating Yoga exercises and Extremely strict Dietary conrols and managemnt.

 

I like to MEASURE.  Without measuring nothing is achieved.  I used different Apps for Walking measurement, Steps measurement, Weight measurement, BP measurement, Sugar measurement

Without Documentation of what you do, you can not prove as people are interested to have an EMPIRICAL (sic !) EVIDENCE that what you claim is true..  So I maintained a journal in which i record all the above and my Insulin dosage plus I also record EPISODES such as the number of times I fell down, Number of times I ate out, No. of days on travel, No. of issues – fractured hand, Arthritis, Frozen shoulder, Extreme sweating etc as told to maintain by my Great Doctors who are now friends.  Without their help it was not possible.

Look at these pics – Before and After. This was ME in August 2007 when TNT CEO visited India and I had just returned from Tirupati after a headshave and a Darshan. I weighed a good 135 Kilos then and was ready for a Heart Attack.  I had stopped all forms of Alcohol in 2006 beginning and stopped Non-vegetarian food much before that by I was still eating lots of namkins and salted, fried peanuts and was smoking to glory as a chainsmoker.

dp Aut 2008As Diabetes was detected in 2006, I was put on Tablets and No Sugar, Minimal Salt food and I had reduced my food intake by about 20% overall without of course stopping the peanuts and snacks which put my blood sugar out of control and the Doctor to comment – other than your Kidneys everything seems wrong and you are waiting for a silent heart attack soon.  I changed the doctor though, as he was mostly abroad and was not guiding me correctly and I was left to the mercy of his wire thin dietician who had run out of ideas about giving me recipe’s as none of her 20 recipe’s worked.
dp july 2007 Weight drop after diabetes was not very significant but I managed to get the photographer to get this shot so I look thinner in the picture atleast with a french beard or a ‘goatee”.  🙂 I still weighed 132 Kilos in July 2008

The below picture is when I was honoured as an Honorary Professor of SIBM Pune, Bangalore by the Chairman of Symbiosis Dr. Muzumdar.  I was donating all the honorarium earned adding something from my own for their library.  Did so from 2000 to 2014.

June 2010 and I still weighed 135 Kilos as you can see from the pic below. DP June 2010

The picture below is 6 months after my 2 quick silent heart attacks of which one was noticed in Feb 14 by Symbiosis students and I was admitted to Narayana Hrudayalaya of the world famous Dr. Devi Shetty.  My Weight 108 Kg. August 2014.  When admitted the famed doctor said it is a case requiring triple bypass but your heart pumps at 15% and it is not feasible to operate. They did PET Scan and other tests and put me in ICCU for 8 days which were very boring with hospital diet food and smells and nauseating atmosphere . Two great things happened. 1. I stopped snoring 2. I stopped smoking thereafter. cropped-dp-barcode-with-tagline.jpeg

Dr. Shetty also advised me to meet the HOD of Endocrinology and now my friend Dr. Satish Kumar for putting me on Insulin, his medication and diet controls.

I was very reluctant to take insulin. Wanted to hire a nurse or go to a hospital to get injected as I would relate it to 14 injections in the stomach thing which was a fear I had about the dog bite.  Although I had a pet dog in my childhood called Tomy but I was very afraid of injections in the stomach.  But I changed my fears and went on with treatment.

Next came diet. After 2 – 4 changes of dieticians opinions Dr. Satish asked me to cut food intake to a total of 20% of what I was eating before the Episodes and my wife would listen to his advice intently and make me accept and adapt to this extremely strictly.  She maintained my food timings, quantity and watched for my excesses I would indulge on my walks etc. and added couple of juices = White gourd and fresh Grass juice to my morning breakfast.  Daughter pitched in with her client’s Sericha Tea with lunch and dinner and another daughter suggested Figs to reduce cholestrol with breakfast.

All in all I was in good hands = well disciplined, well monitored and controlled.

Weight 135 Kg.jayparkhe2028729 copy 2Dec2011

My only task was to Walk. I had started short walks post retirement in the morning and evening.  Dr. Satish motivated me to increase it periodically.  So from 2.5Km a day I have come to average 12.5 Km per day this year.  In April I crossed 10000Km on the Nike Apps meant for runners but I measured my Km walked.

All of this worked.  Then this year I realised I sleep a lot in the day time some times 2 to 6 hours as sisesta.  My weight touched on April 9 2018 98 Kilos and I was told to stop sleeping in the noon and instead walk for about 2 Km in the Sun.  It started showing results.

Post my birthday, I fitted into Readymade Slim fit Jeans after many many years and you can see the delight on my face. But I still had to go to the next target level. dp april 9 I weighe today and my Cuttent Weight 88,8kg.  For past 15 days it has been in the range of 89 to 90 kilos.  I think I am going to achieve the 80 kilo target by the due date doing what I am doing. It is working. 

So personally, it is a bigger victory than a Poker victory as even if you win 10 Million or 1- billion you can spend it all but you can not reverse the heart disease and earn more years to live with your family and friends.  My personal gratitude to all who helped.

To end, I had a brief Mentoring intervention of 60 days with a mentee and I once shared a joke with her to say ” Jaane Kiski mentoring karta firta hai,  iska wazan 5 Kilo ghat gaya hai” – it was a rigorous mentoring assignment and what this meant is “Don’t know who he mentors or what he does but his weight has gone down by 5 Kilos” So perhaps she also deserves kudos for being with me in that crucial period of losing weight and helping me achieve my target.

So next is 80.0 Kilos by 31st July. 🙂

 

Dedicated to Mentees who quit or Cracked!

I wrote an article some time ago, about the 11 mentoring approaches I used and then found that there are many many more Mentoring approaches I do not know about. I was especially inspired by this video I found on YouTube that talks about 5 1/2 Mentors which this Basketball player found in his lifetime which are so precious and way better than my 11 approached.

I dedicate this article and urge especially the Mentees whom I dropped, who quit, or who Cracked under the KickAss Mentor’s pressures and Strict Coach Talk/ writings. They may still have a chance to move up in life as all is not lost. I loved this video. Sharing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quhcyPpCaSk

I read somewhere that Mentors appear when the Pupils are ready but as a Skeptic I believe that Mentors come for :

a. A Reason

b. A Season or

c. For Life as a life coach.

I know the amount of pressure, I exert on mentees is so unbearable that The Reason sometimes changes to Treason 🙂 and mentees begin Reverse Mentoring – as they believe Jay is such an inferior guy – we can coach and mentor him better !

The Season may last for a Quarter, Half year or 4-5 years and then as the Mentees learn to find mentors for their Augmented needs and Augmented wants of their businesses, their personal motivations – Jay Parkhe takes a back seat willing. That’s when the SEASONING and ripening of the Mentees begin. jay calls it WEAN to WIN approach.

Some Mentees keep in touch as they believe they have formed a bond which is life long and they keep in touch at their will and for them it is ATM – Any time mentoring where the phonelines, emails, whatsApp or SMS never shut. They reach you on Social media complimenting, commenting, sharing, agreeing, disagreeing, congratulating and sharing sad moments together.

Mentoring does all of this. It can display in a simple limp handshake with a sweaty but cold palm that the person is Selfish, will turn ungrateful, ingrate but the good mentors persist as they believe in the power to reform. No one can change and adult. Only adults can transform themselves and change. As you can see in this video as well. Jay has met several Ex-Cons who came for advice, Reformed, became part of this world by giving up all their bad deeds, negative influences, negative people surrounding them by building a strong fort in their minds to counter them and Jay takes pride in helping them build and reinforce every strong wall, trench and tunnel and their Big Guns!

Such is the pleasure of Mentoring. Enjoy the video. I found it very inspiring.

Interesting day. Great Gyan from WhatsApp on my Walks and some great phrases I learnt.

I came across this Brilliant Quote by Nobel laureate ‘Desmond Tutu’ which read..

“When the Missionaries came to #Africa they had the #Bible and we had the Land.
They said ‘Let us Pray.’
We Closed our eyes.
When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land…

Like wise,
When ‘Facebook & WhatsApp’ Came,
they had the ‘Internet’ and we had the Freedom.

They said it’s free.
We closed our eyes.

When we opened them, we had the #Facebook #WhatsApp and they had our Freedom..!!”

It is rightly said, “When anything is free for YOU, Your freedom will be the Price..🕯

 

Think…………………  Thank you Amarendra for sharing.

This one is wonderful and is from my Doc.

Plz remember what these
few organs are afraid of ?

Kidney:
Afraid to stay up all night.
Stomach:
Afraid of the cold food.
Lungs:
Afraid of smoke.
Liver:
Afraid of fatty stuff.
Heart:
Afraid of salty food.
Pancreas:
Afraid of big eating.
Intestines: .. Afraid of
eating seafood indiscriminately.
Eyes: .. Afraid of
mobiles & computers screens.
Gallbladder:
Afraid of not eating breakfast.

So pls take real good care of yourself !
Because spare parts may not fit.
They are very expensive….
& not necessarily available in stock !
🙏

Thank you Doc. I shall be careful.

And now some phrases I came across today.

  1. Short End of the Stick
    Meaning:
    Getting the bad end of a deal, or receiving the least desirable outcome from something.

    That’s a Nasty one! One never should face this in life. I wish everyone well and may God keep you away from having a bad deal or receiving the least desirable outcome.  May you be safe and hail and hearty and healthy.

  2. Quality Time
    Meaning: 
    Spending time with another to strengthen the relationship.

    Sounds impossible in this virtual world NO?  A speaker on Youtube was saying we should not see our smartphone messages within 1 hour of waking up.  I was raised in the Blackberry age when I had to immediately respond at all hours for emergencies, crises – and I somehow have a carry over effect, a baggage of this old habit even after retirement and I must follow what this speaker says. NO?

  3. Under the Weather
    Meaning: 
    Not feeling well, in health or mood

    That is another nasty one today. But fortunately, my Doc sent me the above advice to take care of things I otherwise take lightly or ignore.  If we take care of our body, and its vital organs by excercising self control and feeding it what is good for it – exercise and maintain health – going under the weather will remain a phrase. I wish best of health for all readers and all others. 

Contrasting phrases generated today

  1. Jaws of Life
    Meaning:
    Usually this references a tool used by rescuers when they pry or cut open a car to save the occupant.

    This reminds me of the time when I had seen the worst of Rail and Road accidents and as RSS workers we were busy overnight to help the victims as rescuers.  Very bad memories are evoked with this phrase.  Why does it appear today?!  I don’t know. I am a skeptic so I won’t believe in this phrase like Billi raasta kaat gayi or the cat crossed my path so it is bad omen – but I would keep looking for some time – like Tony Robbins once explained in his show ‘what else could it mean?’  Sometimes we have to give in to our gut feelings, or inner voice which tells us to beware.  In any case – Jaws of Life are not bad per se,  They are there to help. They are a Tool for the Rescuers and they cut open the car, rail, truck wherever one is stuck and it is a Life Saving thing.  I read somewhere – We Manage Things, and We Lead People.  Reminds me of our leader who led the Rescue party and worked tirelessly to help all victims that we could save.

  2. Burst Your Bubble
    Meaning: 
    To ruin someone’s happy moment.

    I just with that such a day never occurs in my life when I have to ruin someone’s happy moment.  At workplace, I have fired people for non=performance, misdemeanor, fraud or other crimes and things listed as “Sackable Offences” which were the unwritten and written code Red mix in the corporates. As Disciplinary and Ethics Committee Chair it would mean taking tough, harsh decisions.  But playing spoilsport – ruining someone’s happy moment was not one of them. Remotely, may be.

Inappropriate, Fell short. Random input phrases to Provoke Thoughts

  1. Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees
    Meaning: 
    Suggests that money is a resource that must be earned and is not one that’s easily acquired.

    Expecting Acts of Kindness? Expecting delivery on a platter without doing any Efforts?  Well. Learn to create many many sources of generating passive income. Some may actually work and then the saying can come true. 

  2. Hit Below The Belt
    Meaning: 
    A boxing term. Also often used to refer to inappropriate words, or comments that are too personal.

    Risk and Crisis Management.

  3. Close But No Cigar
    Meaning: 
    Coming close to a successful outcome only to fall short at the end.

    It is OK. It is still a development gap. We lack FINISHIATIVE in the Race that we run and prepare to run again. Not all are able to FINISH the tasks on time all the time. So don’t get disheartened. Wake up . Prepare, Rise and begin again !

I call it Completion Gene or FINISHIATIVE – for Startpreneurs !

Today’s Inspirational Quote:

“It doesn’t matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say, ‘I have finished.’ There is a lot of satisfaction in that.”

— Fred Lebow

What is FINISHIATIVE. WHY DID JAY PARKHE COIN THIS TERM?

Do you remember the old saying? Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. When it comes to starting your own startpreneurship business, this saying really hits the nail right on the head.

Business is only going to come to life if we do the things you need to do to bring it to fruition. If we continue to put off the things w need to do to get our business started until tomorrow–we’re too busy at work, or our children need us to pick them up at the mall, your wife wants you to watch a popular new TV show–then when will you ever get around to doing them?

Being a successful Startpreneur takes more than thinking about it, talking about it, or dreaming about it. It takes more than telling your friends that you would like to start your own business one day. It takes more than reading a copy of magazine It takes more than reading this blog.

Startpreneur requires  action–we have to set goals, establish tasks, and then complete them. It’s not the size of the goals or the tasks that counts, it’s the doing that is everything.

Home-based business experts Paul and Sarah Edwards, say that the number-one ingredient for success in starting and growing a home-based business is something all of us have in varying quantities: the Completion Gene.

The Completion Gene is the habit based on psychological need to follow through on what you start and see it to the end–whether it be preparing a proposal, doing a project for a client, or seeing a business through its up and down cycles.

In short, the Completion Gene is what separates successful small business owners from the wannabes, and it’s the thing that can have the biggest impact on your success as an entrepreneur.

So, what are the key components of the Completion Gene? There are two:

Short term: Getting things done. This is waking up every day and taking steps towards achieving your goals. Some day, it may mean buying business cards for your new business, or applying for a business license or hiring a lawyer to help you incorporate your business. Or it may mean researching your idea on the Internet or calling prospective clients to find out who might be interested in buying the products or services that you intend to offer for sale. You cannot build a business without taking these short-term, but important, steps.
Long term: Persistence. The idea of a business overnight success is as uncommon as the proverbial 99 Rupee Note. In reality, the latest craze or hot item is most often the result of years of hard work and perseverance. #

You might have the greatest idea since sliced bread but, if you aren’t willing or able to hang in with it for the long haul, then you’ll potentially miss enjoying the gold at the end of your rainbow.
You may not think you were born with the Completion Gene but, believe me, it’s there deep inside you.

The Completion Gene is built into each one of us–it’s standard equipment from the factory. If you haven’t seen your Completion Gene lately, you might need to dust it off before you’ll have an opportunity to give it a workout. The more you exercise it, the stronger it will get. And the stronger it gets, the closer you will be to living your dreams instead of just dreaming them.

5 Minute Mentor Mentee Interview.

Whether you are a Mentor or you wish to be a C Suite Mentee The following can provide you a quick way to break the ice in an early mentoring meeting (with thanks to the Independent newspaper).
The answers don’t have to be written down – this is to create conversation. Fundamental to this interview are two main Communication Pillars which make the Mentee understand that :
1. The Mentor will Reveal himself Transparently. Reciprocity is expected/ appreciated. Confidentiality is maintained.
2. The Mentor ‘Provokes’ ! Be Ready for this, Challenge is good, Provocation leads to bringing out the Best in you !

Both mentee and mentor can answer these questions:
• If you weren’t talking to me right now you’d be …
• The catch- phrase/s you use far too often is …
• I wish people would take more notice of …
• The most surprising thing that happened to me was …
• A common misconception (idea) of mine is …
• I am not a politician, but …
• I am good at…
• I am not very good at…
• The best day / night out is …
• The best age to be is …
• In a nutshell, my philosophy is …
• I light up when…
• If I could learn any language I would learn..

via (8) #37 – 5 Minute Mentor.Mentee Interview – C Suite Mentoring. | LinkedIn

Story Telling – The Story for Stan F. Smith (?)

I am not sure, if Stan F. Smith was his correct name. I met the gentleman in 7th Floor Free Ward of Jaslok Hospital in year 1979.  No. He did not present a pleasant sight. His half the Skull had stitches in his bald head and he had been operated for Fileria ( Haathi Panv) but still had one leg hugely swollen and he had difficulty walking with his walking stick.

But one night, he came to my hospital bed and when I was looking for a Bed pan and could not wake up the nurses by ringing the bell – he gave me one.  I could not sleep all 8 nights I was operated but I instantly liked the gentleman.  We decided to become friends.  I learnt that the nurses do not answer to the bells in the night.  Stan would personally go to the patients in need of water, bed pans, urine pots or wake up the junior doctors if someone looked serious or showing symptoms of heart attack or panic.

As we both could not sleep, we began taking rounds of the other wards. I had a knee surgery but I was able to walk. Stan had to take some effort but he was game for it.  We managed to make friends with JUDOs the Junior Doctors and began having jokes with them. We would do numerology and I was good at palmistry then and would predict love affairs, marriage, private practice etc. what the JUDOs liked to listen and have fun at.

One day I asked Stan what he used to do for a living as he was a patient here for over an year. He said he was a marketing consultant living in Malad a Mumbai suburb.  I asked him what does it mean.  I was working in a village bank branch and had just become a field officer with Madras Fertilizers after one year of apprenticeship.  I was trying to do a British Institute Marketing Management correspondence course.  So Stan explained. He said In Mumbai which is country’s biggest retail market – you can sell anything.  Anything ! he reinforced and said – Including plain DIRT !

I was astounded.  I said how?  He said we are in Pedder Road and you can see all the high rise buildings with their luxury apartments around.  He said many of them are people who came as paupers from villages and made it rich – Mumbai was Indian Poor man’s American Dream even in those days !

He said, you live in a village and must have observed when people come back from toilets they rub their hands in dirt before washing them.  Reason: Toilet soaps are not very common in villages. I said yes. True.  He said,  People may have become multi-millionaires and may live in these skyscrapers – some of their habits are age old.  If you filter dirt, soil of different colours and make small 50 gramme packets and say Toilet Mitti (Soil) – it will sell.  He said you can bring in variants, of colours, quantity, packaging and even claim this comes form UP, RAJASTHAN, BIHAR, MP etc. etc. and people would flock to buy it.

People in Mumbai like to buy on footpaths as they are very busy people catching buses, train, taxis all the time.  The rich move near seashores and gardens.  He said Have a large umbrella and put up a stall near these places and begin selling.  He had my attention, Focus, his STATE had my empathy and I was flabbegasted by his FREE Advice to a youngster.

Over the years, we lost touch and 39 years later I am not sure, if I shall ever see Stan but I know one thing he was one hell of a marketeer who UNDERSTOOD People, Their NEEDS, Their purchasing power, Indian Psyche, The Places where they frequent, The places where they will buy.  He also advised on packaging and marketing and promotion and he said – word of mouth is the best publicity.   Rich people like to bargain the most – allow them to and let them have the last laugh and he would say you would still be reaping profits.

9 years later, I became a student of Marketing Management in Pune and I remembered my friend Stan and narrated this story to one of my Marketing Gurus and he said WOW ! I want to meet this man.  But Alas, i had no clue where he was.

Marketing as i learnt is all about Psyche’ / knowing the customer needs, buying behaviour, pattern, purchasing power and then pitching with your product/ service with different creative innovative techniques.

Below is a link I liked about Story telling from TedX shows that I like to watch from YouTube.

let me know which Hormone was activated after reading this story in you?  I am usually good at story telling as they are real life experiences but this time I am following the Art and Science of Story telling  following an expert.  May be, one day I shall appear on YouTube with my stories or well may be, become a Storyteller Paid Speaker.  🙂

 

Story Telling is an Art and Science

E.S.T.M. a sub-approach Of Jay Parkhe’s 11 Mentoring approaches Part 1

E.S.T.M. : OR Emotional Stability Technique of Mentoring is one of Jay Parkhe’s favorite Techniques he sparingly uses with very select mentees who he believes are mentally, emotionally, sentimentally very Strong.  If at the outset, with his Transparency, Coach Reveals himself, mentor Provocation and challenge – it turns out that the Mentee is not very strong emotionally – Jay Parkhe tends to hold it back.   It is not a common technique applied with weak hearts.

balance stone

The original idea came from the Conductors of Music Operas with their guiding stick.  Jay loves Batons and walking sticks and was the BandLeader in School band and RSS.  He played flute, side and bass drum and couple of other instruments apart from the Bugle !

The core idea of Emotional Stability has roots in Emotional Intelligence but in my experience I found that Emotional Stability is more important than just EI.   So I went around conducting tests.

emotion balance.jpeg

I focused on 3 different variants to test Emotional Stability:

emotional stability speedometer 1.Universal Emotions

  • universal emotions, what they look like, and why we’re biologically hardwired to express them this way:

    • Anger. …This test is easy and many Mentees are quick to display their anger and ready to ask tough questions, some take defence in offence, some ready forever with counter questions as their response to express anger with the provocative mentor that Jay Plays during this exercise.

    • Fear. …is more quizzical but done with an unstructured series of questions asked at different times, differently so as the mentee does not know the motive of the questions or their real intent. It can puzzle them or create a feat in itself of losing the mentor support forever.

    • Disgust. …Like the definition with several synonyms of the term, the Mentor Jay uses any one of the synonym based upon his assessment of the mentee – he chooses one of these given to test Mentee Emotional stability. It becomes fun at the end and both Jay and mentee usually end up having a hearty laugh.. Some of the mentees break while testing these and some even quit.  a feeling of revulsion or strong disapproval aroused by something unpleasant offensive. revulsionrepugnanceaversiondistasteabhorrenceloathingdetestationodium, execration, horrornauseainformal yuck factorarchaic disrelishrare repellence, repellency  cause (someone) to feel revulsion or strong disapproval. revoltrepelrepulsesickennauseate, cause to feel nauseous, make shudder, turn someone’s stomach, make someone’s gorge rise; 

      be repugnant to, be repulsive to, be distasteful to;
      informalturn off, make someone want to throw up, squick;
      informalgross out outrageshockhorrifyappalscandalizeoffendaffront,dismaydispleasedissatisfyannoyangernauseatesicke
    • Sadness. ...The misuse or non-usage of 50 facial muscles to not even put up a fake style is something, some mentees are adept at it and while you can see Sadness and sadism written all over their faces, they like the mentor to prove himself worthy. Words like apathy, melancholia, atrophy fly off an on to describe themselves – (especially when they are offline and can hide behind the distance) are usually pretenders and test the mentor. Jay calls them in true Harry Potter language “De-Mentors” and either leads them away or shakes them off 🙂 . They are not worth mentoring/ coaching.

    • Surprise. … a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected significant event

    • The surprise factor is a technique used in storytelling to produce a deep inward feeling as reaction from the audience. It is created by telling a story in a way which creates a certain perception of events which is then revealed to be false often in exact opposition to original perception. The term most often refers to its use in many forms of humor which provides the audience with the twist or punch line, intended to elicit amusement. However it can also be used to elicit a tragic reaction, rather than a comic one.   It has been theorized that the essence of humor lies in two elements or factors, the relevance factor, and the surprise factor. First, it is necessary to present something familiar or relevant to the audience. This accounts for gaining the involvement and scrutiny of the audience, who may believe they know the natural follow-through thoughts or conclusion. Next, the actual amusement results from the presentation of some twist on what the audience expected, or else from interpreting the original situation in an unexpected way. These twists and unexpected interpretations may be summarized as the surprise factor.  For this reason, knowing a punch line in advance, or some situation which would flub the delivery of the punchline, can destroy the surprise factor, and in turn destroy the entertainment value or amusement the joke may have otherwise provided; such information is known in some contexts as a spoiler.  On the other hand, a person previously holding the same unexpected conclusions or secret perspectives as the comedian could derive amusement from hearing those same thoughts expressed and elaborated. That there is commonality, unity of thought, and an ability to openly analyze and express these (where secrecy and inhibited exploration was previously thought necessary) can be the surprise factor in these situations. This phenomenon explains much of the success of comedians who deal with same-gender and same-culture audiences on gender conflicts and cultural topics, respectively.

    • Happiness. ...While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with the Coach/ Mentor with pseudo expressions of Fake Melancholia, apathy and some go to the extent of showing atrophy wiht the whole mentoring process.  Then there are the philosophical types of mentees who play act by putting up a brave front in the garb of Nihilists, Marxists, Sadists and do not like to disclose what makes them happy.

      • Happiness. …While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with, making it difficult under negative influence of other people, mentors, coaches, among others

      • Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that pleasure and happiness are the primary or most important intrinsic goods and the aim of human life. A hedonist strives to maximize net pleasure (pleasure minus pain), but when having finally gained that pleasure, happiness remains stationary.

      • Ethical hedonism is the idea that all people have the right to do everything in their power to achieve the greatest amount of pleasure possible to them. It is also the idea that every person’s pleasure should far surpass their amount of pain. Ethical hedonism is said to have been started by Aristipusof Cyrene, a student of Socrates. He held the idea that pleasure is the highest good.

    • plural noun: contempts; noun: contempt of court; plural noun: contempts of court
      “when he was found to have lied to the House this was a contempt”

      Contempt: 

      contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration.   scorndisdaindisrespect, deprecation, disparagement, denigrationopprobriumodium, disregard for something that should be considered disrespectdisregardslightingneglect;
              the offence of being disobedient to or disrespectful of a court of law and its                officers.
    Testing the Mentees on their Emotional Stability to my mind is better than just doing Emotional Intelligence tests.  It is a tough call – not a Go, No Go exercise to dump a mentee/ coachee’ as useless or worthless. Far from it.  It helps to point them out their weak areas as Development Gaps which can be easily filled during the currency of the Mentoring exercise itself.
    In Part 2 We discuss other ways of Testing Emotional Stability.  Read on…

Interesting Ugly Phrases from generator today :)

  1. Eat My Hat
    Meaning: Having confidence in a specific outcome; being almost sure about something.
  2. Talk the Talk
    Meaning: 
    Supporting what you say, not just with words, but also through action or evidence.
  3. If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen
    Meaning: 
    One should discontinue with a task if they are unable to cope with it due to pressure.

GOOD, Bad and ugly phrases of the day

  1. Fish Out Of WaterMeaning: Someone being in a situation that they are unfamiliar or unsuited for.
  2. Wild Goose ChaseMeaning: Futilely pursuing something that will never be attainable.
  3. Cut The MustardMeaning: To cut the mustard is to meet a required standard, or to meet expectations.
  4. Long In The ToothMeaning: Old in age. Mainly used when referring to people or horses.
  5. A Dime a DozenMeaning: Something that is extremely common.
  6. Throw In the TowelMeaning: Giving up; to surrender.

Jay Parkhe’s C.A.L.M. Approach to Mentoring and Greased Lightening

One of the Sub-Approaches within his Professional Mentoring Practice Jay Parkhe uses is named by him as CALM – Concentrated, Accelerated, Learning Methods.  There is nothing calm about it.  And the usual Perceptive feedback/ Feedforward he received form his Direct reports 22 years ago and his latest Mentees is no Different.  “Jay, you are too fast paced for us”.  Yes, Jay is a man in a hurry and in the Give mode, he likes to share all that he have – no holds barred to every Coached / Mentee.  Let me take a phrase that comes to my mind. It is called Greased Lightning”  Its  Meaning is :  Simply “Very fast or quick.”and the Concentration has different Learning connotation – Acceleration comes from this word called Greased Lightning and that defines Jay’s style of mentoring.

Jay derives motivation from Serena Williams quote, “At my age, I see the finish line. And, when you see the finish line, you don’t slow down. You Speed up.”

The Concentrated Learning Method is rather simple.  I learnt it from a Volunteer lady who came to teach children some 12 years ago to a school TNT was funding called ‘Parikrma Foundation”.  What I learnt from her ( sorry, I forgot her name – my senior moments 🙂 ) but the learning was precious.

She said she is teaching Kindergarten school children 4 things:  ” READ, WRITE, LISTEN and SPEAK”.

I used this for Adult learning, coaching, mentoring as a Tool/ technique and it is a fiercely KickAss Mentor training, as it was my belief that Adults already are Learned people and they would soon understand.  Only I brought in the Technology perspective here and that changed the Mentee, coached or my Direct reports perceptions totally and invoked the “too fast paced”comment.  Let me explain. How does Reading, Writing, Listening, Speaking happen in a MNC Corporate environment?  What are the tools  and techniques and Technology at the command of Senior Executives and C-Level Executives. Tremendous. The back room IT solutions provider team makes more and more user friendly softwares and solutions to help the often IT illiterate C-Level Executive or the aspirant for those positions.  Being a FAST TRACK recruiter I found the MBAs, Freshers from B school more literate and able to adopt the technology that seniors.

So what does this Method entail.  I ask Coachee/ Mentees

Read : Reading habits, Reading times, Any habits of note taking, Best times of undisturbed reading, Type of reading – fiction/ non-fiction, poetry etc. Then I ask about reading SMS, WhatsApp, SnapChat, Facebook Posts, Linkedin Posts and Influencer articles, Kindle e-books etc. I also focus on their email reading habits – the average time spent, the total time taken to read and respond to mails and electronic message.  Millennials are faster, sharper, adopt technology well and use smartphone, ipads, tablets, laptops well.  Then I test them on their Reading skill with Best and worst readability short and long messages and mails. Sometimes flooding them with important and unimportant messages.

What I notice or observe just by observing is : Short or longer attention span, What they like to read and from whom.  The time of the day when they are most or least receptive and also gauge their response time and setting of priorities. Many Crack, Some give feedforward – They Win.  Some Keep quiet but stop responding – They lose.

Sometimes I also ask them to read aloud their emails just to see their own reactions to some of the words they use in their messages/ mails.  It is wonderful and makes people realise where they can get better and still better.  It helps.

Write:  I sometimes provoke and test them on their short and long hand messages.  Their precis writing skills, the use of jargons, the cliche’s and the slang, abbreviations, abusive words marked with S@#4 or F#$% etc. etc. – Feedforward again works when they are requested to Read aloud the SHORT and long messages and email to gauge the impact this will have on the receivers of the messages.  I also introduce here some of the latest technology, tools, browser extensions, abstract writers, phrase generators etc. and some CRM tools like RocketBolt, Boomerang, Mailtrack and Grammarly etc.  These help me to gauge their Diction, vocabulary and refine their language depending upon their stage to prepare for the C-Level positions.  For Entrepreneurs and business people it becomes tortuous but if they are chasing a big dream and ( I do not coach or mentor anyone who does not have a big dream any way)  wish to be a Corporate some day or a Unicorn = they know what they are lacking.  I sometime comfort them by saying that you recruit the best of Executive Assistant with a flair for official writing, business writing, Report writing, Pitch writing, Appraisal feedback writing etc.  All of this is usually taken well and people know their areas where they have to get better. 

Listen:  This works both ways. Sometimes, as Coach / Mentor I monopolise the talk time and make the coachee/ Mentee fret and fume for not getting a chance to speak.  I also tell them that interruptions are bad as they come in the way of a brainwave/ thought process of the speaker.  It irritates them like hell. I then begin to count their number of interruptions and point them to improve. Sometimes, I just go quiet and respond only in monosyllables or do not respond to many messages – but write one curt, short or long mail covering all important points from my perspective ignoring deliberately what is important from Mentee’s point of view.  This is to make them understand that the listener also need Accuracy, Brevity and clarity just as the written communicator needs. Long periods of quiet can hurt both ways and if the Coacheee/ mentee begins to go into quietude/ silence or starts cursing under the breath – these are tell-tale signs that the Coaching may not last longer as they have begun to crack.  Some mentees actually get very angry at these provocative, challenging but SILENT interventions and CRACK ! 

Speak: This one is the most interesting part.  Many people choose Mixed – Khichdi ( use of colloquial, ethnic terms) when the listener has no clue, no context, no perspective and they struggle to find meaning into what is being said.  Some feel most comfortable using local language phrases, idioms, cliche’s which they are not so adept at translating and expect the listener to be the know all.  Some take offence being asked to repeat as they mumble or speak their local language mumbo-jumbo which often sound Greek and Roman to listener.  Some speakers are so philosophical that they HAVE to quote the likes of Plato, Aristotle or bring in some Great Poet like Rumi into their conversations that the listener struggles with the meanings all the time. 

For the Slang users I tell them to search Google for Mentor Lyrics in the most explicit language and practice.  They give up after some time saying it is so GROSS ! 🙂

Some are fluent, some speak at 50 w p m and beat Stephen Hawkins while others beat the Ferrari’s and speak 160+ words per minute.  It takes an effort to discipline them and make them audience focused, audience centric and understand those for whom they are speaking.

In all, it is an enjoyable CALM learning technique.

Next I follow up only with the C-Level is : Tell, Sell, Inform, Consult, Advice or Ask – difference in the communication.

For project managers the RACI or RASCI are better  examples of communication and many a times it is the best technique to use with Startups too.

Interesting phrases.

  1. Jack of All Trades Master of NoneMeaning: Having suitable skill in multiple things, but not being an expert in any of them.
  2. On Cloud NineMeaning: Having strong feelings of happiness or satisfaction. 
  3. Scot-freeMeaning: Getting away freely from custody, punishment, or any type of risky situation.
  4. Fish Out Of WaterMeaning: Someone being in a situation that they are unfamiliar or unsuited for.
  5. I Smell a RatMeaning: A feeling that something is not quite right, or awry.
  6. Drawing a BlankMeaning: Failing to recall a memory. Unable to remember something.

What is Art? What is HEAVY?

द्यदालिखति मनः आशावर्तिकाभीः हृदयफलके ।
तत्तद्बाल इव विधिर्निभृतं हसित्वा प्रोञ्छति ॥

Whatever the mind inscribes (paints), with the brushes of desire, on the board of the heart, fate, stealthily smilingly, wipes it all out, like a little child!

भारोऽविवेकिनः शास्त्रं भारो ज्ञानं च रागिणः ।
अशान्तस्य मनो भारः भारोऽनात्मविदो वपुः ॥
– योगवासिष्ठ, वैराग्य

An idiot would find the scriptures heavy.
A person who enjoys worldly pleasures finds knowledge heavy and unbearable.
A restless man finds his mind heavy.
If one does not know his self, he will find his body heavy.

  • Yogavasishta, Vairagya

Feedforward by mentees “One Man Company and 11 in 1 Accomplished Mentor” – A compilation.

This article is also available on LInkedin

I sought a Feedforward from my Mentees, Friends, Peers, Ex-Bosses and Mentors about this article.

The responses have been most overwhelming, challenging and quite motivating.

1,Thank you AVM from Bengaluru for this fabulous feedforward:

Quote “Hello

First of all fantastic compilation of the areas which suits very well to what you are doing currently

Below are my rating

  1. Coach – 10 (Can be one of the best coaches for startups and even top companies, especially with the amount of knowledge you possess with the experiences which you have gone through in life is a great insight for a beginner)
  2. Connector – 10 (Always have seen your eagerness to help after we put across new proposal. The efforts you take to connect with the like minded people will really amaze me always. Kudos to that)

  3. Cheerleader(Exec, startup, Biz) – 10 (Always on A game with the business strategies)

  4. Educator – 10 (Beautiful educator especially the way you connect through your stories. I have had some amazing memories)

  5. Ideator – 10 (This always tops my list. The amount of new ideas you generate on the go after knowing the business is fascinating)

  6. Librarian – 9

  7. Superstart and Idol – 10 (Definetely a great idol and role model for startups)

  8. Challenger – 9 (Have seen instances vey often how to challenge team to get the action done after the strategy meeting)

  9. Teammate – 9 (I have not seen this scenario, so would not like to comment on this. I am sure you would be the best teammate)

  10. Brand – 9 (I liked Jay brand. Surely this goes well and i hope your knowledge reaches to many more lives and impact them immensely)

  11. Coach and Mentor – 10 (Put together all the earlier points)” End Quote.


  1. Thank you SS from Mumbai on WhatsApp for 9/10 rating. Have requested you to share ratings on all points so that I shall take steps to improve.
  2. Thank you JJ for your kind comment Quote ” Why write this yourself why not instead make it like. 11 chapters written by 11 different mentees who would focus on that one trait they found most beneficial – in that showing all facets of your mentoring abilities and skill base . Like in style of the “one minute manager”, EndQuote
  3. A great lady Doctor Dr.SP whose service to humanity is unparalleled wrote in all humility Quote “Thanks sir Personally i feel it is too juvenile for me to answer these questions as you are too good to inspire,stimulate, guide and mentor anyone. We are blessed to have someone of your stature to mentor us.” End Quote.
  4. JK wrote on WhatsApp – Quote “Very Good Sir, Its impressive” End Quote.
  5. YS an Ex-colleague wrote in Marathi Quote ” Khup Chhan AAhe! with Two thumbs Up !”End Quote
  6. VSC wrote from Delhi – Quote” Shall read it thoroughly, As you are one good writer and Very Good Motivator “End quote.
  7. Retd Cdr. RP from Delhi wrote Quote “Thank you Sir, Seems to be a very well thought of and detailed description of your 11 Approaches” End Quote.
  8. My old colleague HP from Mumbai/ Kochi wrote: Quote “I perused. The approaches theory is different. You may want to add a bit more of examples in between. I find people respond more to this. Also after going through it thrice, I find it to be too serious, a bit of humour helps. Also you could reduce the repetition of Jay in the whole content as it seems to be too repetitive especially when the paragraphs are not large. You have also ended it very abruptly. You need to phase it out saying Jay is available on ___ etc etc ” End Quote. I shared the 5 Track Thinking behind the Article and what are my plans in the near future with my Peer HP. And I was delighted when he wrote back “Wow. Now I am tongue-tied. Hats off.” Thank you so much HP for kindly reading the article and sharing your insights, and keeping the Secret !
  9. Dr. (Mrs)S.D. from Pune another peer and Executive Development Trainer and Coach of repute said “Sir it is written very nicely but too lengthy I think”. And I mentioned to her that this is just an Outline of the things to follow and she also agreed “WOW. Look forward to”.
  10. JS my ex boss and Mentor and a very Senior Consultant from UAE / Dubai/ Abu Dhabi commented: Quote” It’s good .not sure of (Approach) No. 8 though That’s something your mentees should be writing Also not sure whether you should position yourselves as small brand. Others good. You could add sounding board and philosopher too.”End Quote Thank you JS for spending your valuable time to read and share your valuable comments.
  11. My Senior Cousin, Ex-General from Army, Ex-VC and Health Advisor to a Reputed University in Pune said “Difficult to Comment”. After clarifying the future plans over phone, as my True Connector Mentor; he asked me to write to him on Monday and agreed to introduce to senior University experts on Entrepreneurship, Startup Cells to discuss and carry my plans forward by seeking their collaboration. He agreed to do the honours! WOW! Thank you Dada!
  12. Mr. BM Mumbai/ Bangalore a current President of a Pharma Co, C-Level Executive Coach and Search consultant of the yesteryears said, Quote”How about (i)using pictures (ii)to weave it into a wonderful story… to begin with?” End Quote. I was privileged to speak to him over phone for 10 minutes to give him the context and plan. His response 👍🏼 “I get the contacts better now”. So there is after all a plan and some mystery surrounding the article
  13. DJ from Bangalore – a friend I found via Linkedin.com and an International Insurance Expert said, Quote “Beautiful. It captures the essence of what a mentor should be.” After sharing the context and plan – his reaction – “WOW! Look forward to”. Thank you DJ for your time and comments.
  14. My last Pro-Bono Mentee who went on a Fast track 55 day gruelling Coaching/Mentoring drive with me sent her scorecard:   Quote “The score to all questions (except 8 and 9) is 8. (about approach No. 8 can’t say for the other mentees. Approach No. 9 (rating is) 6”
  15. Feedforward by SS
    Chief Revenue Officer / Chief Operating Officer / P&L Head- Media, Health Care, Logistics & Supply Chain and Education
    “Mr Parkhe is a wonderful person. He has mentored many people (including myself) who have benefitted immensely by his guidance. Always avaialable to give superb advise when your stuck or in a dilemma. I know of many people who have achieved stupendous success in their lives and careers through Mr Parkhe’s structured and meticulous mentoring. He’s a super coach !”
  16.  By SS a Director

    “Hi sir really a wonderful write up nice narratioN”

    17 By BSK
    Managing Partner at  Text & Print
    “Jay it was intEresting reading your work and business profile we are into sportswear manufacturing specially Football.”

    18.By BSM
    Global C Level Retained Executive Search| Technology & Functional Leadership Hiring | Technology Entrepreneur
    “Great article and an awesome write-up.”

    19 By GK
    Army Veteran experienced in Telecom, Security Management, Training, Administration, Procurement & Logistics
    “Great synopsis….do connect , we manufacture footwear”

    20. By JRI
    Author
    “Jay is what he says he is, eleven rolled into one. Man of kindness and determination. He had a bit of health problem and the way he came back and started his daily walk one should admire. Kindness I find in him and he stands by what he says to all. I find consultants reluctant to direct another to probable end user, is not the case with Jay. There is a plentifulness in this world that he is ready to share with. Good man to follow. Happy he put it in 11 challenges that others face that he can happily resolve. “

    21.By AG
    Vice President, Regional Business Unit Brakes Components, Asia-Pacific – CHINA

    “Very thoughtfully evaluated and described, variety of roles a mentor has to play. Apart from most important and trustful bond between mentor and mentee, mentor also plays vital role to harness technical, functional emotional, social competence to pursue own goals with determination. This all a experienced Dhananjay can well and truly deliver !! All the best”

    22. DG- DELHI

    “HI Sir i read it. Difficult for me to comment. People are multi-dimensional beings. I can’t conceptualise ppl by categorising their traits.
    If i have to talk about someone i will do it in story form talking about how they experience life n see the world n how different the perspective is. HAPPY TO SERVE. “

    23. RS -PUNE – EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR – Top Law Firm and Retired DGP- ED.

    “Excellent write up. Summarises your capabilities pretty well. Keep Going.”

    24 By SG
    Director (Skill Education) PUNE
    “Simply I can see , he is the perfect idol for any entrepreneur. All roles with detailed descriptions is truly Amazing. I personally vouch for his strategic inputs on challenges, funnelling our difficulties, make to understand us on focus of business, conceptual thinking , how to break the glass ceiling , I can give more then 10 marks for each role if it is in my hands”

    Most appreciated SG. You are very kind – Jay

    25.Ms. MK – Mumbai
    Cluster Manager
    “DP Sir as we all call him has been a wonderful guide,coach and a mentor to many of us who have been fortunate to work with him.One person who is always ready to embrace change, learn and apply new things and technically updated.These 11 points are just a synopsis of a bigger personality that he is.”

    26. By PSB

    Chairman of a leading NGO in Karnataka wrote

    Quote”

    Thanks for considering myself to rate your excellency….
    On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being maximum, i would rate yourself at 9.25 over all…
    The reasons for 9.25 being:
    1. Your are creative thinker
    2. Critical thinker
    3. Motivational personality
    4. creates catalyst of mentor development
    5. impulsive nature
    6. Go an extra mile to ensure team grows and achieves the goal
    7. Do excellent background analysis
    8. Resource partner
    The reasons for 0.75 being:
    1. May need some time to analyze Students with their past history
    and maybe through some physiological tests or studies on students which will help you to analyse them better and can groom based on their strength
    2. There is always scope for growth and this 0.75 can help you to build that.
    I feel for our Trust, your mentorship is just too proficient and adroit caliber and we are blessed to have you.”End Quote

In all I received the Ratings from over 100 of my recent mentee.. i wait till 30th April to receive all Feedforward and Scorecard and begin tabulating final scores for my personal improvement and development gap analysis. Meanwhile, There are few bloggers who began following me on www.parkhe.com and were reciprocated on their blogs

Apart from the 250+ personal messages, Smileys, Thumbs Ups, Hi-Fives from busy friends and Mentees and the Likes on the Linkedin Page – these Ladies and Gentlemen who wrote their comments Made my day. Sometimes – even a mentor needs to re-channelise his inward focus and negative energy – OUTWARD and Re-Create one’s own Brand Magic ! Thank you all for your kindness and your valuable time. Most appreciated.

Searching for meaning in life? The Japanese concept of ikigai can help you find it | Big Think

Searching for meaning in your life? This Japanese concept can help you find it
February 6, 2018 by PHILIP PERRY

A map of the ancient Japanese concept of ikigai.
In the post-modernist, Western world, religious life has decreased substantially, patriotism has been replaced with a widespread distrust of the government, and getting ahead has become exceedingly difficult. As a result, more and more people are falling victim to ennui. This dreadful feeling of bitter disillusionment stems from the loss of meaning in their lives.

A lack of purpose can increase the risk of mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression, resulting in poorer sleep, worsening health, and in extreme cases, substance abuse and thoughts of suicide. Some have turned to the East, most recently, to the ancient Japanese concept of ikigai, which means, roughly, “to live the realization one hopes for.” Another interpretation, “that which makes life worth living.” Take note that there’s no exact English translation.

Iki means “life,” whereas gai means “value” or “worth.” Gai comes from the word kai meaning “shell.” This refers back to the Heian period (794 to 1185), when shells were considered valuable. We can interpret ikigai as finding value in one’s life or discovering one’s purpose.

In the West, self-help gurus and movements of one flavor or another have come and gone, and in the wake of each, though often lighter in the pocket, few of their participants find real solace. Perhaps rather than happiness, which is generally momentary and fleeting, we should seek a purposeful life. Exploring the concept of ikigai and the questions that come with it, can help one find a solid purpose and through this, contentment and drive.

The whole concept has been boiled down to four questions:

1) What do you love?

2) What are you good at?

3) What does the world need from you?

4) What can you get paid for?

Here’s a handy Venn diagram:

Credit: Twitter.

If you’re retired, you may not have to worry about what you can be paid for, so you can delete that one and focus on the remaining three. The idea is not only to find your purpose but the proper balance between all aspects surrounding it. Another consideration, one’s ikigai doesn’t affect the individual alone.

For the Japanese, the concept has a social element. It’s about getting comfortable with your role in your family, job, and society. It’s traditionally split along gender lines. While men usually associate their ikigai with their work and career, women (at least traditionally) associate it with motherhood and their role in the family. And even though ikigai has recently become the latest New Age buzzword in the West, this doesn’t make it any less effective for those who find themselves at a crossroads, with no sign to guide them.

via Searching for meaning in life? The Japanese concept of ikigai can help you find it | Big Think

One Man Company and 11 in 1 Accomplished Mentor – Jay Parkhe

We are all a One Man Company. Jay is A Complete FootBall/ Cricket/ Hockey Team Rolled into one as an Accomplished Mentor

1. Jay is a Coach. ( For Executives / StartPreneura / Businessman/Woman):

When you need to have older, wiser person around, who is better attuned to your industry and job, Jay can coach you through tough moments, think big picture on projects and ideas, and helps Mentees solve work-related problems. Coach is  required when you need someone to help you think-through difficult problems. A good coach doesn’t solve problems; they help you see both the problem and your role clearly. They do this by observing, listening, asking focused questions, reflecting back, and challenging. Coaches can suggest strategies for solving problems you may not have considered, and can help you think “bigger picture” on ideas and possible solutions.

2. Jay is a Connector – All Mentees need this. 

There is an old saying, “It’s all about who you know?” Well, it’s who you know — along with who they know, and to whom they are willing to introduce you. Jay willingly opens up his network to help move an entrepreneur and his or her business forward. Whether it’s staking his own credibility on helping find a first customer who’s willing to take a risk on the unproven entity, or making that connection to a critical hire, Connector Jay is one of the most valuable mentoring assets a startup can have. People are generally inward looking. Connector Jay is outward-facing (makes you do a short exercise with your thumbs too which is his trademark style). Jay’s  satisfaction comes from helping people meet each other. Jay has met a half dozen true connectors in life and without them, he would not have had as much success. Nobody knows why Jay loves connecting people, but this sharing traits comes from  having bountiful amounts of energy and loving new ideas. Jay is a networker for 15 years of Social Media and has a wide and very deep network of people who all respect me and they often «get things done.» If you meet one of these people, hang on. (He may be prove to be your GodFather moment! 🙂 

Jay is also an expert on Social media, Blogging and Networking and has spent 15 years in self-learning.  He offers valuable tips, technology help, productivity support thru web tools he has tested over the years. 

3. Jay is a Challenger – For StartPreneurs, Business People, Social Enterprises.

Jay is not a mentor you’ll be spending New Year’s Eve with because he is there to call bullsh– on a lot of things that will sometimes make you uncomfortable. But that’s OK. If you want lots of happy talk, call your Mom. She will love everything you do. If you want to grow, you will want some challengers in your life who will tell you when they think you’re doing something wrong or if an idea just plain sucks. They’re the ones who, after you call the Cheerleader about your great idea, will tell you a dozen ways why it won’t work unless you do X, Y, and Z. This criticism, if it comes from the right place, will set you on the right path. Challenger Jay is super smart and super fast–:) he often doesn’t have a lot of time so you’ll find he’ll give his dose of advice quickly and move on. Call on Jay only when you need him. He is not an ATM – Any Time Mentor!  An entrepreneur’s drive needs to come from within, but many of us also need a healthy push to heighten our sense of passion and urgency and keep us moving forward. The Challenger’s role is to push an entrepreneur to put in the hard work, to sweat the details that matter, to hit key milestones and to outwork his/her competition. It’s also The Challenger’s responsibility to confront assumptions and ask the tough questions that ultimately prevent an entrepreneur from making costly errors.

4. Jay is a Cheerleader – Executives, StarUps, Businesses.

You remember the people whom you can call after getting a big promotion and they will be as thrilled for you as your mother. And believe me, nobody will ever be as thrilled as Mom. In a cutthroat world, you need people who will genuinely be happy for you and who will be there when everyone else has left–i.e., after your company has gone bankrupt. Jay is one person like this who will sends encouraging texts or takes calls immediately if you are having a particularly bad day. Sometimes that’s all you need to get you through. You don’t need too many people like this–sometimes one is just enough, but this person is your rock.

Cheerleader Jay can give an entrepreneur the motivation and energy needed to persevere. That energy is also found in a supportive spouse, parent or in good friends, but it really helps to have someone with relevant experience and credibility say, “You can do this.”

5.Jay is an Educator – An Advisor for Business People 

Jay was a Visiting B School Faculty for 15 years and and Advisor to Two New Educational Institutes and three Skills Development companies. As an Educator:  Starting a business is the steepest learning curve anyone can experience. The tests of building a business are frequent — and lessons are ongoing. Educator is someone who sees in an entrepreneur a desire to learn and is willing to sit down and teach him/her when needed. From business basics to complex ideas and practices, they’ll take the time to understand knowledge gaps and help entrepreneurs avoid the costly mistakes that can be caused by being too proud to ask for help or advice. Educator is a person who takes the time to sit down and share their expertise with those who want to learn. Educators love to help others by sharing their wisdom. They want to see everyone succeed!

6. Jay is an Ideator – StartUp, Running Businesses, C-Level Executive Coach

Jay is a Creative Thinker, Critical Thinker, Lateral Thinker and also an Elastic Thinker = The Ideator Jay asks you Are you dreaming big enough? Are you being as creative as you can be? When an entrepreneur is buried in executing day-to-day tasks and sweating the small stuff in the trenches, taking the time to pause and survey the bigger picture is critical for keeping a business moving in the right direction. The Ideator loves to play the role of thought partner which Jay calls as Accountability Partner a term he borrows from his Mentor and Coach Dr. Marshall Goldsmith as an entrepreneur thinks critically about how to build a creative and differentiated business

7. Jay the Librarian – Executives, StartUps, Businesses,

Jay is a powerhouse of knowledge and experience. He is a walking encyclopedia on subjects he likes and has invested his time to learn more, informally. As you navigate through life, it’s helpful to be able to pull from various resources to help you get along. The Librarian has a wealth of information on your community, clubs, organizations and support systems. They know a resource for almost any need and are aware of where to go to get questions answered or to get things done.

8.Jay the Super Star and Idol to many of his Mentees – Executives, StartUps

We need to find people who we admire. People who are living parts of ourf life in a way you aspire to, or who currently have the career that you want to have. Spend time with them and get to know their routines, their resources, how they go about their days. While their way is not the only way, you can gain valuable insight into steps you might want to take to get you closer to your goals!

9.Jay can be your Teammate – Executives, StartUps, Businesses

Some days you just need an awesome listener. Someone to remind you that it’s okay; tomorrow is another day. A good teammate realizes that you aren’t always looking for a solution to your problem, or a motivational speech to spur you on. You just need someone to listen with a sympathetic ear, and then allow you to move on.

10. Jay is a small brand – Startups and Businesses. Social enterprises.

with image, reputation and following – I support your Brand Story development by sharing my successes and failures transparently and helping you find your own answers in moments of Crisis. Jay helps entrepreneurs Dream Big – Define their Vision, Set their Mission, Goals, Objectives, Action Plans by working on a Long and Mid Term Strategy for their businesses. He then helps them to begin execution by drawing up a Project Management dummy set up with timelines, deadlines, Reviews, course correction etc.

Not all Jay’s mentees need his Entire gamut of skills.  They sometimes pick and choose specific ones to save time, energy and effort or duplication.

  1. Jay is a Non-Playing Captain, Coach and Mentor

Jay takes an impassionate, detached, cold look at the business as it passes thru its crisis, turnaround, loss  making phases and offers to work with the team to find solutions by brainstorming, creative thinking technique. His methods are unique, they do stand the test of time eventhough they may not have been tested in your industry.

Interesting Philosophies

Nihilism (/ˈnaɪ(h)ɪlɪzəm, ˈniː-/; from Latin nihil, meaning ‘nothing’) is the philosophical viewpoint that suggests the denial or lack of belief towards the reputedly meaningful aspects of life. Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism, which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.[1] Moral nihilists assert that there is no inherent morality, and that accepted moral values are abstractly contrived. Nihilism may also take epistemological, ontological, or metaphysical forms, meaning respectively that, in some aspect, knowledge is not possible, or reality does not actually exist.

The term is sometimes used in association with anomie to explain the general mood of despair at a perceived pointlessness of existence that one may develop upon realising there are no necessary norms, rules, or laws.[2]

Nihilism has also been described as conspicuous in or constitutive of certain historical periods: for example, Jean Baudrillard and others have called postmodernity a nihilistic epoch;[3] and some religious theologians and figures of religious authority have asserted that postmodernity[4] and many aspects of modernity[5] represent a rejection of theism, and that such rejection of theistic doctrine entails nihilism.

via Nihilism – Wikipedia

At 12, I was already a Single Parent kid, having lost my father and a child labour trying to find ways to earn to find my personal identity and dignity of labour.

I found a mentor who taught me some of these 100, 200 years old Greeko Roman Philosophies which I learnt but forgot in the ensuing years of learning to survive, find status, make a family etc. etc.

As a Mentor, I did come across some pseudo Nihilists which I shall describe in coming posts. Pure Nihilists do not exist. They change with times.  The famous saying of Henry David Thoreau = “Things don’t change, We Change” , aptly describes a Nihilist.  Many of Nihilists I have met have self fulfilling Rules, Truths, morality which they make and change to suit themselves while denouncing those who try and impose upon them the socially established norms of behaviour such as sympathy, empathy, gratitude, conformity, obedience, non-diffidence but the pseudo Nihilist displays tendencies of Memory of convenience, Logic of Convenience to suit themselves and justifies it with Nihilism.

Such people deserve, deep peeling of their layers of masks painfully without even offering them plastic surgery as they need full and complete exposure in public for their misdeeds, misbehaviour, misdemeanour and hideous, hypocritic behaviour which can be detrimental to the people (including do-gooders) or the society in general.

 

Nihilistic’s delusion

nihilistic delusion
Also found in: Dictionary, Thesaurus, Legal, Encyclopedia, Wikipedia.
Related to nihilistic delusion: delusion of poverty, delusion of negation, Cotard Syndrome
delusion [dĕ-loo´zhun]
a false belief that is firmly maintained in spite of incontrovertible and obvious proof to the contrary and in spite of the fact that other members of the culture do not share the belief. adj., adj delu´sional.
bizarre delusion one that is patently absurd, with no possible basis in fact.
delusion of control the delusion that one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions are not one’s own but are being imposed by someone else or some other external force.
depressive delusion a delusion that is congruent with a predominant depressed mood, such as a delusion of serious illness, poverty, or spousal infidelity.
erotomanic delusion a delusional conviction that some other person, usually of higher status and often famous, is in love with the individual; it is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.
fragmentary d’s unconnected delusions not organized around a coherent theme.
delusion of grandeur (grandiose delusion) delusional conviction of one’s own importance, power, or knowledge, or that one is, or has a special relationship with, a deity or a famous person. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.
delusion of jealousy a delusional belief that one’s spouse or lover is unfaithful, based on erroneous inferences drawn from innocent events imagined to be evidence and often resulting in confrontation with the accused. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.
mixed delusion one in which no central theme predominates. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.
delusion of negation (nihilistic delusion) a depressive delusion that the self, part of the self, part of the body, other persons, or the whole world has ceased to exist.
paranoid d’s an older term for delusion of grandeur and delusion of persecution; its use is discouraged.
delusion of persecution a delusion that one is being attacked, harassed, cheated, persecuted, or conspired against. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.
delusion of reference a delusional conviction that ordinary events, objects, or behaviors of others have particular and unusual meanings specifically for oneself.
somatic delusion a delusion that there is some alteration in a bodily organ or its function. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.
systematized d’s a group of delusions organized around a common theme; typical of delusional disorders or paranoid schizophrenia.
Miller-Keane Encyclopedia and Dictionary of Medicine, Nursing, and Allied Health, Seventh Edition. © 2003 by Saunders, an imprint of Elsevier, Inc. All rights reserved.
de·lu·sion of ne·ga·tion
a delusion in which one imagines that the world and all that relates to it have ceased to exist.
Synonym(s): nihilistic delusion
Farlex Partner Medical Dictionary © Farlex 2012
nihilistic delusion
[nī′hilis′tik]
Etymology: L, nihil, nothing, icus, form of, deludere, to deceive
a persistent denial of the existence of particular things or of everything, including oneself, as seen in various forms of schizophrenia. A person who has such a delusion may believe that he or she lives in a shadow or limbo world or that he or she died several years ago and that only the spirit, in a vaporous form, really exists. See also delusion.
Mosby’s Medical Dictionary, 9th edition. © 2009, Elsevier.
A rare delusional disorder linked to depression, suicidal ideation, sleep deprivation or derealisation, in which a person believes he/she is dead or dying, doesn’t exist, is putrefying, or has lost his/her blood or internal organs
Management Tricyclic antidepressants, serotoninergics
Segen’s Medical Dictionary. © 2012 Farlex, Inc. All rights reserved.

via Nihilistic delusion | definition of nihilistic delusion by Medical dictionary

Nihilistic’s Delusion

nihilistic delusion

Related to nihilistic delusion: delusion of poverty, delusion of negation, Cotard Syndrome
delusion
a false belief that is firmly maintained in spite of incontrovertible and obvious proof to the contrary and in spite of the fact that other members of the culture do not share the belief. adj., adj delusional.
bizarre delusion one that is patently absurd, with no possible basis in fact.

delusion of control the delusion that one’s thoughts, feelings, and actions are not one’s own but are being imposed by someone else or some other external force.

depressive delusion a delusion that is congruent with a predominant depressed mood, such as a delusion of serious illness, poverty, or spousal infidelity.

erotomanic delusion a delusional conviction that some other person, usually of higher status and often famous, is in love with the individual; it is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.

fragmentary d’s unconnected delusions not organized around a coherent theme.

delusion of grandeur (grandiose delusion) delusional conviction of one’s own importance, power, or knowledge, or that one is, or has a special relationship with, a deity or a famous person. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.

delusion of jealousy a delusional belief that one’s spouse or lover is unfaithful, based on erroneous inferences drawn from innocent events imagined to be evidence and often resulting in confrontation with the accused. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.

mixed delusion one in which no central theme predominates. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.

delusion of negation (nihilistic delusion) a depressive delusion that the self, part of the self, part of the body, other persons, or the whole world has ceased to exist.

paranoid d’s an older term for delusion of grandeur and delusion of persecution; its use is discouraged.

delusion of persecution a delusion that one is being attacked, harassed, cheated, persecuted, or conspired against. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.

delusion of reference a delusional conviction that ordinary events, objects, or behaviors of others have particular and unusual meanings specifically for oneself.

somatic delusion a delusion that there is some alteration in a bodily organ or its function. It is one of the subtypes of delusional disorder.

systematized d’s a group of delusions organized around a common theme; typical of delusional disorders or paranoid schizophrenia.

de·lu·sion of ne·ga·tion
a delusion in which one imagines that the world and all that relates to it have ceased to exist.
Synonym(s): nihilistic delusion

Etymology: L, nihil, nothing, icus, form of, deludere, to deceive
a persistent denial of the existence of particular things or of everything, including oneself, as seen in various forms of schizophrenia.

A person who has such a delusion may believe that he or she lives in a shadow or limbo world or that he or she died several years ago and that only the spirit, in a vaporous form, really exists. See also delusion.

A rare delusional disorder linked to depression, suicidal ideation, sleep deprivation or derealisation, in which a person believes he/she is dead or dying, doesn’t exist, is putrefying, or has lost his/her blood or internal organs
\

It is ” rarest of rare” for a Mentor to get a Nihilist as Mentee and it is even more difficult to find the kind of delusions the mentee has about him/herself.  It requires not just watching, but deeply observing the behavioural patterns and deep probe / exploration, observing of the biorhythms that the Mentor comes to know and can rationalise the behaviours on display.

Mentor advice – Walk away. Let the psychotherapists do their job as mentors are mentors – not NLP, Hypnotists, Doctors least of all psychotherapists. They must use all their skills to walk away without causing any negative reactions or a STATE that becomes difficult for even the therapists to handle.

Erotomanic delusions

Erotomania is a type of delusional disorder where the affected person believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger.
Erotomania – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania

Can stress make you delusional?
Abnormalities in the functioning of brain regions that control perception and thinking may be linked to the formation of delusional symptoms. Environmental/psychological: Evidence suggests that delusional disorder can be triggered by stress. Alcohol and drug abuse also might contribute to the condition.May 18, 2016
Delusional Disorder: Types & Causes of Mental Delusions – WebMD
https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/guide/delusional-disorder
Search for: Can stress make you delusional?
Is delusional disorder the same as schizophrenia?

What is delusional jealousy?
Pathological jealousy, also known as Morbid jealousy, Othello syndrome or delusional jealousy, is a psychological disorder in which a person is preoccupied with the thought that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful without having any real proof, along with socially unacceptable or abnormal behaviour …
Pathological jealousy – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_jealousy

What is a nihilistic delusion?
In the delusion that things (or everything, including the self) do not exist; a sense that everything is unreal. Synonyms: nihilism Type of: delusion, psychotic belief. (psychology) an erroneous belief that is held in the face of evidence to the contrary.
nihilistic delusion – Dictionary Definition : Vocabulary.com
https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/nihilistic%20delusion

Erotomania – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania
Erotomania is a type of delusional disorder where the affected person believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger.

via erotomanic delusions – Google Search

In mentoring sometimes one comes across many cases which show several symptoms or the Mentee himself keeps sharing the symptoms Or the mentee keeps sending behavioural overt or covert signals, cues, prompts, triggers, strong elbow nudges to the Mentor to discern the patterns and in rare cases overtly admits the scientific name given to their mental disease.

The mentor is then advised to quietly move one without causing any further damage to the affected individual.

Killing Thrills

Thrill Killing is the act of committing murder for no reason other than self-satisfaction or to receive either a sexual or emotional “high” – due to the fact Thrill Killers often target complete strangers and have sadistic personalities that involve torturing and dehumanizing their victims as well as the fact they commit extreme crimes for no reason other than personal enjoyment they are the most feared and hated kind of killers.

Thrill Killing has been blamed in modern times on violent media such as video games, access to pornography on the internet and a “modern world of sin” mentality – in reality however the modern world has not seen an increase in Thrilling Killing, it is simply being exposed to a larger audience than it was in the past.

Thrill Killing is a classic sign of sociopathic behavior and can also involve the torture and murder of animals, as many Thrill Killer pick targets they believe will not fight back and who can be easily “snuffed out”.

Thrill Killers are often stereotyped as vicious teenage males and although this is sadly the truth for many not all Thrill Killers are roaming gangs of young males.

Many Thrill Killers enjoy collecting videos and pictures of their actions and some go as far as releasing them in the hopes of gaining infamy for themselves – although the rise of media sites and video-sharing has once again been blamed for this behavior the practice is much older than the internet (for example Jack the Ripper frequently left notes taunting the police, presumably for thrills – the most infamous of which is the “Letter From Hell”).

via Thrill Killing | Real Life Villains Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia

QOTD

Benjamin Jowett

“Never retreat. Never explain. Get it done and let them howl.”

via Today’s Quote https://ift.tt/2vkJzau April 16, 2018 at 10:35AM
via RSS Feed https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/benjamin_jowett


P. J. O’Rourke

“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.”

via Today’s Quote https://ift.tt/2mME5kK April 17, 2018 at 10:32AM
via RSS Feed https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/p_j_orourke


Oscar Wilde

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”

via Today’s Quote https://ift.tt/2EgFSmI April 19, 2018 at 10:37AM
via RSS Feed https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/oscar_wilde


Isaac Asimov

“There is a single light of science, and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere.”

via Today’s Quote https://ift.tt/2BiEixS April 20, 2018 at 10:34AM
via RSS Feed https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/isaac_asimov


Ingrid Bergman

“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.”

via Today’s Quote https://ift.tt/2K4oy7a April 21, 2018 at 10:39AM
via RSS Feed https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/ingrid_bergman


Leo Buscaglia

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”

via Today’s Quote https://ift.tt/2hNhxyf April 22, 2018 at 10:34AM
via RSS Feed https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/leo_buscaglia

At My Age, We Don’t Slow Down. We Speed Up !

I am a Senior Citizen. We don’t need any qualification to become one . Just live 60 years of life and you become one 🙂

Many of mentees/Coachees complain to me that they can not cope up with Jay. He is too fast paced and his Speed of delivery is phenomenal.  Jay spent good 25 years in the Speedy, Express Delivery business with TNT and in his own Enterprise.  It has to have its impact on his life. But the point of this article is not that. It is a wonderful quote I read from The World Tennis Champion which is very motivating:

“At my age, I see the finish line. And when you see the finish line, you don’t slow down. You speed up.” —Serena Williams

I have watched her and her sister play Tennis on TV and their Speed, Stamina, aplomb, Self Confidence and the Spirit to Win is phenomenal.

 

Jay’s Master Mentor Class

As a Mentor I start with the belief that :

The Master Appears when the Pupil is ready.

  • When the Mentor is willing to be fully Transparent and willing to Reveal him/herself to the Mentee in full.
  • When the mentor is Selfless,
  • When the Mentor is Detached yet attached,
  • When the Mentor is Involved yet committed.
  • True Mentor is Provocative one,unafraid of Taking it to the extremes to re-channelise the Mentee’s negative energies in the Right Path/ Direction shown
  • True Mentor is Unpredictable and creates a Surprise element in his Tools, Techniques, Methods and at some stage is Ruthless, Brutal to make the Mentee know the Reality.
  • The successful mentor changes his tracks often like a RailRoad and uses different speeds in Mentoring Process to make the mentee sometimes Derail with his/her past baggage.

Magic Happens !

“If you work with a master mentor like Jay , you’ll get there Faster, Better Still Better and be Ready to Beat the Best – including your Enemy Within!”

Why People behave the way they do -Why people do what they do

In IMDR’s 1988 HR class Prof. Deven Dhanak used to refer to this statement “Why people behave the way they do “and used to talk about Chrys Argyris theories around them.

Over the years when I joined NHRDN I found the same question was relevant even in 1993.

When I reflect in my pre-retirement period and the discussions with HR thinkers – they were very quietly talking about HR Makeover or transformation and at the core of discussion this them would always be present.

I subscribe to a newsletter and I read this short article which I am quoting below:

People will only ever do something to

  1. the very best of their ability because they want to –
  2. because they choose to.(And
  3. people live to change –
  4. we just hate to be changed by others)

Exactly what people do depends on the

  • choices they believe that they have at that moment in time, which depends on their
  • own self-esteem and past experiences.

They then

  1. choose that which will move them fastest towards pleasure –
  2. what they do want – or
  3. fastest away from pain – what they don’t want. 

Usually they choose a short term outcome instead of one further in the future.

So now you know – make use of this knowledge to the good of others and yourself.”

David Taylor is a global speaker and best selling author of ‘The Naked Leader trilogy’ Naked Leader – What we do – Leadership that makes and saves you money, by ensuring that you make the fast, lasting and measurable choices you really need to make

Via Newsletter BrainPickings I like.

The Life of the Mind: Hannah Arendt on Thinking vs. Knowing and the Crucial Difference Between Truth and Meaning
“To lose the appetite for meaning we call thinking and cease to ask unanswerable questions [would be to] lose not only the ability to produce those thought-things that we call works of art but also the capacity to ask all the answerable questions upon which every civilization is founded.”
BY MARIA POPOVA
In 1973, Hannah Arendt became the first woman to speak at the prestigious Gifford Lectures — an annual series established in 1888 aiming “to promote and diffuse the study of natural theology in the widest sense of the term,” bridging science, philosophy, and spirituality, an ancient quest of enduring urgency to this day. Over the years, the Gifford Lectures have drawn such celebrated minds as William James, Werner Heisenberg, Niels Bohr, Iris Murdoch, and Carl Sagan, whose 1985 lecture was later published as the spectacular posthumous volume Varieties of Scientific Experience. Arendt’s own lecture was later expanded and published as The Life of the Mind (public library), an immeasurably stimulating exploration of thinking — a process we take for so obvious and granted as to be of no interest, yet one bridled with complexities and paradoxes that often keep us from seeing the true nature of reality. With extraordinary intellectual elegance, Arendt draws “a distinguishing line between truth and meaning, between knowing and thinking,” and makes a powerful case for the importance of that line in the human experience.

via The Life of the Mind: Hannah Arendt on Thinking vs. Knowing and the Crucial Difference Between Truth and Meaning – Brain Pickings

The Life of the Mind: Hannah Arendt on Thinking vs. Knowing and the Crucial Difference Between Truth and Meaning

“To lose the appetite for meaning we call thinking and cease to ask unanswerable questions [would be to] lose not only the ability to produce those thought-things that we call works of art but also the capacity to ask all the answerable questions upon which every civilization is founded.”

In 1973, Hannah Arendt became the first woman to speak at the prestigious Gifford Lectures — an annual series established in 1888 aiming “to promote and diffuse the study of natural theology in the widest sense of the term,” bridging science, philosophy, and spirituality, an ancient quest of enduring urgency to this day. Over the years, the Gifford Lectures have drawn such celebrated minds as William James, Werner Heisenberg, Niels Bohr, Iris Murdoch, and Carl Sagan, whose 1985 lecture was later published as the spectacular posthumous volume Varieties of Scientific Experience. Arendt’s own lecture was later expanded and published as The Life of the Mind (public library), an immeasurably stimulating exploration of thinking — a process we take for so obvious and granted as to be of no interest, yet one bridled with complexities and paradoxes that often keep us from seeing the true nature of reality. With extraordinary intellectual elegance, Arendt draws “a distinguishing line between truth and meaning, between knowing and thinking,” and makes a powerful case for the importance of that line in the human experience.

Hannah Arendt by Fred Stein, 1944 (Photograph courtesy of the Fred Stein Archive)

Arendt considers how thinking links the vita activa, or active life, and the vita contemplativa, or contemplative mind, touching on Montaigne’s dual meaning of meditation, and traces the evolution of this relationship as society moved from religious to scientific dogma:

Thinking aims at and ends in contemplation, and contemplation is not an activity but a passivity; it is the point where mental activity comes to rest. According to traditions of Christian time, when philosophy had become the handmaiden of theology, thinking became meditation, and meditation again ended in contemplation, a kind of blessed state of the soul where the mind was no longer stretching out to know the truth but, in anticipation of a future state, received it temporarily in intuition… With the rise of the modern age, thinking became chiefly the handmaiden of science, of organized knowledge; and even though thinking then grew extremely active, following modernity’s crucial conviction that I can know only what I myself make, it was Mathematics, the non-empirical science par excellence, wherein the mind appears to play only with itself, that turned out to be the Science of sciences, delivering the key to those laws of nature and the universe that are concealed by appearances.

The disciplines called metaphysics or philosophy, Arendt notes, came to inhabit the world beyond sense-perceptions and appearances, while science claimed the world of common-sense reasoning and perceptions validated by empirical means. The latter is plagued by “the scandal of reason” — the idea that “our mind is not capable of certain and verifiable knowledge regarding matters and questions that it nevertheless cannot help thinking about.” (Four decades later, Sam Harris would capture this beautifully“There is more to understanding the human condition than science and secular culture generally admit.”) But Arendt is most intensely concerned with the world we inhabit when we surrender to thought:

What are we “doing” when we do nothing but think? Where are we when we, normally always surrounded by our fellow-men, are together with no one but ourselves?

Illustration by Jean-François Martin from The Memory Elephant by Sophie Strady.

To begin solving this riddle, Arendt turns to Kant’s famous distinction between Verstand, or intellect, which seeks to grasp what the senses perceive, and Vernunft, or reason, which is concerned with the higher-order desire for understanding the deeper meaning behind such sensory input; while intellect is driven by cognition, reason is concerned with the unknowable. He memorably wrote:

The aim of metaphysics… is to extend, albeit only negatively, our use of reason beyond the limitations of the sensorily given world, that is, to eliminate the obstacles by which reason hinders itself.

Arendt unpacks Kant’s legacy and its enduring paradox, which plays out just as vibrantly in our ever-timely struggle to differentiate between wisdom and knowledge:

The great obstacle that reason (Vernunft) puts in its own way arises from the side of the intellect (Verstand) and the entirely justified criteria it has established for its own purposes, that is, for quenching our thirst, and meeting our need, for knowledge and cognition… The need of reason is not inspired by the quest for truth but by the quest for meaning. And truth and meaning are not the same. The basic fallacy, taking precedence over all specific metaphysical fallacies, is to interpret meaning on the model of truth.

Hannah Arendt c. 1966 (Photograph courtesy of the Hannah Arendt Bluecher Literary Trust)

This vital distinction between truth and meaning is also found in the fault line between science and common sense. Arendt considers how science’s over-reliance on Verstand might give rise to the very reductionism that becomes science’s greatest obstacle to tussling with the unknowable:

Something very similar seems, at first glance, to be true of the modern scientist who constantly destroys authentic semblances without, however, destroying his own sensation of reality, telling him, as it tells us, that the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening. It was thinking that enabled men to penetrate the appearances and unmask them as semblances, albeit authentic ones; common-sense reasoning would never have dared to upset so radically all the plausibilities of our sensory apparatus… Thinking, no doubt, plays an enormous role in every scientific enterprise, but it is the role of a means to an end; the end is determined by a decision about what is worthwhile knowing, and this decision cannot be scientific.

This sounds remarkably like the notion of moral wisdom — the necessarily subjective values-based framework that, by its very nature, transcends the realm of science and absolute truth, rising to the level of relative meaning. Adding to history’s finest definitions of science, Arendt writes:

The end is cognition or knowledge, which, having been obtained, clearly belongs to the world of appearances; once established as truth, it becomes part and parcel of the world. Cognition and the thirst for knowledge never leave the world of appearances altogether; if the scientists withdraw from it in order to “think,” it is only in order to find better, more promising approaches, called methods, toward it. Science in this respect is but an enormously refined prolongation of common-sense reasoning in which sense illusions are constantly dissipated just as errors in science are corrected. The criterion in both cases is evidence, which as such is inherent in a world of appearances. And since it is in the very nature of appearances to reveal and to conceal, every correction and every dis-illusion “is the loss of one evidence only because it is the acquisition of another evidence, in the words of Merleau-Ponty. Nothing, even in science’s own understanding of the scientific enterprise, guarantees that the new evidence will prove to be more reliable than the discarded evidence.

And therein lies the paradox of science — the idea that its aim is to dispel ignorance with knowledge, but it is also, at its best, driven wholly by ignorance. In a sentiment that Carl Sagan would come to echo twelve years later in his own Gifford lecture — “If we ever reach the point where we think we thoroughly understand who we are and where we came from, we will have failed.” — Arendt writes:

The very concept of an unlimited progress, which accompanied the rise of modern science, and has remained its dominant inspiring principle, is the best documentation of the fact that all science still moves within the realm of common sense experience, subject to corrigible error and deception. When the experience of constant correction in scientific research is generalized, it leads into the curious “better and better,” “truer and truer,” that is, into the boundlessness of progress with its inherent admission that the good and the true are unattainable. If they were ever attained, the thirst for knowledge would be quenched and the search for cognition would come to an end.

Illustration from The Lion and the Bird by Marianne Dubuc

In considering this “illusion of a never-ending process — the process of progress,” she returns to Kant’s crucial distinction between reason and intellect:

The questions raised by our thirst for knowledge arise from our curiosity about the world, our desire to investigate whatever is given to our sensory apparatus… The questions raised by the desire to know are in principle all answerable by common-sense experience and common-sense reasoning; they are exposed to corrigible error and illusion in the same way as sense perceptions and experiences. Even the relentlessness of modern science’s Progress, which constantly corrects itself by discarding the answers and reformulating the questions, does not contradict science’s basic goal — to see and to know the world as it is given to the senses — and its concept of truth is derived from the common-sense experience of irrefutable evidence, which dispels error and illusion. But the questions raised by thinking and which it is in reason’s very nature to raise — questions of meaning — are all unanswerable by common sense and the refinement of it we call science. The quest for meaning is “meaningless” to common sense and common-sense reasoning because it is the sixth sense’s function to fit us into the world of appearances and make us at home in the world given by our five senses; there we are and no questions asked.

This disconnect between the common-sense criteria of science and the quest for meaning, Arendt argues, reverts to the original question of thinking and the limitations of “truth”:

To expect truth to come from thinking signifies that we mistake the need to think with the urge to know. Thinking can and must be employed in the attempt to know, but in the exercise of this function it is never itself; it is but the handmaiden of an altogether different enterprise.

Hannah Arendt by Fred Stein, 1944 (Photograph courtesy of the Fred Stein Archive)

Arendt’s most poignant point explores what that enterprise might be, speaking to the power of asking good questions and the idea that getting lost is how we find meaning:

By posing the unanswerable questions of meaning, men establish themselves as question-asking beings. Behind all the cognitive questions for which men find answers, there lurk the unanswerable ones that seem entirely idle and have always been denounced as such. It is more than likely that men, if they were ever to lose the appetite for meaning we call thinking and cease to ask unanswerable questions, would lose not only the ability to produce those thought-things that we call works of art but also the capacity to ask all the answerable questions upon which every civilization is founded… While our thirst for knowledge may be unquenchable because of the immensity of the unknown, the activity itself leaves behind a growing treasure of knowledge that is retained and kept in store by every civilization as part and parcel of its world. The loss of this accumulation and of the technical expertise required to conserve and increase it inevitably spells the end of this particular world.

The whole of The Life of the Mind is a remarkable feat of intellectual grace. Complement it with the art of reflection and fruitful curiosity, then revisit these animated thoughts on wisdom in the age of information.

What is Empirical evidence

Empirical evidence – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empirical_evidence
Empirical evidence, also known as sensory experience, is the information received by means of the senses, particularly by observation and documentation of patterns and behavior through experimentation. The term comes from the Greek word for experience,

via what is empirical evidence – Google Search

Critical Thinking

critical thinking
The goal of critical thinking is to arrive at the most reasonable beliefs and take the most reasonable actions. We have evolved, however, not to seek the truth, but to survive and reproduce. Critical thinking is an unnatural act. By nature, we’re driven to confirm and defend our current beliefs, even to the point of irrationality. We are prone to reject evidence that conflicts with our beliefs and to attack those who offer such evidence.

via topical index: critical thinking – The Skeptic’s Dictionary – Skepdic.com

What is Thinking?

Psychologists have concentrated on thinking as an intellectual exertion aimed at finding an answer to a question or the solution of a practical problem. Cognitive psychology is a branch of psychology that investigates internal mental processes such as problem solving, memory, and language.

thinking
ˈθɪŋkɪŋ/
noun
noun: thinking
  1. 1.
    the process of considering or reasoning about something.
    “the selectors have some thinking to do before the match”
    • a person’s ideas or opinions.
      “his thinking is reflected in his later autobiography”
      synonyms: reasoning, idea(s), theory, thoughts, line of thoughtphilosophy, beliefs; More

       
    • archaic
      thoughts; meditations.
      plural noun: thinkings
      “I am wrap’d in dismal thinkings”
adjective
adjective: thinking
  1. 1.
    using thought or rational judgement; intelligent.
    “he seemed a thinking man”
    synonyms: intelligentsensiblereasonablerationalreasoningMore

     
    antonyms: stupidirrational
    Who is a Slow Thinker?
    In his latest book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman describes two types ofthinkers. System 1 thinkers operate automatically and quickly, with little sense of voluntary control, and little or no effort. … Kahneman describes President Obama as a System 2 thinker. “He is a slow thinker.Sep 24, 2012

    Slow Thinking Is Wise Thinking – Association for Psychological Science

    https://www.psychologicalscience.org/video/slow-thinking-is-wise-thinking.html
     
    What is a slow thinker?
    Most people are not x10 thinkers. It’s not because of their brain but because of their brain software. Many people are slow thinkers, not because they are short on brainpower, but because they’re using very sluggish, outdated brain software that favors only the left half of their brain.

    Why are some thinkers slow thinkers?

    Of course, there are some who struggle with various cognitive challenges. However, being a slow thinker is not always an indication of a lack of intelligence as many assume. Introverts often tend to think more slowly than extroverts.
    My own sense is Thinking is all about asking Questions. Ability to ask questions.  I have read that Questions are never stupid – the answers usually are.  Questioning, asking right questions is an ability of a curious mind in search of new knowledge, questioning could also lead to Challenging with or without provocation.
    A Mentor Provokes by asking difficult questions, challenging the minds of the brightest and the slowest.  The response may be slow or fast – the outcomes are what are more important for the mentor.
    Hence – iMHO a Questioning mind is a fertile brain which needs the fertilizer, growth promoters, micronutrients and prophylaxis controls by Mentors at different stages.   Good mentors also know when to apply Growth inhibitors for overly active brains as they lead you away from your focus. If you can Question – You can Think is my humble submission.

Jay Parkhe mentor discourse: 29/03/2018

Jay Parkhe mentor discourse: 29/03/2018

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Jay Parkhe mentor discourse: 29/03/2018

“The Best condition for sure and steady progress on the path to success is the benefit of guidance from the Mentor who gives guidance and helps which is necessary according to the immediate needs of the mentee.

All mentor expects is that the mentee will try his best for personal development and advancement. He does not expect the immediate transformation of mentee except where the ground has been previously made ready.

Time is an important factor in physical, emotional, intellectual and intuitive advancement, as it is in all material endeavors. When the Mentor has given a necessary push to the mentee, he waits till the help thus given is fully assimilated by him/her.

An overdose of insights and information always has an unhealthy reaction. The Mentor therefore carefully selects the moment when his surprise intervention is assured of maximum results and having thus intervened, he waits with infinite patience till the mentee really needs further help.”

 

 

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