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Jay’s Quick Poetry-The Sharp And Grand Rock

Short story that inspired me to write a Quick Poem below

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls — family, health, friends, integrity — are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.

The Sharp And Grand Rock

A Poem by Jay Parkhe

Whose rock is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite angry though.
He was cross like a dark potato.
I watch him pace. I cry A’llo.

He gives his rock a shake,
And screams you’ve made a bad mistake.
The only other sound’s the break,
Of distant glasses and bars awake.

The Rock is sharp, Grand and deep,
But he has promises to keep,
Tormented with nightbirds he never sleeps.
Revenge is a promise a man must keep.

He rises from his flat bed,
With thoughts of violence in his head,
A flash of rage and he sees red.
Without a men-O-pause you turned and fled.

With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure

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Hope is not a Strategy, These Random Phrases do come true for me sometimes.

  1. Close But No Cigar
    Meaning: Coming close to a successful outcome only to fall short at the end. Will make sure, this does not happen today.
  2. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts
    Meaning: Finishing a task without making any excuses. Yess. FINISHIATIVE.
  3. Burst Your Bubble
    Meaning: To ruin someone’s happy moment. NO. Don’t want to do that. 
  4. Don’t Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch
    Meaning: Do not rely on something you are not sure of. Sane advice. So many plans put in motion, so many processes and work in progress that my elder cousin warned me not to take too much on my plate.  Sane advice. I am still far away from my 9 kilo weight reduction goal for this month.
  5. Cry Wolf
    Meaning: Someone that calls for help when it is not needed. Someone who is lying.  Yes. It happens again and again and again with me and I always fall prey. God give me a Midas touch – Nay! Give a truly healing touch I PRAY to you.
  6. Knuckle Down
    Meaning: Getting sincere about something; applying oneself seriously to a job. All the time. Never changed on this. Keep at it. That’s my philosophy and that’s what I preach and practice. 

What will the day be like – Random Phrases predict :)

I like to generate these random phrases and compare their attributions at the End of the day and usually they come correct.

Let’s see what’s in store for me today.

  1. Go For Broke
    Meaning: To risk it all, even if it means losing everything. To go all out.   If the message is about achieving 10000 likes in 58 days and thanking the BFFFs with deep sense of gratitude. I am all for it. 
  2. In a Pickle
    Meaning: Being in a difficult predicament; a mess; an undesirable situation.  Yes. it is true and getting out is messy. Staying in is messier.  Feels like a Camel whose owner wants to make him piss inside the tent but keep his Head out so that owner’s privacy is protected 🙂 
  3. Up In Arms
    Meaning: Angry; being roused to the point that you are ready to fight. Hmmm.. there is no fight left in me any more. I would rather honorably and peacefully walk aaway from UNCERTAINTY and SITUATIONS that bother me. 
  4. Put a Sock In It
    Meaning: Asking someone to be quiet or to shut up. No. That’s not Me. I would rather talk it over to a conclusion. 
  5. Give a Man a Fish
    Meaning: It’s better to teach a person how to do something than to do that something for them. Yes. fully agree. Handholding by the mentor can not become Mentor’s tasks – A mentor needs to find a way to Wean to Win so the Mentees WTW Win The World.  

Jay’s Tantra 7 – For a Bad, Bad, Sad, Sad Day and the day just shines Bright!

I use this small hack I call as Tantra whenever I have a Bad BAd or Sad SAD day.

Someone once gifted me a Bible, and I have a childhood ShrimadbhagwatGita.

I open a page to read a Verse or a Shloka.

Yesterday, was one such day.  I went to my daily morning walks and stopped for taking some change at the Tea Shop.  The devout guy was lighting Agarbatti/ Incense to Lord Ganpati, Goddess Saraswati and Goddess Lakshmi.  I said, Good Omen ( Yes, even a Skeptic on a bad bad sad sad day can become believer ! ).

I read the following

2 Kings 2:18Passage: When they returned to Elisha, who was staying in Jericho, he said to them, “Didn’t I tell you not to go?”

And from Gita came

dhyaayato vishayaanh pumsah sangasteshhupajaayate |
sangaath samjaayate kaamah kaamaath krodho abhijaayate ||

A Shloka – my father taught me at the Age 7.

When a person dwells longingly on sense objects, an inclination towards them is generated.
This inclination develops into desire and desire gives rise to anger.

I got my messages – Strong and Clear. By evening I had put them to use and had Peace of mind and a good night’s sleep. Everything became alright.

Wanna try – Please do. It works for me every time.

 

My day and the Random Phrases. Overall a Great day of Rest.

  1. Quick On the Draw
    Meaning: Performing an action with the greatest of haste.
  2. Back to Square One
    Meaning: To go back to the beginning; back to the drawing board. Took the lead to mend fences and getting into Mission mode rather than the Shared Vision mode. 
  3. Wouldn’t Harm a Fly
    Meaning: Nonviolent; someone who is mild or gentle. 
  4. It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be
    Meaning: Failing to meet expectations; not being as good as people say.  But sometimes, we fail to do the right things knowingly and then wake up too late to recover from the shock 
  5. Birds of a Feather Flock Together
    Meaning: 
    People tend to associate with others who share similar interests.  Hmmm.. 

Random phrases make my day – Jack of all trades Master of none is at top today :)

Just wondering how well or badly the day pans out 🙂

  1. Jack of All Trades Master of None
    Meaning: Having suitable skill in multiple things, but not being an expert in any of them.
  2. Par For the Course
    Meaning: What you would expect to happen; something normal or common.
  3. Ring Any Bells?
    Meaning: Recalling a memory; causing a person to remember something or someone.
  4. Mouth-watering
    Meaning: Delicious; something that looks or tastes appetizing.
  5. Swinging For the Fences
    Meaning: Giving something your all.
  6. Down For The Count
    Meaning: Someone or something that looks to be defeated, or nearly so

The Teacher and the Woman Rhyming Couplet Ideas by jay

See the eating of the teacher,
I think he’s angry at the imaginary creature.

He finds it hard to see the tissue,
Overshadowed by the heavy gnu.

Who is that flying near the rat?
I think she’d like to eat the doormat.

She is but an intelligent woman,
Admired as she sits upon a noblewoman.

Her gentle car is just a turtle,
It needs no gas, it runs on pirtle.

She’s not alone she brings a sheep,
a pet pig, and lots of weep.

The pig likes to chase a monkey,
Especially one that’s in the flunky.

The teacher shudders at the fancy pig
He want to leave but she wants the rig.

Random Phrases of the day and how days pan out.

  1. You Can’t Judge a Book By Its Cover
    Meaning: Don’t judge someone or something only by the outward appearance. They can be fooling. How long we allow ourselves to be fooled is up to us REALLY  
  2. A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted
    Meaning: 
    It’s easy for a fool to lose his/her money. Hmmm…
  3. Mountain Out of a Molehill
    Meaning: One who escalates small things and turns them into big problems. Quite true. We meet complaining, whining people who avoid ownership, responsibility taking and attribute failures others rather than owning up mistakes. 
  4. Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed
    Meaning: Someone who isn’t witty or sharp, but rather, they are ignorant, unintelligent, or senseless. Some people are so phony intellectuals who parrotise, write dictated mails by others, and when confronted just run away.

Random Acts of kindness

  1. Make a conscious effort to recycle
  2. Bake for your neighbour
  3. Leave a kind message anywhere (in a library book, on a computer etc.)
  4. Someone wronged you? Forgive them
  5. Help a younger student with their work
  6. Plant a seed
  7. Surprise your parents with flowers
  8. Reconnect with your grandparents or an elderly person you know – give them a call!
  9. Surroundings looking messy? Tidy up the area around you
  10. Give up your seat on the tube/bus

Two Spiteful Uncles Chatting to the Beat A Short Story by jay ( Auto generated and edited :) )

Teelo Teelo was thinking about Heart Break again. Heart was a cold-blooded juggler with pursed lips and Teelo Teelo had self cause hurt to his fingers.

Teelo walked over to the window and reflected on his Odorless surroundings. He had always loved The Dark Skies with its filthy, fried Universe, Full of Stars, Self Illuminated and those shining with reflected Glory. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel concerned.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a cold-blooded figure of Heart Break.

Teelo gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. She was a snotty, scheming, beer drinker with skinny body and slimy, sweaty palms. His friends saw her as a testy, tough teacher. Once, she had even rescued an ashamed old man from a road accident.

But not even a snotty person who had once rescued an ashamed old man from a road adccident, was prepared for what Heart had in store today.

The clouds danced like gyrating pigeons, making Teelo sparkly. Teelo grabbed a crumpled guillotine that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Teelo stepped outside and Heart came closer, he could see the vague glint in her eye.

Heart glared with all the wrath of 4432 clumsy squidgy snakes. She said, in hushed tones, “I hate you but I want xoxo.”

Teelo looked back, even more sparkly and still fingering the crumpled guillotine. “Heart,  I bid you adiós, adieu, addio, adeus. … aloha. … arrivederci. … ciao. … auf Wiedersehen. … au revoir. … bon voyage. … sayonara,” he replied.

They looked at each other with calm feelings, like two flabby, flipping frogs thinking at a very arrogant disco, which had trance music playing in the background and two spiteful uncles chatting to the beat.

Teelo studied Heart’s sticky lips and hurt fingers. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” began Teelo in apologetic tones, “but I don’t feel the same way, and I never will. I just don’t hate you Heart.”

Heart looked lonely, her emotions raw like a kooky, kaleidoscopic knife.

Teelo could actually hear Heart’s emotions shatter into 4863 pieces. Then the cold-blooded juggler hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of beer would calm Teelo’s nerves tonight.

 

THE END

Even Sinners and Saints can become Better and still better.

The sinner need not have the stigma of eternal degradation and the saint need not have pride in his moral attainments.

No one, however saintly he may be, has attained the heights of moral virtues except after a life of moral failings, and no one is so bad as to be unable to improve and become good.

Everyone, no matter how depraved, can gradually become better and better until he becomes the best example for all mankind.

There is always hope for everyone; none is utterly lost and none need despair. It remains true, however, that the way to divinity lies through the renunciation of evil in favour of the good.

——-AVATAR MEHER BABA

[Source- Discourses by Meher Baba, volume-I, p-94-95 (Copyright ©1967 by Adi K. Irani, King’s Rd., Ahmednagar, Maharashtra, India]

These Idioms made me Mad after a Bad Bad morning today.

  1. Method to my madness
  2. An assertion that, despite one’s approach seeming random, there actually is structure to it.
  3. Beat around the bush
  4. Avoiding the main topic. Not speaking directly about the issue.
  5. Off one’s rocker
  6. Crazy, demented, out of one’s mind, in a confused or befuddled state of mind, senile.
  7. Add insult to injury
  8. To further a loss with mockery or indignity; to worsen an unfavorable situation.
  9. Be glad to see the back of
  10. Wouldn’t be caught dead
  11. Would never like to do something
  12. Your guess is as good as mine
  13. To have no idea, do not know the answer to a question
  14. Be happy when a person leaves.
  15. Caught between two stools
  16. When someone finds it difficult to choose between two alternatives.
  17. Drastic times call for drastic measures
  18. When you are extremely desperate you need to take drastic actions.
  19. Last straw
  20. The final problem in a series of problems.

And finally, to end the day, I turned to Mentor Lyrics.

MENTORS

Adultery Lyrics

I’m lookin’ for a chick that wears a ring
Cause one night stands are my thing
Your marriage means nothin’ to me
I’m totally into adultery

It’s our secret between just you and me
That we’re into committing adultery

She was feeling all alone
She called me up on the telephone
She said,Hey stud let’s go out for dinner
Cause she knows I’m one hell of a sinner

It’s our secret between just you and me
That we love to committ adultery
Adultery
That’s the life for you and me
Adultery
That’s the life for you and me

Now it’s time that we hit the sack
I’m gonna pull out and come on your back
I don’t want your old man knowin’ I was there
So he will still chow down in your pubic hair

It’s our secret between just you and me
That we love to committ adultery
Adultery,that’s the life for you and me yeah
Adultery,that’s the life for you and me slut

You and me naked together had fun
I hope you and your husband enjoy raisin’ my son
We were drunk and feelin’ fine
I just hope my son has a dick like mine

It’s our secret between just you and me
That we love to committ adultery
Adultery,that’s the life for you and me slut
Adultery,that’s the life for you and me yeah
Adultery,that’s the life for you and me
Adultery,that’s the life for you and me

 

 

Random Inputs and My New Day begins

  1. Quick and Dirty Meaning: Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well.  No, it wasn’t dirty but it was a bad prank I played for a couple of days having failed last time, I think it has gone awry again and I may be on the brink of losing a good friend. That will be very sad. 
  2. No-Brainer Meaning: Anything that requires minimal brain activity to accomplish. I thought it displays my state of mind today with No brains 🙂 but fortunately it means something else.
  3. Know the Ropes Meaning: Having a familiarity or understanding of how something works. Yes. I have said sorry profusely. I am hoping it will work. 
  4. What Goes Up Must Come Down Meaning: Things that go up must eventually return to the earth due to gravity.  I am positive. 
  5. Don’t Look a Gift Horse In The Mouth Meaning: When you receive a gift from someone, do not be ungrateful. Will have to wait and see how the day unfolds hereafter. 

Random Acts of Kindness

  1. Taking public transport? Offer your seat to someone else
  2. Fight climate change – go vegetarian for today!
  3. Smile at 3 people today
  4. Buy more ethically sourced foods
  5. Pick up somebody else’ tab next time you go for a coffee
  6. Make amends with someone you may have wronged

Frenemy and Fake People

#Frenemy #FakePeople

They give their Fakes and legs a shake,
And sob until their tears melt.
The only other sound’s the break,
Of distant mirrors keeping barbers awake.

Fake are People, Frenemy and deep,
But they too have promises to keep,
Until then they shall not sleep.
They lie in beds with ducts that weep.

They rise from their bitter beds,
With thoughts of madness in their head,
They idolise being dead.
Faking the day with never-ending dread.

With thanks to the poet, Robert Frost, for the underlying structure.

Mazes of our own making and self-created Entanglements

All life is an effort to attain freedom from self-created entanglement.

It is a desperate struggle to undo what has been done under ignorance, to throw away the accumulated burden of the past, to find rescue from the debris left by a series of temporary achievements and failures.

Life seeks to unwind the limiting sanskaras of the past and to obtain release from the mazes of its own making, so that its further creations may spring directly from the heart of eternity and bear the stamp of unhampered freedom and intrinsic richness of being which knows no limitation.

——-AVATAR MEHER BABA

[Discourses by Meher Baba, volume-I, p-113 (Copyright ©1967 by Adi K. Irani, King’s Rd., Ahmednagar, Maharashtra, India]

What Random Acts of Kindness can I do today?

  1. Is that litter on the floor? Pick it up and bin it
  2. Go green – don’t waste paper
  3. Life can get really busy – take some time out to spend with a family member
  4. I rarely listen to others – ask someone about their day

Spirituality is a positive attitude towards life.

Spirituality is a positive attitude towards life.

Spirituality must make man more human. It is a positive attitude of releasing all that is good, noble and beautiful in man. It also contributes to all that is gracious and lovely in the environment.

It does not require the external renunciation of worldly activities or the avoiding of duties and responsibilities.

It only requires that, while performing the worldly activities or discharging the responsibilities arising from the specific place and position of the individual, the inner spirit should remain free from the burden of desires.

——-AVATAR MEHER BABA

[Discourses by Meher Baba, volume-I, p-32 (Copyright ©1967 by Adi K. Irani, King’s Rd., Ahmednagar, Maharashtra, India]

Airing it All Out – Hopes and Dreams for Our Future – Medium

Airing it All Out
And the Simplistic but Significant Value of Talking Honestly With a Friend

Photo Credit: www.guprogressive.com
L

via Airing it All Out – Hopes and Dreams for Our Future – Medium

Friedrich Nietzsche On The Secret Ingredient For Happiness

The idea that happiness-maximization is the criterion one should use in deciding what to do and how to act has probably been the most popular ethical view throughout history.

In opposition, Nietzsche insists that happiness should not be your goal.

For example, in his magnum opus — Thus Spoke Zarathustra — his protagonist declares:

“Do I strive after happiness? [No,] I strive after my works!”
And in Twilight of the Idols, he explicitly states that:

“Man [should] not strive after happiness.”
At this point, any philosopher worth his salt asks: “But what exactly does Nietzsche mean when he says these things?”

via Friedrich Nietzsche On The Secret Ingredient For Happiness

7 Buddha Puzzles

*There are 7 puzzles which the Buddha answered**There are 7 puzzles which the Buddha answered*

1: “What is SHARPEST thing in this world?”

His people replied simultaneously: ” Sword.”

Answer Buddha:
The sharpest is the ” human tongue
Because through the tongue, humans easily slander people, hurt the heart, hurt people’s feelings, etc …

2: What has the MOST distance from us in this world?

Some replied: ” Space, the moon, the sun.”

Answer Buddha:
The most distant is the ” Past“.
Whoever we are, however rich we may be, we can NOT go back in time.
Therefore we must make good use of today & days that will come.

3: What is BIGGESTthing in this world?

Someone replied:
Mountain, Earth, Sun.

“Answer Buddha:
The biggest one in the world is ” Lust“.

Many humans become wretched because they indulge their lusts.
All modes are justified in order to realize the dream and lust of the world.
Therefore careful with lust ..!

4: “What has the MOST WEIGHT in this world?

“Someone replied:
Steel, iron, elephant.”

Answer Buddha:
The hardest is ” Promise“.
It’s easy to say but hard to do.

5: “What is LIGHTEST in this world?

“Someone replied:
Cotton, wind, dust, leaves.”

Answer Buddha:
The lightest in the world is ” Forgetting Me & Leaving Me“.

Look at the many people who are chasing wealth and position, some simply leaves Me

6: What is CLOSEST to us in this world?

Someone replied:
Parents, Friends, Friends, Relatives.”

Answer Buddha:
The closest to us is ” DEATH“.
Because death is SURE and can happen any second.

7: Last question:
“What’s the Easiest thing to do in this world?”

They replied:
Eating, sleeping, hanging out

Answer Buddha:
The easiest is
SHARING YOUR KNOWLEDGE WITH OTHERS

May all living beings be Well & Happy

Selfishness, Selflessness and Personal Ego

Selfishness and selflessness are two phases of the life of the personal ego, and these two phases are continuous with each other.

Selfishness arises when all the desires are centred around the narrow individuality. Selflessness arises when this crude organisation of desires suffers disintegration and there is a general dispersing of desires with the result that they cover a much wider sphere.

Selfishness is the narrowing down of interests to a limited field; selflessness is the extension of interests over a wide field.

To put it paradoxically, selfishness is a restricted form of selflessness, and selflessness is the drawing out of selfishness into a wide sphere of activity.

——-AVATAR MEHER BABA

[Discourses by Meher Baba, volume-I, p-29-30 (Copyright ©1967 by Adi K. Irani, King’s Rd., Ahmednagar, Maharashtra, India)]

A chance encounter in a fertilizer dealer shop reminds me of this caption always.  I met a group of Guntotting Ex Dacoits who had spent 7 years in Open Jail as punishment and surrendered in front of Late Shri JayPrakash Narayan.

This Ex Dacoit was a Farmer and political leader now.  When introduced as the sales person who was selling his favorite brand of fertilizer – He had asked in HINDI whther “Ye Saheb swarthee hain ya parmarthee”. A Deep question about whether this person I am being introduced is Selfish or Selfless?  Even an Ex Convict chooses to know this beforehand.  Why I wondered?

What a Day! Random inputs of the Day.

  1. Shot In the Dark
    Meaning: 
    An attempt that has little chance for success. It actually worked.

    (Out of the box idea seemingly is the RIGHT solution today)

  2. A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted
    Meaning: 
    It’s easy for a fool to lose his/her money.

    (Some live in false pretenses and show off, although paradigms shifted, Reset pressed.

  3. Barking Up The Wrong Tree
    Meaning: 
    To make a wrong assumption about something.

    (Mean- Meaning making machine, lesson of Dissociation on my NLP course ! What a day !)

  4. Mouth-watering
    Meaning: 
    Delicious; something that looks or tastes appetizing.

    (Some Quirky, wacky, tacky, blasphemous, hillarious, original ideas flowed and made the day – very futuristic.  Best to discuss ideas than people and things)

  5. Quick and Dirty
    Meaning: 
    Things that are fixed with great speed, but as a result, it’s probably not going to work very well.

    (The sword dangles on relationships, the risks do not go away as communication is onesided as other side is speaking with pursed lips ( suppressed pain and emotions)

  6. Cup Of Joe
    Meaning: 
    A cup of joe is an American nickname for a cup of coffee.

    (Hmmm… and again! I forgot to drink my morning tea before the walk 🙂 )

  7. Keep Your Shirt On
    Meaning: 
    Keeping calm. Usually said by someone who is trying to avoid making others upset.

    (Silence, Quietude like solitude can be counterproductive among friends)

  8. It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be
    Meaning: 
    Failing to meet expectations; not being as good as people say.

    (To expect is BAD – there is no Good in Expectations, lessons learnt, experience gained).

Random Phrase I picked today

  1. Close But No Cigar
    Meaning: 
    Coming close to a successful outcome only to fall short at the end. 

    This came true today.

  2. Under Your Nose
    Meaning: 
    Missing something that should be really obvious.

    This also came true today.

  3. Beating Around the Bush
    Meaning: 
    Someone who is beating around the bush is someone who avoids the main point.

    This also came true today.

  4. Keep On Truckin’
    Meaning: 
    To keep going, pressing forward; never stopping.

    It was the Wish but did not happen

Mental Turmoil: & a Random Quote from Bible – Jay’s Tantra -3

Numbers 31:15

Passage: 

“Have you allowed all the women to live?”

he asked them.

I had a mental turmoil. At such moments, I turn to Gita, Ramayan, Bible and turn a page and pick one verse or quote.  Try and mull and understand the meaning to find inner peace and God’s message to me to listen to my inner voice with HIS Voice reverberating in my mind together.

This is a personal technique – I call it Jay’s Tantra and it helps me at times to go find the meaning beyond the words, deeply thinking, introspecting, reminiscences of the past and slowly it brings me to the present – my STATE and shows me a path to overcome the mental turmoil, dilemmas, indecisive phase, awkwardness of the decisions I thought or took and their impact.

I need to hear a preacher understand the quote from the bible but the belief that it is a God’s word – leads me to what I began searching and it has helped in terrible moments in my life.  They have always helped me to bounce back with vigor, rigor, self-confidence.

Sunday – Acts of kindness.

  1. Reconnect with your grandparents or an elderly person you know – give them a call! ( I reconnected with my granddaughter after a long while – she’s fluent in English, Hindi, Marathi and taught me a few Telugu words too 🙂 . WOW !
  2. Lend a friend a book you think they’d like (Gave away a whole library) 
  3. Leave a kind message anywhere (in a library book, on a computer etc.)
  4. Wardrobe overflowing? Donate clothes to a charity ( I give it to a Blind school)
  5. Make amends with someone you may have wronged (Hmmm….. May be, I will)
  6. Know someone going through something you’ve been through? Give them advice
  7. Volunteer your time for a good cause  (PLANNING to create a video channel for the charities I support with help of a startup Video/ Filmmaker).
  8. Help someone improve, give them constructive feedback (Neyt! I’d rather feedforward as we can’t go back and correct it – but we can shape up in future.)
  9. We all love surprises! Buy someone an unexpected gift – Yes. worth a thought (Wife and daughter both gifted ME a USPA T-shirt each ! ) 
  10. Plant a seed – yes overdue. Note to self. Must do. 

Why breakups hurt like hell – via Medium. I subscribe this.

Why Breakups Hurt Like Hell
How to manage the pain and move on

Lesley Alderman, LMSW
Follow
Jun 8
Photo: Portland Press Herald/Getty

1.1K

This is what I remember from my last major breakup: the cracks in the ceiling. I spent a good 10 hours lying on the couch in my East Village apartment staring at the ceiling, following the lines etched in the fading paint, as if they would lead to more answers. I was stunned that I could feel so drained and defeated even though I had initiated the end.

Breakups can be devastating. You can feel like a desperate 3-year-old lost in a grocery store or a hollowed-out wreck. Why? Because we’re human, and humans are designed to pair with other humans. Uncoupling and rejection feel like threats to our existence. We tend to respond with some variation on the themes of despair, confusion, and rage.

“Separation distress elicits panic,” explains Sue Johnson, PhD, an internationally recognized couples therapist and author. “And people don’t know how to make sense of it.”

Making sense of a breakup, though, is vital: it helps you recover. Looking at what happened and why will reduce the sting and help you make a better choice next time.

The pain you are experiencing is understandable, when you recognize that humans are bonding creatures hardwired for relationships. We are designed to grow and learn in the presence of others. Our connections to lovers, friends, and family define us and help us survive. Healthy intimate relationships provide us with a sense of safety and serve as a buffer against the slings and arrows the world hurls our way.

One study, which looked at the power of hand-holding, showed how robust the buffering effect of a partner can be. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin, Madison observed how 16 happily married heterosexual women reacted when they were threatened with an electric shock. The women were hooked up to a brain scanner, which measured their responses to the shock threat. In one scenario, the women held their husband’s hand, in another they held the hand of an anonymous male experimenter, and in the final scenario, they held no hand at all.

When the women held their husband’s hand, the area of the brain that processes emotional and behavioral threats was less activated than when the women held the hand of the stranger or held no hand. The more favorably the women had rated the quality of their marriage, the more powerful the buffering effect of their husband’s hand. It’s no wonder, then, that losing that safeguard can elicit despair.

Being part of a couple can also change your identity. Researchers at Northwestern University examined the effect that breakups have on self-concept. The 2010 study found that becoming single makes you feel less significant. “When the relationship ends, individuals experience not only pain over the loss of the partner, but also changes in their selves,” the study’s authors wrote.

Breakups can also trigger feelings of shame. “We consider any relationship that ends a failure,” explains Katherine Woodward Thomas, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Conscious Uncoupling (yes, the book that Gwyneth made famous). “We have this belief that love should last forever.” But in reality, most of us will have two to three relationships in our lifetimes and two to three major breakups.

When you’re the one being left, the sting is particularly sharp. Rejection triggers feelings of humiliation, isolation, and pain. Research by Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA has found that the emotional pain of rejection is coded in the same part of the brain as physical pain. Your rational mind may try to downplay the rejection — “Eh, he wasn’t worth it,” — but it registers in your brain as if you’d been punched in the gut.

The best remedy for the pain that follows a breakup is self-care and self-examination. Before you can recover and make rational sense of the breakup, you first need to attend to your shaken sense of self. Talk about the demise of the relationship with your friends, spend time with people who treat you well, write about your worries. Remind yourself that breakups can be traumatic; you need time to adjust and recover.

At the same time, resist self-destructive urges. Don’t stalk your ex online (this will increase your level of distress), pretend you’re fine (suppressing feelings leads, over the longer term, to greater emotional drama), or try to numb your pain with excessive amounts of alcohol, substances, or sex (never a good plan).

When you’re ready, ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this relationship?’ A 2017 study looked at the romantic relationships and breakups of 160 young adults. The researchers found that when individuals understood the reasons for their breakup, they suffered less stress and reported more satisfaction in their next relationship than their less clued-in peers.

Resist the all-too-satisfying desire to totally demonize your ex as a whacked out psychopathic narcissistic wreck of a person. “Okay, maybe your ex was 97 percent of the problem,” says Woodward Thomas. “But let’s look at your three percent. That’s where the gold is.” What did you not say or do — or fail to say or do? What warning signs did you ignore? What old pattern were you replaying? Did you give your power away? Women, for instance, have a tendency to bond more quickly. Men, of course, tend to hang back, wary of committing too much, too fast. Even though those tendencies are well known, we may not see ourselves living out such patterns as they’re happening. “Until you see what you are doing, you are bound to do it again,” says Woodward Thomas.

You will start to figure out who might be a better match for you. Bear in mind, people who are emotionally responsive tend to make the best partners. If you’ve never had the pleasure of dating an emotionally responsive human, here’s what they look like: they listen; they can tolerate your emotions, even when they’re negative; they are moved by your feelings; they are not terrified of vulnerability (they may not love it, but at least they don’t belittle it).

In general, people who are available, reliable, and trustworthy also make good partners in romance and life. Research consistently shows that people who have mates with these characteristics feel secure, nurtured, and supported in their relationships.

“Breakups hurt so much because relationships are so important to us,” says Dr. Johnson. But, with some effort, it’s possible to turn the pain into self-gain. Before you get involved in your next relationship, take some time to picture what a good, enduring one looks like to you.

1.1K

WRITTEN BY
Lesley Alderman, LMSW
Writer. Psychotherapist. Yoga enthusiast. Interested in mental health and helping people feel psychologically sound. Brooklyn based. www.lesleyalderman.com

via Why Breakups Hurt Like Hell – Member Feature Stories – Medium

Both Men and Women Get Bored With Monogamy—Just For Different Reasons via mel magazine.

Both Men and Women Get Bored With Monogamy—Just For Different Reasons

via Both Men and Women Get Bored With Monogamy—Just For Different Reasons

Random phrases and Day is Averaging out

  1. Cup Of Joe
    Meaning: 
    A cup of joe is an American nickname for a cup of coffee.
  2. Son of a Gun
    Meaning: 
    A person, usually one who is behaving badly.
  3. Beating a Dead Horse
    Meaning: 
    To bring up an issue that has already been resolved.
  4. Jig Is Up
    Meaning: 
    For a ruse or trick to be discovered; to be caught.

Death will be optional – A WhatsApp forward going viral

Death will be Optional by 2045

https://www.thinkspain.com/news-spain/30425/death-will-be-optional-and-ageing-curable-by-2045-say-genetic-engineers
Death will be ‘optional’ and ageing ‘curable’ by 2045, say genetic engineers

Sat, Apr 21, 2018

news@thinkspain.com @thinkspain

DYING will be ‘optional’ within just 27 years and the ageing process will be ‘reversible’, according to two genetic engineers during the presentation of their new book in Barcelona.

José Luis Cordeiro, born in Venezuela to Spanish parents, and Cambridge (UK) mathematician David Wood, founders of the operating system ‘Symbian’, have just published The Death of Death and say immortality is a real and scientific possibility that could come much earlier than originally thought.

Humans will only die in accidents, never of natural causes or illness, by around the year 2045, say Cordeiro and Wood, who say it is ‘crucial’ that old age starts to be classified as an ‘illness’ so that publicly-funded research into its ‘cure’ can extend.

Nanotechnology is key, among other new genetic manipulation techniques, the engineers said during the presentation at Barcelona’s Equestrian Circle.

The process will involve turning ‘bad’ genes into healthy ones, eliminating dead cells from the body, repairing damaged cells, treatments with stem cells and ‘printing’ vital organs in 3D.

Cordeiro, who is based at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in the USA, says he has ‘chosen not to die’ and that in 30 years’ time, he will be ‘younger than he is today’.

Ageing is the result of DNA ‘tails’, known as ‘telomeres’, in chromosomes – of which every cell except red blood and sex cells has 23 pairs – becoming shorter, and reversing ageing involves lengthening the telomeres.

Telomeres become damaged and shortened with the passage of time, a process that speeds up in the event of toxins entering the body – smoking, alcohol and air pollution are among elements that reduce the length of telomeres, thus accelerating ageing.

Cordeiro and Wood believe that within 10 years, illnesses such as cancer will be curable, and that major international corporations such as Google will be ‘entering the field of medicine’ because they are ‘beginning to realise that curing ageing is possible’.

Microsoft has reportedly already announced the setting up of a cryopreservation centre in which a scientist is researching the possibility of cancer being completely curable within a decade.

The engineers explain that, although ‘people generally do not know about it’, it was discovered in 1951 how cancer cells are immortal: when Henrietta Lacks died from cervical cancer, surgeons removed the tumour and kept it – and it is still ‘alive’ today.

Immortality will not necessarily mean the planet becomes overcrowded, the scientists say: there is still plenty of room for more people on Earth, and these days, people do not have anywhere near as many children as they did in past decades and centuries; plus, ‘it will be possible to live in space by then’.

“Japan and the Koreas, if they continue with their current trend of hardly having any children, will become extinct – within two centuries, there’ll be no Japanese or Korean people on the planet,” Cordeiro says.

“But thanks to these new techniques, there will indeed be Japanese and Korean people, because they’ll live forever and remain young.”

The cost of anti-ageing treatment was compared to that of the latest SmartPhones.

“At first, it’ll be expensive, but with a competitive market the price will gradually fall because it’ll be something that benefits everyone,” Cordeiro says.

“Technology, when it’s new, is poor and extremely expensive, but it eventually becomes democratic and mainstream and becomes cheaper.”

The engineers say they have already been employing their techniques for two years – illegally, but in Colombia where there are fewer regulations covering genetic manipulation.

Elisabeth Parrish, their first human patient, ‘started to see symptoms of ageing and asked what could be done to prevent it’.

Her treatment is ‘very risky and even illegal’, Wood explains, but at the moment is going well, has not had any adverse side-effects, and the level of telomeres in her blood is ’20 years younger than before’.

“I want Spain to have a place in the world of these technologies and show that we’re not mad, it’s just that people still don’t know about them,” Wood concluded.

The Death of Death will eventually be published in four languages at first – Spanish, English, Portuguese and Korean – and all proceeds from its sales will be ploughed back into the authors’ research.

Random Phrases for today.

Some of these random phrases tell us the course of actions or how the day will unfold.

Take today’s example

Dropping Like Flies

Meaning: 

To fall down ill or

to die in large numbers.

Fortunately, No one died, but because of the biorhythm changes, someone fell sick suddenly.  All well no.

Happy as a Clam

Meaning: 

The state of being happy;
feeling delighted.
My morning walk and stopovers for WhatsApp, Social media and WordPress posting are always good. It is the SMS and emails which make me morose. I believe firmly in Things Average out theory. ( Theory being one man’s opinion 🙂 ) Day is ending much better.  First someone close fell ill, then daughter feel and hurt knees  and day is yet to end and my final article publishing deadline is still looming but I am hopeful that things will average out and I shall be happy as a Clam. 

Drawing a Blank

Meaning: 

Failing to recall a memory.
Unable to remember something.
That’s rough, that’s something no one should have. It is like a brain fog in which we do not even try to find a light.  Like the Dementors in the Harry Potter novels.  It is BAD and I pray to Almighty to cure them fast. 

Talk the Talk

Meaning: 

Supporting what you say,

not just with words,

but also through action or evidence.

I am doing an online UDEMY course refresher on NLP by Kain Ramsay.  It came so cheap! Rs. 640 for nearly 120 videos and articles.  And the trainer Kain is so wonderful. He taught something today and I put it in practice. It was about how NLP practitioners abuse, misuse and manipulate sometimes.  I followed the herd and tried. It came true in actions and evidence.

Amazing Phrases – randomly chosen in the morning.

Random Acts of Kindness

  1. Save water – turn the tap off when brushing your teeth!
  2. Smile at a stranger
  3. Answer the phone in a cheerful voice – even if it is a sales person
  4. Help someone carry their pushchair up/down the stairs
  5. House chores can be tiring – offer a helping hand
  6. Purchase ethical goods
  7. Fight climate change – go vegetarian for today!
  8. Bake something for your family/friends
  9. Be proactive – sign a petition for a good cause
  10. Leave someone flowers anonymously

Dilemmas – What do I do

We all are at crossroads in our life sometimes where there are two routes, options available to us and we have a dilemma to choose the right or left path and come to a decision.

I depend on Facts.  But decision making sometimes is under pressure.  Sometimes we have to make decision without full assessment/ availability of facts. Other times it becomes difficult as there is no time to Assess, Analyse, Deploy, Choose.  Sometimes the options may not be clear.

I look up to my holy books Ramayan, Geeta and at times to a gifted Bible for answers.  Close my eyes, pray to God and open a book and keep my finger randomly on a verse and read.

This morning I read

2 Samuel 7:19

Passage: 

And as if this were not enough in your sight,

Sovereign LORD,

you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant –

and this decree,

Sovereign LORD,

is for a human being!

Then with my own word associations, perceptions, knowledge about the time, context of the verse I create a linkage – a forced association of words to my situation and find an answer. Usually, the dilemma vanishes.  The holy books become my temporary mentors and show me the path.

Random acts of Kindness we can do.

  1. Make an effort to get to know someone you don’t usually talk to
  2. Smile at 3 people today
  3. Lend a friend a book you think they’d like
  4. We walk past homeless people every day; can you spare them 5 minutes of your time?
  5. Send a thank you card to someone who has made a difference in your life (a friend, family member, teacher etc.)
  6. Share something interesting you’ve learnt today
  7. Feed a stray animal if you spot one
  8. Leave someone flowers anonymously
  9. Be proactive – sign a petition for a good cause
  10. Google ‘survey for charity’ and complete one. They receive money for every one you fill out!

Begin a Day with Some Random Phrases:

I usually look for a word, sentence or phrase at the beginning of the day.  It gets stuck in the brain like the Musical note or a lyric – (I hear favorite songs daily for 2 hours+ while on the walk) and usually is an important one and sometimes a reminder too. It stays in the subconscious and does its work of sending cues, triggers, prompts or harsh nudges by elbows to my ribs sometimes with its reminders.

  1. All Greek To Me
    Meaning: 
    When something is incomprehensible due to complexity; unintelligble.
  2. Goody Two-Shoes
    Meaning: 
    A smugly virtuous person.
  3. There’s No I in Team
    Meaning: 
    To not work alone, but rather, together with others in order to achieve a certain goal.
  4. Don’t Look a Gift Horse In The Mouth
    Meaning: 
    When you receive a gift from someone, do not be ungrateful.
  5. Like Father Like Son
    Meaning: 
    Resembling one’s parents in terms of appearance or behavior.

We are all Self-Luminous Stars! Cast Down on Earth. ..My latest Poem.

I loved to watch Stars in a Dark Night as a kid.

I still do,

not that frequently.

Now Home, TV, LAPTOP

screen bind me. 

I always thought

The Sky is 

An Empty Wall.

One day I shall

find my space there

I shall write my name 

on that wall. 

Then I shall be known

As a Self-luminous Star

And a Christian friend

Gave a Bible as Gift.

I read the page

Isaiah 14:12

Passage: 

How you have

fallen from heaven,

morning star,

son of the dawn!

You have been cast down

to the earth,

you who once

laid low the nations!

It gave birth to my first

Poetry at 15 whose Punchline was

A teaching from my First Mentor

Realise Mastery in Servitude. 

Random Acts of Kindness

  1. Feeling brave? Give blood
  2. Know someone going through something you’ve been through? Give them advice
  3. Go the day without complaining
  4. Make an effort to get to know someone you don’t usually talk to
  5. Give up your seat on the tube/bus
  6. Lend a friend a book you think they’d like
  7. Visit a friend who’s sick
  8. Start the day right – make breakfast for everyone
  9. Help somebody with a chore they need done!
  10. Feeling inspired? Make a meal for your family or roommates

You may have read some of the Acts before – it is good to repeat the ones we like doing most and those which others like most.

Thank you ☺️ Pᶓȵfĩℓả 💕 for kind nomination.

I pay my gratitude to Nirant for nominating me for the Liebster Award. I appreciate the trust that you have on me. He is indeed a unique writer. Thanks a ton. Buddies, it is time you take a glance at his blogs. You will not get back unsatisfied! PS: I take on awards, not for […]

via Liebster Award | 3rd Nomination — Help Break The Silence

As I said to you

☺️ Pᶓȵfĩℓả 💕 I do not understand these awards and have never craved for them. After your reading your blog I have begun to understand.  My sincere gratitude for thinking of me to nominate.  Warm regards. jay

 

Random -Rambling -Rants :)

The Plot generator sent me a few sentences and it started getting thicker. Imagine writing something as mundane as the following statements in Bold...:)

  • She folded her handkerchief neatly.

    And I realized the semi-wet piece of white cloth which got moist just looking at the screen for nearly 100 minutes on a Video call. Eyes were most, but words coming clear and firm. The discussions were heated and the confrontation brought stunned silence. I had to change tracks and laugh out loud to lessen the impact. There was constant wiping of First the right eye and later the left eye and the pursed lips told the story of suppressed sadness and angry emotions.

  • Everyone was busy, so I went to the movie alone.

    The reason is, I tend to emote and shed a lot of tears whenever I see a very heart touching dialogue and superlative acting – and I like to be alone then.  I had struggled during my Film Censoring days when it was embarrassing and awkward and once a Lady Film Director saw me in this mode and smiles understandingly and when we passed her film – she said, “Jay, you made my day. My film and actors had to bring out this emotion and I was happy to see you shedding tears at the right scenes while maintaining your Objectivity as Censor ( and suggesting a few cuts as well 🙂 ) I am certain the audiences will like the film. It did. It was a Hit.

  • The lake is a long way from here.

    No I did not shed so many tears to fill the lake :).  These are our private moments, we shed tears at times very privately, without anyone knowing and we mask our emotions, sentiments.  Some fierce, firebrand people I have met have privately shared with me their quiet moments when they sobbed alone and shed tears profusely to calm their nerves.  IMHO,  it is good to let emotions flow sometimes rather than letting them stay suppressed with more pressure so that others do not know our inner softness. I won’t ever call it a weakness – I feel it is very natural. I tend to think it is Being Human.

  • What do you think?

Random Acts of Kindness

  1. Buy someone a coffee
  2. Gift someone something they complimented you for
  3. Be proactive – sign a petition for a good cause
  4. It’s hard to stay connected – reach out to an elderly person you know
  5. Go out of your way to thank someone today!
  6. No matter how annoying they can be, tell your siblings how much you appreciate them
  7. Fight climate change – go vegetarian for today!
  8. We all need help sometimes; offer someone a helping hand
  9. Is that litter on the floor? Pick it up and bin it
  10. Make a hot beverage for a friend/family

Readers may find some of these repeated again from prior posts – but nothing wrong repeating something which we found good.

Inadequacy. I read this and liked it instantly.

There is one quote that comes into my mind after reading this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Today’s Inspirational Quote:

“Lighten up on yourself. No one is perfect. Gently accept your humanness.”

— Deborah Day

Sometimes it is better to just walk away from things

and go back to them later when you’re in a better frame of mind

Sometimes it is better to just walk away from things and go back to them later when you’re in a better frame of mind.

Try some of these to find your peace back.

  1. Answer the phone in a cheerful voice – even if it is a salesperson
  2. Try being a person who Wouldn’t Harm a Fly
    Meaning: 
    Nonviolent;  someone who is mild or gentle.
  3. Try not to make a Mountain Out of a Molehill
    Meaning: 
    One who escalates small things and turns them into big problems.
  4. And be like The shooter who says goodbye to his love.

 

Today’s Inspirational Quote:

“A man’s got to have a code, a creed to live by, no matter his job.”

— John Wayne

 

Random Acts of Kindness

  1. Bake something for your family/friends

  2. Help someone improve, give them constructive feedback

  3. Someone looking lost? Help them with directions

  4. Who will be making dinner for your family today? Tag, you’re it!

  5. Know someone who is not coping very well? Give them a call

 

My new affirmation, My new Paradigm

 New Affirmation

I am quite happy and grateful as
I understand how to identify and change my life paradigms
it gives me the power to be,

do and have
ANYTHING I truly want.

Mentoring Dreamers to Awaken their Dreams.

Give the spark that may get fanned and become High rise flames and Fire

Begin to light we must ignite the latent subconscious and fight for our Right.

I Wake up the dreamers and demand their need for rights
In the dead corner of their hippocampus lies a sleeping, latent WISH

In the dead of the night,

the mentor makes you set your sights  and

warns of the dangers of letting it remain dormant,

hibernating, not knowing, never knowing

What is inside your brain –

the latent  Potentials and Dreams
Mentor calls for your arms

to begin the Motion arising out of this E Motion.
There are goodbyes and there are no second glances
For in the middle,

We, we see the glimpse
Of the mass of wishes wanting to come alive and

take control of our FOCUS our FUTURE.
They CREATE our desire to  fight

the life’s battles ahead to make these dreams come true.

We’re living trees of our own anarchy
Mentees take hands
It’s our time to give this life its only chance
Not one step back
A Pure Heart will take a stand

Inner liberation thrills
Echoing through the hearts

the beginning of our new being

Take pride as this is the vision for us to live by or die, or die

We”re coming
Light the Spark we must ignite we fire to fight begin our night
We’re coming

 

Inspired by the Story by Chanakya.

चाणक्य नीति: जानिए किन लोगों की मदद न करें और रहें दूर
आचार्य चाणक्य ने अपनी एक नीति में 3 ऐसे लोगों के बारे में बताया है जिनकी मदद न करें और उनसे दूर रहें।

चाणक्य नीति में आचार्य कौटिल्य ने अपनी एक नीति में बताया है कि किन लोगों की मदद नहीं करनी चाहिए वरना आप खुद परेशानी में पड़ सकते हैं। आचार्य चाणक्य ने बताया कि कुछ लोग ऐसे होते हैं जिनकी मदद करने पर आप स्वयं मुश्किल में पड़ सकते हैं। समय, काल, परिस्थिति, धर्म और नीतियों को ध्यान में रखकर आचार्य चाणक्य ने कुछ लोगों को वर्ग विशेष में बांटा है। इसके अनुसार उन्होंने बुद्धि और चतुराई के उपयोग से कुछ ज्ञान की बाते बताई हैं। जानिए ये 3 लोग कौन हैं जिनकी मदद कभी नहीं करनी चाहिए

-चाणक्य ने अपने श्लोक में बताया है कि – मूर्खाशिष्योपदेशेन दुष्टास्त्रीभरणेन च।
दु:खिते सम्प्रयोगेण पंडितोऽप्यवसीदति।

1. मूर्ख व्यक्ति -आचार्य ने जिन लोगों से दूर रहने की बात कही है, उसमें पहला व्यक्ति है मूर्ख। यदि हम किसी मूर्ख व्यक्ति को जानते हैं तो उससे दूर ही रहना चाहिए। मूर्ख व्यक्ति को ज्ञान देने की कोशिश भी न करें। हम मूर्ख को ज्ञान देकर उसकी भलाई करने की सोचते हैं, लेकिन मूर्ख व्यक्ति इस बात को नहीं समझेगा। ये लोग फिजूल तर्क-वितर्क करते हैं, जिससे हमारे समय का नुकसान होगा। इसीलिए ऐसे लोगों से दूर ही रहना चाहिए।

2. बुरे चरित्र वाला व्यक्ति – यदि किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति को जानते हैं, जिसका चरित्र ठीक नहीं है तो उससे दूर रहने में ही समझदारी है। ऐसी लोगों की भलाई करने पर या इनकी मदद करने पर भी हमारा ही नुकसान होना है। ऐसे लोगों के संपर्क में रहने से समाज और घर-परिवार में श्रेष्ठ व्यक्ति को भी अपमानित होना पड़ता है। जो लोग धर्म से भटक जाते हैं, वे स्वयं तो पाप करते ही हैं और दूसरों को भी पाप के रास्ते पर ले जाते हैं। इसीलिए ऐसे लोगों से दूर ही रहना चाहिए।

3. हमेशा बिना वजह दुखी रहने वाला व्यक्ति – चाणक्य कहते हैं कि जो लोग अपने जीवन से संतुष्ट नहीं हैं और हमेशा ही दुखी रहते हैं, उनसे दूर रहना चाहिए। इन लोगों की भलाई करने पर भी हमें दुख ही मिलता है। ऐसे लोगों का जीवन चाहे कितना भी अच्छा क्यों न हो जाए ये हमेशा दुखी रहते हैं। ये लोग दूसरों के सुख से ईर्ष्या करते हैं और कोसते रहते हैं। इस प्रकार ईर्ष्या भाव रखने वाले और बिना वजह दुखी रहने वाले लोगों से भी दूर रहने में हमारी भलाई है।

When Forgiving oneself is the hardest kind of forgiveness.

I foundis artic thle very interesting and wort a read.  Sharing.

 

Andrea Brandt Ph.D. M.F.T.
Mindful Anger

When Forgiving Yourself Is the Hardest Kind of Forgiveness
How do you forgive yourself even when it feels impossible?
Posted Oct 02, 2017

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So you’ve done something wrong. You’ve hurt someone else or yourself, and now you feel angry, guilty, sad, or ashamed. If someone else had wronged you, you’d want an apology, and then you’d decide whether or not to forgive them. But when it’s you who’s done the wronging, the steps are less clear. Maybe you don’t believe you deserve forgiveness, or you do but don’t know how to self-forgive. Either way, you feel awful.

How do you forgive yourself even when it feels impossible?

The first thing I’d like you to do is to acknowledge and appreciate the way you feel right now. Acknowledge that not everyone is self-aware or empathetic enough to admit they’ve done something wrong. Appreciate that you’re the kind of person who can recognize your faults and mistakes and say, “I did this; I am responsible.” You’ve done something wrong, yes, but at your core, you are a good person.

You may have read one of my earlier articles about forgiving others. Many of the principles of self-forgiveness are the same as forgiving someone else. When you forgive another or forgive yourself, you let go of your grievances and judgments and allow healing to start. By “let go” I don’t mean you pretend it never happened or say that what happened was OK. Forgiveness isn’t a pardon or an excuse, and it doesn’t mean you can’t continue to have feelings about what happened. Forgiving means accepting what happened and finding a way to move forward.

As a marriage and family therapist, I’ve worked with many patients on self-forgiveness. Some have done things that may seem unforgivable, but there’s one thing that those who’ve done the “unforgivable” and those who’ve done the easier-to-forgive have in common: They’re all human. Human beings make mistakes. Some mistakes are small, and some are enormous, but they’re all made for the same reason: We are imperfect creatures, and we’re all deserving of forgiveness.

We’re all doing the best we can with the tools we have. Sometimes those tools aren’t very helpful; our parents weren’t good role models, or our perceptions and judgments are flawed, or our beliefs and points of reference don’t serve our interests. I want you to sit quietly for a moment and say to yourself, “I did what I did because I am human and human beings aren’t perfect.”

The next step toward self-forgiveness is seeing the whole picture of the situation that needs releasing. This means you need to accept what happened,
understand how and why it happened, and see all that came out of it—the obvious bad and the not-so-obvious good.

To forgive yourself, you need to mindfully expand your view of what happened. First, you must own what you have done and the consequences of your actions. And, you need to accept that there’s nothing you can do to change the past.

via When Forgiving Yourself Is the Hardest Kind of Forgiveness | Psychology Today

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