FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT HISTORY


FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT HISTORY

Eddie Izzard quotes

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.SHARELouis C.K. quotes

I’m just like yeast – I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there’s a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people’s lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn’t give a fuck. The yeast isn’t going, “I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people’s lives.SHAREDavid Cross quotes

So I was watching all the Katrina coverage and I got really angry at… Christians who didn’t pray hard enough… It’s their fucking fault. First off, they needed to pray against the people that were praying for Katrina to hit, because New Orleans is a den of sin and iniquity; an area where gay people dance! But now they have to pray double, and if they had just put that little effort up front, we could’ve avoided all of this. I think it’s time we take a lesson from history, and return to human sacrifice.SHAREDavid Cross quotes

James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.SHAREChris Rock quotes

A black man failing black history… ain’t that some sad shit….. cuz you know, fat people don’t fail cooking!SHAREFred Allen quotes

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.SHARETim Allen quotes

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.SHAREGeorge Burns quotes

I can’t understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.SHARERodney Dangerfield quotes

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.SHAREMichael Ian Black quotes

How dare you compare Hitler to this president or any president? How dare you equate what he did with what Obama is doing? Do you have any idea how insulting that is? Do you know anything about history? Do you have any idea what Hitler did? He killed six million of my people, which is six million more than Obama has killed. You’re a fucking idiot. You’re a fucking moron. You’re the fucking problem with this country.SHAREDaniel Tosh quotes

I hate you, Google. You’ve caused a lot of problems in my relationship. I share a computer with my girlfriend and she would look up anything. “I’m going to look up apples today.” She just hits ‘A.’ It’s “Asian ass porn” instantly. Google is, like, “I’ll take it from here. I know exactly what you’re looking up… Well, every time you hit ‘A,’ it’s ‘Asian ass porn.'” Google! All I ask is that you let her type three letters before you jump to such a bold conclusion. It’s bad enough that I’m clearing my history every three hours and changing my passwords. I’m trying to have an honest relationship, and you are fucking my shit up!SHAREDenis Leary quotes

I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how’s that for prejudice on the Democratic side?SHARETim Vine quotes

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue and I couldn’t put it down.SHAREJohn Oliver quotesFunny

I took a tip from your history books, and, the day after election day, I got a truckload of Dr. Pepper and just drove it straight into Boston Harbor. See how you like your favorite beverage being drowned.SHAREJohn Oliver quotes

This report found out that more British people died, proportionally, than American people on that boat because they discovered that, at that point in history, British people were more polite while Americans were, and I quote, more assertive. But don’t feel guilty when you imagine your ancestors elbowing mine out of the way.

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