Yes, This Is Unfair, Yet… You didn’t cause the pandemic. You might have even been one of the people who was vocal about the dangers early on. Perhaps you didn’t vote for the leaders—worldwide—who have so failed us in preventing it or protecting us. Yet here you are, stuck dealing with the fallout. You’re healthy. You’re unlikely to have health complications from the virus. Your grandparents aren’t around anymore. Yet here you are stuck at home, under legal restrictions, prevented from working or living your life as you like. Maybe, unlike some businesses, you’ve kept large cash reserves. Maybe, unlike some investors, you didn’t overleverage yourself and you don’t have large debt payments to service. Which means that on top of this pandemic—which again is not your fault—you’re not in a position to be bailed out by hastily constructed government stimulus plans. It’s unfair. It’s frustrating, but it’s reality. The Stoics would say, so what? Who ever promised you fair? Who ever promised you that you’d be made whole? The reward for being right, for being prudent in your affairs, Marcus Aurelius said, is not external. Don’t look for the third thing, he said. Don’t look to be acknowledged. Don’t look to be looked after first. That’s not how this works. You do what’s right because it’s right. Of whom much is given, much is expected. Remember that. That is what is fair. Even when it isn’tYes, This Is Unfair, Yet…
Heyo, Nik here with your free summary of the day.
If you enjoy these, check out our reading guide. It’ll help you learn and remember more from everything you read.
Want to get just one weekly summary roundup? Switch to weekly.
1-Sentence-Summary: The Happiness Trap offers an easy-to-follow, practical guide to implementing Acceptances and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an effective method for loosening the grip of negative emotions so you can follow your values in life.
Read in: 4 minutes
Favorite quote from the author:
Mindfulness is in fashion right now, and it seems like basically everyone recommends it. Downloading a meditation app to your phone or dropping into a yoga class might feel cool. But sporadic and isolated efforts at mindfulness are not likely to work very well.
Especially if you’re already in the thick of negative emotions, as so many people are. You need concrete steps to take in order to apply mindfulness tools to yourself. It must become a habit and a way of approaching life generally. It can’t just be a mere hobby or you won’t reap the rewards.
The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT may sound like just another overblown self-help book. But it really does provide a specific guide to action for people who need to find a way to soothe themselves as soon as possible when things go wrong.
It’s based on empirically-validated Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a technique for learning to live with negative emotions instead of fighting them.
Here are the 3 most important lessons from the book:
- Fighting against your emotions is the best way to get stuck in them.
- Sometimes ACT techniques can make you feel happier, but that’s a pleasant side effect and not the goal.
- Even though you can’t choose how to feel, you can choose how to act.
Ready to stop fighting to feel happy, once and for all? Let’s give ACT a spin!If you want to save this summary for later, download the free PDF and read it whenever you want.
Lesson 1: People tend to make negative emotions much worse than they have to be by fighting against them.
It’s bad enough to feel stressed, sad, or angry in the first place. Unfortunately, most of us heap lots of additional stress, sadness, and anger on ourselves by trying, and usually failing, to make that bad feeling go away as soon as possible. We believe, on some level, that we should have a high level of control over our emotions. We then find, repeatedly, that we have far less control than we ever thought.
Even worse, negative emotions don’t just come up randomly every once in a while. Since humans evolved under dangerous conditions, our brains are constantly, actively, on the lookout for threats of all shapes and sizes. Your mental “don’t get killed” detector will even invent threats out of thin air. And this is despite the fact that our species has never been safer in the past than we are now.
So, if you’ve decided to stop struggling against your emotions, what do you do instead? Here’s where The Happiness Trap has many specific tips and tricks to offer.
For instance, you can try simply reminding yourself that your mind has a life of its own and that you don’t endorse all of its thoughts. When your inner critic generates a thought like “you’re a failure!” just think “thanks, mind!” and keep doing what you were doing.
You can also try practicing “expansion.” This visualization technique involves observing the sensations in your body and breathing into them. This makes “space” inside you for big emotions to come for a visit, instead of trying and failing to force them out.
Lesson 2: Learn to enjoy pleasant feelings when they do arise while realizing that it doesn’t work to pursue them directly.
Telling yourself “thanks, mind!” and expanding into tough emotions might actually work to make you feel happier. However, it’s important to remember that ACT is not just another attempt to closely control your emotions.
According to ACT experts, emotional control methods are doomed to fail. And they often make you feel worse in the process. When these mindfulness tips do actually cause happiness, it’s just a lucky byproduct and not the goal.
Instead of actively chasing happiness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy recommends thoughtfully enjoying pleasures, especially small ones, just for what they are, however long they last. Don’t try to make the good feelings come or stay and don’t try to make the negative emotions leave, just ride them all like a surfer on a wave.
If you’ve ever tried the Headspace app you know how this can work. The meditation sessions within teach you how to begin your mindfulness practice by centering your mind on your breathing. Then, you count your breaths, letting thoughts and emotions come and go as you do. When a feeling comes, you don’t engage with it but instead just note it and move on.
Try it yourself right now! The next time negative emotions or thought patterns creep in, you’ll be prepared to just let them slip right on by!
Lesson 3: Don’t try to design how you feel, just act on your values.
You can’t count on feeling any particular way because emotions are uncontrollable. But you can choose how to act each day. Now that you’ve learned to stop struggling against your emotions and ride them out instead, what will you do with your newfound emotional freedom?
The Happiness Trap wraps up with some exercises for determining what you really value in life, underneath your previous fears of social judgment or failure.
Even if you can’t always feel happy, you can grow a greater, deeper sense of satisfaction with your life. Do this by establishing your values and taking incremental steps towards realizing them in your chosen goals.
The Happiness Trap Review
The Happiness Trap is a realistic and practical breath of fresh air compared to most shallow discussions of mindfulness and happiness. Because it offers many specific techniques that you can practice at your own pace, The Happiness Trap is more like a useful personal development reference book than a one-time read. Even its author, Russ Harris, admits to falling off the ACT wagon sometimes. But with practice, we can all learn to “stop struggling and start living.”
Who would I recommend The Happiness Trap summary to?
The emotionally turbulent 22-year old college graduate facing the “real world” and its disappointments for the first time, the 65-year old retiree who expected to enjoy this new phase of life more than he is, and anyone who scoffs at happiness-related advice but doesn’t know what to do instead.
“Home is the nicest word there is.”
via Today’s Quote https://ift.tt/36ugdEk
Here are some books for the end of the year… fifty years of ideas that have helped me understand the world differently:
Gödel, Escher, Bach — Before meta was cool, Douglas Hofstadter won a Pulitzer Prize for this intricately created examination of math, art and music.
Caste — My book of the year. Wilkerson helps us see how persistent and hidden the indoctrination of race and status lie in our culture.
Understanding Comics — Another meta book, and a masterpiece of explanation and insight.
The Red Queen — There are a ton of very cool books on evolutionary theory and this one is particularly good.
Knocking on Heaven’s Door — Lisa Randall’s explanation of physics will change the way you look at the world.
Guns, Germs and Steel — Another classic, it has earned its spot in the canon. An explanation (not without controversy) of how the world ended up as it did. This is what the study of geography is actually about.
The Beginning of Infinity — After you read Randall, this book will take those ideas and expand them. A lot.
What Technology Wants — Kevin Kelly has changed my mind over and over again, and this one is the one I think about the most often.
The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas — A short story from Ursula LeGuin that you will never forget.
Debt — An astonishing look at 5,000 years of human history by the late David Graeber.
The Jazz of Physics — A great book, even (especially) for people who think they don’t like either.
When Things Fall Apart — Each of Pema’s books is special, and the audio books in particular. This is a fine place to start.
Books are an extraordinary device, transitioning through time and space, moving from person to person and leaving behind insight and connection. I’m grateful every single day for the privilege of being able to read (and to write).
And writing doesn’t always have to take the form of books. Check out this prize-winning video:
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
via Funny Quote of the Day https://ift.tt/2rywmdc
“A sculptor is a person who is interested in the shape of things, a poet in words, a musician by sounds.”
via Art Quote of the Day https://ift.tt/2qJlqc2
Even the path of ten thousand miles begins with a single step.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. (Lao Tzu)
Everything you do today forms the seeds for what you harvest tomorrow.
Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later. (Og Mandino)
Bird of prey adapts to all
Gardens spread blissful
“I want to thank you, Lord, for life and all that’s in it. Thank you for the day and for the hour, and the minute. ”
– Maya Angelou
|आंधळे दळते कुत्रं पीठ खाते||एकानं काम करावं आणि दुसर्यांनं त्याचा फायदा घ्यावा.|
Work, love, play.
Progress through unity.
Always progress, always move forward.
Out of darkness we bring light.
Beacon in the darkness, light of hope.
Many skills, many virtues.
Lead by our history, leading our future.
Conquerors of darkness.
Pride, honor, justice.
My Father, praised be your name, I come to you in my times of trouble. Guide my hand so I might live in peace. I beg this of you in your most holy name, o god in the heavens. Sustain me with your illustrious flame.
The typical ten-year-old violinist can’t tell the difference between a cheap instrument and a Guarneri.
A harried traveler simply wolfs down a hamburger, not really worried or aware of its provenance or flavor.
And a bureaucrat buys whatever is cheapest and meets spec, without regard for how well it is designed or the supply chain that created it.
Enthusiasts will work their whole lives to be able to tell the difference in how an orchestra sounds, or how the chocolate is tempered or the simple elegance of thoughtful engineering.
And then, once we do, the incompetent or mediocre stuff isn’t worth much.
In order to appreciate the truly great work, we often end up becoming disappointed with the rest.