Funny and humorous speech topics


List of Funny and Humorous Speech Topics

Persuasive

  1. Boys gossip more than girls do.
  2. Should Trix stop its discrimination and make them for everyone?
  3. Blame your horoscope for why things went wrong
  4. Why you should never take on a food challenge
  5. Breakup insurance policy should be invented
  6. Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
  7. Why men shouldn’t wear skinny jeans
  8. Vegetables have feelings – stop carrot cruelty
  9. Camping: the fun and the not so fun
  10. Why kids should make jokes in class
  11. Why lying well can be helpful
  12. Why I should marry Cameron Diaz
  13. When nothing goes left, go right
  14. Grown-ups are weird species
  15. Blame your dog for things
  16. Why getting lost is the best advice someone could give you
  17. The reason grass appears greener on the other side is because it is probably fake.
  18. In order to become old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.
  19. Yes, you should write that down, because you will forget.
  20. We can lie but our facial expressions can’t.
  21. Life should come with background music.
  22. Chocolate never asks stupid questions.
  23. Sometimes when you need expert advice you should just have a chat with yourself.
  24. In order to understand what life is all about you should hang out with a three year old.
  25. The most dangerous animal out there is a silent woman.
  26. We don’t mean to interrupt people’s conversations, it’s just that we remember random things and get really excited.
  27. Wouldn’t it be great to have a six-month vacation twice a year?
  28. Nothing sucks more than when you are in the middle of an argument and realize that you are wrong.
  29. When you get older you will regret not taking all those naps as a child.
  30. I sometimes feel that the internet could do with a sarcasm font.
  31. Some of the bad decisions are necessary so you can have great stories to tell.
  32. Sometimes you will need to keep a contact number on your phone so that you can avoid their nuisance calls.
  33. How many times is it appropriate to say “excuse me”, before you give up and nod instead?
  34. A woman’s “I will be ready in 5 minutes” is the same as a man’s “I will be home in 5 minutes”.
  35. “We will see” means it’s probably not going to happen.
  36. Adults these days can barely do Math without using a calculator but are always claiming to have X amount of problems.
  37. Being an adult is not an easy task.
  38. Life feels very much like a test I didn’t study for.
  39. You are not weird; you are just a limited edition.
  40. There is no need to sugar coat everything, we can’t all be Willy Wonka.
  41. Not everyone will like you and that is okay because not everyone has good taste.
  42. Most people make mistakes five or six times, just to be sure.
  43. Be happy, it drives people crazy!
  44. Before you marry someone you should see how they react to slow internet.
  45. Alcohol clearly increases the size of the send button.
  46. We all need a day in which we can be just as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagne.
  47. Those who say they slept like a baby have obviously never had a baby.
  48. No, underarm farts are not an impressive party trick.
  49. Why do we panic when our phones fall but laugh when our friends do?
  50. Why do we remember all the things we forgot to do once we are in bed?
  51. Stop telling people that your baby is 28 months old!
  52. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
  53. Why people calculate how many hours of sleep they will get.
  54. What is it with men and remote control buttons?
  55. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  56. It is probably wise to keep your Mom off of Facebook.
  57. Clowns are scary and this is why.
  58. The true list of Christmas gifts I would like to give my family.
  59. Why Mondays should be banned.
  60. It is not okay to be 30 and still live with your parents.
  61. Men gossip more than women.
  62. Stop bragging about being at the gym – nobody cares!
  63. We can lie to the world, but not to ourselves.
  64. You should never start your diet on a Monday.
  65. By plans I mean I want to stay home and watch Netflix.
  66. Why you should smile and wave when someone insults you.
  67. If you are going to be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.
  68. Some people truly believe that they know everything, do they think their name is google?
  69. I wish the world would shock me by saying something intelligent.
  70. Women shouldn’t treat their faces like a colouring book.
  71. Some people are so fake, that Barbie is starting to get jealous.
  72. You are always entitled to your own incorrect opinion.
  73. Do people expect us to take notes when they tell us what to do?
  74. Just because it fits it doesn’t mean that it actually fits.
  75. It’s okay, you can explain yourself out of compromising positions.
  76. Auto correct could ruin your life.
  77. Some people are all bark but no bite.
  78. Why read the book when you can just watch the movie?
  79. Growing old is mandatory but growing up is completely optional.
  80. Money does talk and it usually likes to say ‘bye-bye’.
  81. The good news is that if today is the worst day of your life, then you know that tomorrow will be better.
  82. Some of the best people out there are crazy.
  83. Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden.
  84. Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it.
  85. Daddy is the boss until Mommy gets home.
  86. To avoid trouble, you must always cut a toddler’s sandwich in the correct shape.
  87. People often lie on a first date so that they can secure the second one.
  88. Why wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.
  89. Yes, actually you can have your cake and eat it too!
  90. You should never be the party pooper.
  91. Disney movies are great until they all start singing.
  92. “Too busy” is just a myth.
  93. Teenagers need to remember that not that long ago they use to beg their mothers to watch them poop.
  94. Wouldn’t it be great if when we took a long nap people would be proud of us like they are when kids do?
  95. You know it is going to be a long day when your partner is upset about something you did in their dream.
  96. Sometimes our greatest accomplishment is to just keep quiet.
  97. Why Math feels like Mental Abuse To Humans.
  98. You need to marry the person who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.
  99. Touch a pregnant belly at your own risk.
  100. If you mess with the bull you will get the horns.
  101. Why exactly did ‘that’s cool’ become ‘that’s hot’?
  102. People must stop randomly using the word ‘random’ for everything.
  103. How not wearing any makeup makes people think you are sick these days.
  104. LOL is usually what people reply with when they have nothing else to say.
  105. Why exactly is it called a crush?
  106. If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly in the end, why did it fall off in the first place?
  107. The only reason why we should want to go back in time is to repeat the fun parts.
  108. When we start to question if a word even exists.
  109. Before Facebook I had a life.
  110. Smile while you still have teeth.
  111. Why laughter is the best medicine.
  112. Three reasons why … (fill in your favorite cheerleader team here) will win the Superbowl this year.
  113. Fainting for high school is pretty common and often not a sign of something serious.
  114. Why rose is the best flowers’ fragrance many women like.
  115. Girls under 12 should not be allowed to wear makeup.
  116. Wendy’s / Burger King / McDonald’s (choose your fast food restaurant) has the best service and consumer complaint codes of conduct.
  117. My favorite Agent 007 James Bond is … (fill in the actor / actress of your choice here. Or do choose another movie hero for alternative humorous persuasive speech topics)
  118. Design your own How Cool Are You test and persuade your audience to take it.
  119. Seven signs that she is a real bitch type, and ways how to handle her.
  120. Five requirements to be called a bestie by girlfriends.
  121. Three symptoms that show you are definitely addicted to online quizzes.
  122. Fingerprints are unique for every human.
  123. Diet or regular drinks: it doesn’t matter at all what you drink.
  124. We should adapt the Chinese Calender / National Calendar of India.
  125. We should print small fun items on our coins that symbolizes our nation.
  126. What you should wear / not wear when giving a prom speech.
  127. Presidential running mates are politicians who were not able to reach the top themselves.
  128. How to get – more – Valentine Day cards next year.
  129. Nomen est omen (latin for name is omen) occurs more often than you think.
  130. Kung fu training skills should be mandatory for college and high school sports girls and women teachers.
  131. Vampires and ghosts are only historical legend figures, nevertheless they have much impact on our society when it comes to superstition.
  132. Thirteen is a lucky number.
  133. Why there are so many kangaroo, wombats, sheep and koalas in Australia.
  134. Why Rumpulstilskin is my favorite fairy tale.
  135. People prefer a clean shaven face instead of a beard or mustache.
  136. Dating someone who is much older than you are is the only way to date.
  137. Love at first sight really does exist.
  138. Lady Gaga has beaten Britney Spears.
  139. Men like action and women like romantic movies.
  140. Boyfriends must act romantic.
  141. (fill in the title of the song of your choice) is the funniest song ever.
  142. The Human cannonball stunt should be an entertainment event at our next campus event.
  143. Jay Leno is funny because he has good joke writers.
  144. Having a third arm is better than a third leg.
  145. Leather belts with a large buckle look good on guys.
  146. Experiencing the thrill of a Space Shuttle trip is too expensive.
  147. Why it’s a good idea to always google a person before you meet her or him for the first time.
  148. Ten ways to use Twitter with fun public speaking purposes in a maximum of 140 characters.
  149. Why many students rather text a friend than call her/him.
  150. Bingo competitions keep grandmas off the streets.
  151. Don’t take life too seriously – and yourself 🙂
  152. How to get rid of boring blind dates.
  153. Blaming your dog for everything that goes wrong is an old way-out.
  154. 99% percent of the blonds are not stupid at all.
  155. How to annoy the passenger next to you on a flight.
  156. The beneficial effects of smoking.
  157. Some phrases you use to be funny but actually turn out to be boring.
  158. Jerry Springerruined America
  159. Dessert should always be served before dinner
  160. Golf and Poker: Two things that should never be televised
  161. Personal things you should always keep to yourself
  162. Department stores shouldn’t be allowed to sell ugly clothing
  163. Why you should leave the marriage counseling tips to the marriage counselors
  164. Facebookis ruining lives every day
  165. Why the perfect husband just doesn’t exist
  166. Pigs have better manners than most men
  167. Rain: It really does have a smell
  168. Women are much better at handling pain than men
  169. Why famous people must have a crew of makeup artists and hair stylists following them around all day
  170. Why Subway is a total rip off
  171. Totally useless professions
  172. If only men spent as much time working on their relationships as they do focusing on sports
  173. Parent fails
  174. Why everyone wants a pet monkey
  175. What happens in high school doesn’t really matter all that much

Once you have chosen a topic, you will need to compose the speech structure. This sample of outline will help you getting started. The example topic is: “How to convince the teacher that a household pet ate your homework.”

Start the talk by introducing yourself. For example, “Good Morning, my name is ____.” Then, go for the “gold.” Hit the audience with a statement or question that will grab their attention immediately. Another example: “Who remembers using the excuse that my dog ate my term paper?”

The body of the speech: Three points
Hopefully, with the audience waiting with baited breath, the time is ripe to hit them with three good reasons for them to listen to, and agree with, what is being said.

  1. Your sister’s pet hamster died, and she needed a small piece of paper to wrap the body in and used your homework paper.
  2. Your brother was making bedding for his pet gerbil and ran out of newspaper to cut into strips and used your term paper instead.
  3. Your new dog has been trained to pee on newspaper on the floor, and your homework papers had slipped off the kitchen counter, and, well….

Closing argument
More than three points can be made, if indicated. But at least three points should always be used. To close your argument, summarize and end with a strong reason why the audience should agree with you. For example, “With the number and variety of pets available today, one does not have to use the family dog all the time as an excuse for not doing one’s homework.”