Mental Turmoil: & a Random Quote from Bible – Jay’s Tantra -3


Numbers 31:15

Passage: 

“Have you allowed all the women to live?”

he asked them.

I had a mental turmoil. At such moments, I turn to Gita, Ramayan, Bible and turn a page and pick one verse or quote.  Try and mull and understand the meaning to find inner peace and God’s message to me to listen to my inner voice with HIS Voice reverberating in my mind together.

This is a personal technique – I call it Jay’s Tantra and it helps me at times to go find the meaning beyond the words, deeply thinking, introspecting, reminiscences of the past and slowly it brings me to the present – my STATE and shows me a path to overcome the mental turmoil, dilemmas, indecisive phase, awkwardness of the decisions I thought or took and their impact.

I need to hear a preacher understand the quote from the bible but the belief that it is a God’s word – leads me to what I began searching and it has helped in terrible moments in my life.  They have always helped me to bounce back with vigor, rigor, self-confidence.

Sunday – Acts of kindness.


  1. Reconnect with your grandparents or an elderly person you know – give them a call! ( I reconnected with my granddaughter after a long while – she’s fluent in English, Hindi, Marathi and taught me a few Telugu words too 🙂 . WOW !
  2. Lend a friend a book you think they’d like (Gave away a whole library) 
  3. Leave a kind message anywhere (in a library book, on a computer etc.)
  4. Wardrobe overflowing? Donate clothes to a charity ( I give it to a Blind school)
  5. Make amends with someone you may have wronged (Hmmm….. May be, I will)
  6. Know someone going through something you’ve been through? Give them advice
  7. Volunteer your time for a good cause  (PLANNING to create a video channel for the charities I support with help of a startup Video/ Filmmaker).
  8. Help someone improve, give them constructive feedback (Neyt! I’d rather feedforward as we can’t go back and correct it – but we can shape up in future.)
  9. We all love surprises! Buy someone an unexpected gift – Yes. worth a thought (Wife and daughter both gifted ME a USPA T-shirt each ! ) 
  10. Plant a seed – yes overdue. Note to self. Must do. 

Random phrases and a busy phony (talk, talk, talk) Day.


  1. I Smell a Rat (Ever dealt with a Teaser 🙂
    Meaning: 
    A feeling that something is not quite right, or awry.
  2. On the Same Page (Rare to achieve and get Yesss !) 
    Meaning: 
    Thinking alike or understanding something in a similar way with others.
  3. Dropping Like Flies
    Meaning: 
    To fall down ill or to die in large numbers.
  4. Under Your Nose
    Meaning: 
    Missing something that should be really obvious.

Why breakups hurt like hell – via Medium. I subscribe this.


Why Breakups Hurt Like Hell
How to manage the pain and move on

Lesley Alderman, LMSW
Follow
Jun 8
Photo: Portland Press Herald/Getty

1.1K

This is what I remember from my last major breakup: the cracks in the ceiling. I spent a good 10 hours lying on the couch in my East Village apartment staring at the ceiling, following the lines etched in the fading paint, as if they would lead to more answers. I was stunned that I could feel so drained and defeated even though I had initiated the end.

Breakups can be devastating. You can feel like a desperate 3-year-old lost in a grocery store or a hollowed-out wreck. Why? Because we’re human, and humans are designed to pair with other humans. Uncoupling and rejection feel like threats to our existence. We tend to respond with some variation on the themes of despair, confusion, and rage.

“Separation distress elicits panic,” explains Sue Johnson, PhD, an internationally recognized couples therapist and author. “And people don’t know how to make sense of it.”

Making sense of a breakup, though, is vital: it helps you recover. Looking at what happened and why will reduce the sting and help you make a better choice next time.

The pain you are experiencing is understandable, when you recognize that humans are bonding creatures hardwired for relationships. We are designed to grow and learn in the presence of others. Our connections to lovers, friends, and family define us and help us survive. Healthy intimate relationships provide us with a sense of safety and serve as a buffer against the slings and arrows the world hurls our way.

One study, which looked at the power of hand-holding, showed how robust the buffering effect of a partner can be. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin, Madison observed how 16 happily married heterosexual women reacted when they were threatened with an electric shock. The women were hooked up to a brain scanner, which measured their responses to the shock threat. In one scenario, the women held their husband’s hand, in another they held the hand of an anonymous male experimenter, and in the final scenario, they held no hand at all.

When the women held their husband’s hand, the area of the brain that processes emotional and behavioral threats was less activated than when the women held the hand of the stranger or held no hand. The more favorably the women had rated the quality of their marriage, the more powerful the buffering effect of their husband’s hand. It’s no wonder, then, that losing that safeguard can elicit despair.

Being part of a couple can also change your identity. Researchers at Northwestern University examined the effect that breakups have on self-concept. The 2010 study found that becoming single makes you feel less significant. “When the relationship ends, individuals experience not only pain over the loss of the partner, but also changes in their selves,” the study’s authors wrote.

Breakups can also trigger feelings of shame. “We consider any relationship that ends a failure,” explains Katherine Woodward Thomas, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Conscious Uncoupling (yes, the book that Gwyneth made famous). “We have this belief that love should last forever.” But in reality, most of us will have two to three relationships in our lifetimes and two to three major breakups.

When you’re the one being left, the sting is particularly sharp. Rejection triggers feelings of humiliation, isolation, and pain. Research by Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA has found that the emotional pain of rejection is coded in the same part of the brain as physical pain. Your rational mind may try to downplay the rejection — “Eh, he wasn’t worth it,” — but it registers in your brain as if you’d been punched in the gut.

The best remedy for the pain that follows a breakup is self-care and self-examination. Before you can recover and make rational sense of the breakup, you first need to attend to your shaken sense of self. Talk about the demise of the relationship with your friends, spend time with people who treat you well, write about your worries. Remind yourself that breakups can be traumatic; you need time to adjust and recover.

At the same time, resist self-destructive urges. Don’t stalk your ex online (this will increase your level of distress), pretend you’re fine (suppressing feelings leads, over the longer term, to greater emotional drama), or try to numb your pain with excessive amounts of alcohol, substances, or sex (never a good plan).

When you’re ready, ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this relationship?’ A 2017 study looked at the romantic relationships and breakups of 160 young adults. The researchers found that when individuals understood the reasons for their breakup, they suffered less stress and reported more satisfaction in their next relationship than their less clued-in peers.

Resist the all-too-satisfying desire to totally demonize your ex as a whacked out psychopathic narcissistic wreck of a person. “Okay, maybe your ex was 97 percent of the problem,” says Woodward Thomas. “But let’s look at your three percent. That’s where the gold is.” What did you not say or do — or fail to say or do? What warning signs did you ignore? What old pattern were you replaying? Did you give your power away? Women, for instance, have a tendency to bond more quickly. Men, of course, tend to hang back, wary of committing too much, too fast. Even though those tendencies are well known, we may not see ourselves living out such patterns as they’re happening. “Until you see what you are doing, you are bound to do it again,” says Woodward Thomas.

You will start to figure out who might be a better match for you. Bear in mind, people who are emotionally responsive tend to make the best partners. If you’ve never had the pleasure of dating an emotionally responsive human, here’s what they look like: they listen; they can tolerate your emotions, even when they’re negative; they are moved by your feelings; they are not terrified of vulnerability (they may not love it, but at least they don’t belittle it).

In general, people who are available, reliable, and trustworthy also make good partners in romance and life. Research consistently shows that people who have mates with these characteristics feel secure, nurtured, and supported in their relationships.

“Breakups hurt so much because relationships are so important to us,” says Dr. Johnson. But, with some effort, it’s possible to turn the pain into self-gain. Before you get involved in your next relationship, take some time to picture what a good, enduring one looks like to you.

1.1K

WRITTEN BY
Lesley Alderman, LMSW
Writer. Psychotherapist. Yoga enthusiast. Interested in mental health and helping people feel psychologically sound. Brooklyn based. http://www.lesleyalderman.com

via Why Breakups Hurt Like Hell – Member Feature Stories – Medium

Both Men and Women Get Bored With Monogamy—Just For Different Reasons via mel magazine.


Both Men and Women Get Bored With Monogamy—Just For Different Reasons

via Both Men and Women Get Bored With Monogamy—Just For Different Reasons

Trump’s Dad Was So Racist, Woody Guthrie Wrote A Song About It – interesting article


Trump’s

via Trump’s Dad Was So Racist, Woody Guthrie Wrote A Song About It

 

Guthrie’s lyrics went as follows:

I suppose
Old Man Trump knows
Just how much
Racial Hate
he stirred up
In the bloodpot of human hearts
When he drawed
That color line
Here at his
Eighteen hundred family project.

A brave and startling Truth – Maya Angelou


A BRAVE AND STARTLING TRUTH

We, this people, on a small and lonely planet
Traveling through casual space
Past aloof stars, across the way of indifferent suns
To a destination where all signs tell us
It is possible and imperative that we learn
A brave and startling truth

And when we come to it
To the day of peacemaking
When we release our fingers
From fists of hostility
And allow the pure air to cool our palms

When we come to it
When the curtain falls on the minstrel show of hate
And faces sooted with scorn are scrubbed clean
When battlefields and coliseum
No longer rake our unique and particular sons and daughters
Up with the bruised and bloody grass
To lie in identical plots in foreign soil

When the rapacious storming of the churches
The screaming racket in the temples have ceased
When the pennants are waving gaily
When the banners of the world tremble
Stoutly in the good, clean breeze

When we come to it
When we let the rifles fall from our shoulders
And children dress their dolls in flags of truce
When land mines of death have been removed
And the aged can walk into evenings of peace
When religious ritual is not perfumed
By the incense of burning flesh
And childhood dreams are not kicked awake
By nightmares of abuse

When we come to it
Then we will confess that not the Pyramids
With their stones set in mysterious perfection
Nor the Gardens of Babylon
Hanging as eternal beauty
In our collective memory
Not the Grand Canyon
Kindled into delicious color
By Western sunsets

Nor the Danube, flowing its blue soul into Europe
Not the sacred peak of Mount Fuji
Stretching to the Rising Sun
Neither Father Amazon nor Mother Mississippi who, without favor,
Nurture all creatures in the depths and on the shores
These are not the only wonders of the world

When we come to it
We, this people, on this minuscule and kithless globe
Who reach daily for the bomb, the blade and the dagger
Yet who petition in the dark for tokens of peace
We, this people on this mote of matter
In whose mouths abide cankerous words
Which challenge our very existence
Yet out of those same mouths
Come songs of such exquisite sweetness
That the heart falters in its labor
And the body is quieted into awe

We, this people, on this small and drifting planet
Whose hands can strike with such abandon
That in a twinkling, life is sapped from the living
Yet those same hands can touch with such healing, irresistible tenderness
That the haughty neck is happy to bow
And the proud back is glad to bend
Out of such chaos, of such contradiction
We learn that we are neither devils nor divines

When we come to it
We, this people, on this wayward, floating body
Created on this earth, of this earth
Have the power to fashion for this earth
A climate where every man and every woman
Can live freely without sanctimonious piety
Without crippling fear

When we come to it
We must confess that we are the possible
We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world
That is when, and only when
We come to it.

“A Brave and Startling Truth” was published in a commemorative booklet in 1995 and was later included in Maya Angelou: The Complete Poetry (public library).

via A Brave and Startling Truth: Astrophysicist Janna Levin Reads Maya Angelou’s Stunning Humanist Poem That Flew to Space, Inspired by Carl Sagan – Brain Pickings