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Picturesque Moscow

A Short Story
by me

Charity Godfrey was thinking about Wenna Thornton again. Wenna was a cowardly friend with slimy legs and moist thighs.

Charity walked over to the window and reflected on her idyllic surroundings. She had always hated picturesque Moscow with its vacant, vigorous volcanoes. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel sad.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a cowardly figure of Wenna Thornton.

Charity gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a cold-blooded, rude, whiskey drinker with beautiful legs and fragile thighs. Her friends saw her as a panicky, pickled patient. Once, she had even saved a colossal old man that was stuck in a drain.

But not even a cold-blooded person who had once saved a colossal old man that was stuck in a drain, was prepared for what Wenna had in store today.

The sun shone like thinking goldfish, making Charity delighted. Charity grabbed a cursed sandwich that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Charity stepped outside and Wenna came closer, she could see the oily smile on her face.

Wenna gazed with the affection of 7074 violent mute monkeys. She said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want less communication.”

Charity looked back, even more delighted and still fingering the cursed sandwich. “Wenna, what a spiffing dress,” she replied.

They looked at each other with concerned feelings, like two sleepy, sparkling snakes loving at a very mean accident, which had jazz music playing in the background and two tactless uncles talking to the beat.

Charity studied Wenna’s slimy legs and moist thighs. Eventually, she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” began Charity in apologetic tones, “but I don’t feel the same way, and I never will. I just don’t love you Wenna.”

Wenna looked relaxed, her emotions raw like a motionless, mammoth map.

Charity could actually hear Wenna’s emotions shatter into 9900 pieces. Then the cowardly friend hurried away into the distance.

Not even a glass of whiskey would calm Charity’s nerves tonight.


Auto Praise for Picturesque Moscow

“I feel like I know Charity Godfrey. In a way, it feels as though I’ve always known her.”
– The Daily Tale
“About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits.”
– Enid Kibbler
“Saying the sun shone like thinking goldfish is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant.”
– Hit the Spoof
“I could do better.”
– Zob Gloop