E.S.T.M. a sub-approach Of Jay Parkhe’s 11 Mentoring approaches Part 1

E.S.T.M. : OR Emotional Stability Technique of Mentoring is one of Jay Parkhe’s favorite Techniques he sparingly uses with very select mentees who he believes are mentally, emotionally, sentimentally very Strong.  If at the outset, with his Transparency, Coach Reveals himself, mentor Provocation and challenge – it turns out that the Mentee is not very strong emotionally – Jay Parkhe tends to hold it back.   It is not a common technique applied with weak hearts.

balance stone

The original idea came from the Conductors of Music Operas with their guiding stick.  Jay loves Batons and walking sticks and was the BandLeader in School band and RSS.  He played flute, side and bass drum and couple of other instruments apart from the Bugle !

The core idea of Emotional Stability has roots in Emotional Intelligence but in my experience I found that Emotional Stability is more important than just EI.   So I went around conducting tests.

emotion balance.jpeg

I focused on 3 different variants to test Emotional Stability:

emotional stability speedometer 1.Universal Emotions

  • universal emotions, what they look like, and why we’re biologically hardwired to express them this way:

    • Anger. …This test is easy and many Mentees are quick to display their anger and ready to ask tough questions, some take defence in offence, some ready forever with counter questions as their response to express anger with the provocative mentor that Jay Plays during this exercise.

    • Fear. …is more quizzical but done with an unstructured series of questions asked at different times, differently so as the mentee does not know the motive of the questions or their real intent. It can puzzle them or create a feat in itself of losing the mentor support forever.

    • Disgust. …Like the definition with several synonyms of the term, the Mentor Jay uses any one of the synonym based upon his assessment of the mentee – he chooses one of these given to test Mentee Emotional stability. It becomes fun at the end and both Jay and mentee usually end up having a hearty laugh.. Some of the mentees break while testing these and some even quit.  a feeling of revulsion or strong disapproval aroused by something unpleasant offensive. revulsionrepugnanceaversiondistasteabhorrenceloathingdetestationodium, execration, horrornauseainformal yuck factorarchaic disrelishrare repellence, repellency  cause (someone) to feel revulsion or strong disapproval. revoltrepelrepulsesickennauseate, cause to feel nauseous, make shudder, turn someone’s stomach, make someone’s gorge rise; 

      be repugnant to, be repulsive to, be distasteful to;
      informalturn off, make someone want to throw up, squick;
      informalgross out outrageshockhorrifyappalscandalizeoffendaffront,dismaydispleasedissatisfyannoyangernauseatesicke
    • Sadness. ...The misuse or non-usage of 50 facial muscles to not even put up a fake style is something, some mentees are adept at it and while you can see Sadness and sadism written all over their faces, they like the mentor to prove himself worthy. Words like apathy, melancholia, atrophy fly off an on to describe themselves – (especially when they are offline and can hide behind the distance) are usually pretenders and test the mentor. Jay calls them in true Harry Potter language “De-Mentors” and either leads them away or shakes them off 🙂 . They are not worth mentoring/ coaching.

    • Surprise. … a brief emotional state experienced as the result of an unexpected significant event

    • The surprise factor is a technique used in storytelling to produce a deep inward feeling as reaction from the audience. It is created by telling a story in a way which creates a certain perception of events which is then revealed to be false often in exact opposition to original perception. The term most often refers to its use in many forms of humor which provides the audience with the twist or punch line, intended to elicit amusement. However it can also be used to elicit a tragic reaction, rather than a comic one.   It has been theorized that the essence of humor lies in two elements or factors, the relevance factor, and the surprise factor. First, it is necessary to present something familiar or relevant to the audience. This accounts for gaining the involvement and scrutiny of the audience, who may believe they know the natural follow-through thoughts or conclusion. Next, the actual amusement results from the presentation of some twist on what the audience expected, or else from interpreting the original situation in an unexpected way. These twists and unexpected interpretations may be summarized as the surprise factor.  For this reason, knowing a punch line in advance, or some situation which would flub the delivery of the punchline, can destroy the surprise factor, and in turn destroy the entertainment value or amusement the joke may have otherwise provided; such information is known in some contexts as a spoiler.  On the other hand, a person previously holding the same unexpected conclusions or secret perspectives as the comedian could derive amusement from hearing those same thoughts expressed and elaborated. That there is commonality, unity of thought, and an ability to openly analyze and express these (where secrecy and inhibited exploration was previously thought necessary) can be the surprise factor in these situations. This phenomenon explains much of the success of comedians who deal with same-gender and same-culture audiences on gender conflicts and cultural topics, respectively.

    • Happiness. ...While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with the Coach/ Mentor with pseudo expressions of Fake Melancholia, apathy and some go to the extent of showing atrophy wiht the whole mentoring process.  Then there are the philosophical types of mentees who play act by putting up a brave front in the garb of Nihilists, Marxists, Sadists and do not like to disclose what makes them happy.

      • Happiness. …While happiness may seem easy to test but some mentees choose to play hardball with, making it difficult under negative influence of other people, mentors, coaches, among others

      • Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that pleasure and happiness are the primary or most important intrinsic goods and the aim of human life. A hedonist strives to maximize net pleasure (pleasure minus pain), but when having finally gained that pleasure, happiness remains stationary.

      • Ethical hedonism is the idea that all people have the right to do everything in their power to achieve the greatest amount of pleasure possible to them. It is also the idea that every person’s pleasure should far surpass their amount of pain. Ethical hedonism is said to have been started by Aristipusof Cyrene, a student of Socrates. He held the idea that pleasure is the highest good.

    • plural noun: contempts; noun: contempt of court; plural noun: contempts of court
      “when he was found to have lied to the House this was a contempt”

      Contempt: 

      contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration.   scorndisdaindisrespect, deprecation, disparagement, denigrationopprobriumodium, disregard for something that should be considered disrespectdisregardslightingneglect;
              the offence of being disobedient to or disrespectful of a court of law and its                officers.
    Testing the Mentees on their Emotional Stability to my mind is better than just doing Emotional Intelligence tests.  It is a tough call – not a Go, No Go exercise to dump a mentee/ coachee’ as useless or worthless. Far from it.  It helps to point them out their weak areas as Development Gaps which can be easily filled during the currency of the Mentoring exercise itself.
    In Part 2 We discuss other ways of Testing Emotional Stability.  Read on…
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