Humor: Onions: They make me Cry and all That :)

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Dhananjay Parkhe

Dhananjay Parkhe

Self Actualising. Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself. On LInkedin since Jun 2004

Humor: Onions: They make me Cry and all That 🙂

Do you like to Read or Write Humor or atleast Hear ? I do.
“Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man’s superiority to all that befalls him.” Roman Gary on Humor
Fascinating Fact: Apples, potatoes, and onions all taste the same when eaten with your nose plugged.
As a child we had a science class in which we were blindfolded, had our noses plugged, and given an apple or onion to eat – we were not told which of the two we would be given. Not one person was able to state which was which. This shows the incredibly important part that the nose plays in the sense of taste. The fact that the three items have a similar consistency makes it virtually impossible to tell them apart without the sense of smell. If you try this, I should warn you: once you unblock your nose, you can tell what you have just eaten.
In India, Governments are known to have fallen in the Elections where just prior to the Elections the prices of – you guessed right ! Onions or Potatoes or Tomatoes have Spiralled upwards !
So Onions don’t just bring tears to the one who cuts them but also the Indian Politicians and Ruling Parties. Onions are such great vegetables – they make for an essential ingredient of the famous and great Indian curry flavours. They also make my eyes watery when I try to cut them. But No. I am not alone ! Several Indian Governments have had this experience in past few years. The Hoarders hoarding Onions have brought the attention of Indian public
All we have to do is to peel the shrines like an onion, and we will be with the king himself. Howard Carter
I recently came across the Picture on the Top and realised the Onions come in different varieties. ( Well, I graduated in Agro sciences four decades ago and some senior moments are deserved by me 🙂 !) Yet, in order to analyse the problems of tearful eyes or fallen governments I realised that most Governments fell because they did not analyse the problem. For instance, they did not ask the Right Questions. Now, Right question would start with – Which Onion is in short supply? Red, White, Yellow, Sweet, Shallot or… I am sure, the agitators would not be able to answer this. This would give the opportunity for any Government to set up an Inquiry Commission to commit its famed sins of Mission, Omission and Commission and win the day and save the Government. Simple ! Ain’t it? No. our government first bans the Exports. Then imports from – you guessed it right again – from the Nation we are at war with for over 68 years ! Why? Because, it is the closest to us. And that gives the agitators further tears. In the last elections I hear many candidates gave few Kilos of Onions F R E E ! While one Ex-CM threatened the opposition that he would garland the competition with Onions. What a sadist ! He can’t defeat the opposition – so he wanted to make them cry using Garlands.
Broadly there are 5 Types of Onions I know about, there may be more – the World is after all So Small and So Round 🙂
I liked this quote:
Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg
No one, No one to my knowledge researched and marketed a ‘Non-Tear producing Onion’ so far. Not even the GM Food Wallas or the Organic Food bandwagon. Whatever happened to the customer research – I wonder. A simple research would have shown tremendous potential for the Non-Tearful variety.
As I research more and more, I found more Onions – On the Web that is ! 🙂
Making of an Onion Soup ?
Amazing Science Fact: If you rub an onion on your foot – within 30 – 60 minutes you will be able to taste it – this is because it travels through the blood stream. Just Imagine, what the Onion Soup can do to you – after all it is ‘Just Onions’ !
I know the creative horticulturist farmers were the main contributors of producing the Seedless Grapes using all kinds of carcinogenic chemicals and Gibberelic Acid – ( sounds like Gibberish No? But it is true – they’d use Growth Promoters and Growth Inhibitors both to get us the Grape Fruit ), sad, no one did that research and reduced or removed the Sulphuric Acid forming chemical from the Onions! Because, No Indian would like his Curry to taste Flat ! 🙂 We’ve been using our red onion wrong (it tastes best raw!). Are you using the right onion? After all like the Just Desserts the expression about Onions also is getting our Just Onions
Photo credit: Adam Kuban
Rehydrated Onions : You may not live in an area with a White Castle, but you may know of it from a certain movie where two guys try really hard to get to one. For those still unfamiliar with the chain, White Castle’s miniature burgers are famous for being incredibly cheap and, anecdotally, for giving indigestion a few hours after eating them. Fans also know the restaurant for its trademark steamed meat that always comes with onions because onions are just that important. For some reason, rumors say that White Castle is pulling a bait-and-switch with one of their most cherished ingredients. The rumors state that White Castle onions are actually pieces of cabbage soaked in onion juice. It would seem one of the strangest and most pointless things that a fast food restaurant could do, but enough people believe the rumor that White Castle actually responds to it on their website. Their burgers contain no cabbage and do indeed have real onions—although the restaurant admits to using rehydrated onions ever since World War II.
I wonder why “Onions” are used as Hate Words – See how… as there is a Measure for gauging the “Pungency” of the Onions – like the Pungency of these Hate words – Read On …
The Pyruvate scale measures pungency in onions and garlic with units of um/gfw. It is named after Pyruvic acid, the alpha-keto acid in onions which makes peoples eyes tear up when cutting them. The standard onion has an eight rating, while “sweet onions” have a two or three rating on the scale. The lower the score or scale, the more “sweet” the onions are rated. Anything less than five is considered a sweet onion. The Vidalia onion variety are considered sweet, and must have a score of 5.0 um/gfw or less. The Supasweet onion (usually grown in Lincolnshire, England) registers 1.5 to 2 on the scale. A standard brown onion is usually in the range of 6-7 out of 10. Soil type, rain and sunlight affect the pungency in onions and garlic and, therefore, their score on the pyruvate scale.
So here I end my short research on O N I O Ns – I am going to call it “iOnion” and may be start a Global research to find the least Tear producing, Pungent, Tasty Onion and look for support from the ‘Crowdfunders’ On the likes of Kickstarter and similar funding websites.
Do let me know your Feedforward to me about the Ideas and facts ( Mostly stolen0 from the Internet 🙂 – Give me my Just Onions !
Thank you.
Mentor Tip: Don’t forget to use ‘Listerine’ or similar Mouthwash after Using Onions – After eating or bad mouthing ( Hate words) .:)
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